to stop being tolerant?(31 Posts)
Probably going to get lynched here but I am interested to know what others think. Have NC for this one.
Basically moved to a new area a year ago - a small village. Everyone knows everyone kind of place which is fine, most of the time.
However there is one woman - late twenties - who everyone thinks is a bit of a pain. She seems to spout lies all the time to make herself look good, whinges to people that she can't afford to pay her bills yet splashes money on men she meets online. She bitches about people behind their backs, then is nice as pie to their faces. Her reputation really is that of someone who takes the piss. For example if she offered a lift, she would ask for money when you got to your destination. But when she had no car for a fortnight she badgered people for lifts yet didn't offer anyone a penny. She claims to be 'frugal' - she's not she just doesn't like parting with her money. She'd eat at someone else's home but if you were at her house and asked for food she'd say she didn't have much in and couldn't spare any. I am more than willing to help anyone who is struggling for money - but she can afford to go out on dates and spend money on presents for said dates.
Recently she literally burst a blood vessel when two neighbours decided to be friends and go out without her - because she thought SHE should be included because she knew them both first. My OH thinks she has something slightly wrong with her because she seems so have no social boundaries or idea of what is acceptable. But some of the lies she's spun to get her own way with things (think not paying back money borrowed or phoning in sick at work then being shocked that people have worked out she wasn't sick) seem way to clever for someone who isn't all there IYSWIM? Without going into too much detail she has fabricated a condition - which I fully believe she has researched to lie about and I said as such (have family members with said condition) but it doesn't seem to put her off using it as an excuse to behave exactly how she pleases.
So what I'm asking is AIBU to not tolerate it any more? To not tolerate her lies and annoying behaviour (which does affect me directly in some ways) and be blunt with her?
Last week she asked my OH to fix stuff in her house (and because he feels sorry for her he said yes) but I KNOW that she won't offer so much as a bloody fiver for his time, and it's a good few hours of work. And if I asked after the fact she would say she will pay him then just hope I forget about it. So when she asks I just basically want to say 'look X given your track record I know you don't like parting with your money but I'm not having you taking the piss out of my OH and expecting him to do your jobs for free, because the favour wouldn't be returned and we don't owe you anything'
I wouldn't mind her most recent OLD fella is apparently fucking superman so why wouldn't she ask him??? She flirts quite heavily with my OH by the way but I laugh it off, she seems to think every man in the village is gagging for her. But that's another story and I trust my OH implicitly.
Sorry long post but if I keep
Rolling my eyes at her and dropping subtle fuck off hints I'm gonna drive myself potty
She sounds manipulative and, frankly, a bit bonkers. I'd avoid like the plague if I was you and I'd certainly avoid getting sucked into any of her dramas.
june that's exactly what I think. But my OH seems to think she's actually got some kind of medical problem. But call me heartless I have a family
Of my own to worry about and she isn't my problem.
The locals just seem to ignore every word she says but it's hard when she's asking my OH for favours and he is too much of a softarse to say no.
Without sound nasty I don't think she's very intelligent but she is clever enough to manipulate people. Just this week I've been told of some shit stirring she has done (doesn't directly affect me) but she acted like she didn't know it was wrong. The shit stirring could cause a potential breakdown of a family with DC and involves someone else who had done something out of genuine concern. The concern was valid and if the nosey bitch hadn't stuck her nose in nobody would have been any the wiser
I think you're getting over involved in all of this and actually sound like you're doing a bit of shit-stirring yourself. How about just keeping away from her - polite but distant? I'm sure your DH will soon get fed up of being taken advantage of.
agatha I am absolutely not shit stirring, it's a small village so avoidance is easier said than done. I've been tolerant so far and actually said what I think. My question was AIBU to just not be tolerant so she isn't a problem any more.
YWNBU to stop tolerating her shit. Your OH needs to take a leaf out of your book too!
If you want to start being straight with her that's fine, I don't blame you.
But I think you need to leave your DP out of it.
If she asks him to do a job for her, it's up to him to say yes or no.
Otherwise at best you sound like his agent and at worst, his Mother
My DH works damn hard and I am not willing to let someone who we've not even known that long take the piss out of him.
Nine times out of ten when he's available to do it her boyfriend will be there who she gushes about being strong manly talented generally fucking fabulous so why should my OH do it!
In my honest opinion if I tell her straight then my OH is still the same with her she will no doubt convince herself he fancies her like every other bloke in the village apparently does
Convincing herself, laughable. Actually saying it to other people (very possible) then creates a problem. I always manage to find them me!
It seems to me your jealousy is the biggest problem here.
Only you can deal with that...not her and not your DP.
Avoid her by all means but your DP is an adult, therefore it's up to him whether he decides to help out or not. I'm quite sure he knows his own mind.
Is this one of those threads when it's taken from the plot of a soap opera and we're meant to guess which one?
How has me asking for advice on how to deal with someone turned into me being jealous?
What exactly am I jealous of?
And it is my business when she expects him to give up family time with our DC to do jobs for her and not pay him for his time. I wouldn't expect full day rate of a labourer but even a token £20 gesture. She has no intention of paying him and he isn't doing it. My kids come first. Jealousy doesn't come into it - I don't see her as any kind of threat. He feels sorry for her but she mugs everyone elSe off so why not him?
Your OH can do favours for his neighbours if he wants.
You can turn down requests if you want. It is possible to do so politely.
My great grandmother used to say "act daft and you get a long run for your money"
She's onto a good thing this lass, and she knows it.
Whatever you do, don't let her see that she can cause disagreement between you.
Even if its a small village, you don't have to hang out with people you find unpleasant.
hidden your GGM could have actually said that directly about her!!
Lol there's plenty of such folk around. Don't engage with her. Tell your dh to quit helping her as well. Never engage with a compulsive liar as they're dangerous.
And it is my business when she expects him to give up family time with our DC to do jobs for her and not pay him for his time.
Your business as you put it, is with your DP.
She can expect what she likes, but if you're unhappy about him doing jobs instead of spending family time, it's him you need to speak to.
I don't understand why you'd rather have this out with her, than him?
So when she asks I just basically want to say 'look X given your track record I know you don't like parting with your money but I'm not having you taking the piss out of my OH and expecting him to do your jobs for free, because the favour wouldn't be returned and we don't owe you anything' - this is a long way from not being tolerant. It's just nasty.
Your posts are littered with he says/she says and who did what to whom. Stuff about her medical history, which you appear to know plenty about. With a few nasty comments about her chucked in for good measure. This is why I think you are over involved in it.
You say yourself that you live in a small place, so no real good can come of making an out and out enemy of someone like this. Distant politeness really is the way to go forward. You can't answer for your DH, it will make you sound unhinged. Let him draw his own conclusions in his own time.
And really, try not to get so drawn into all the gossip about her.
If it were you in my position I highly doubt you'd be willing to have a go at your husband for feeling sorry for someone therefore not willing to say no.
In all honesty I think she deliberately asked him when I wasn't around because she knew what I would say.
Like PP said compulsive liars are dangerous and she definitely is one
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