to be thinking about this guy and feel really bad for him?

[Timeforanamechangy]

I was out on a night out for a friend's birthday recently.

Load of friends went to the bar and I saw a guy who I used to know from a few years ago. He was on his own so I went over and said hello, we chatted for a bit about random stuff etc.

Few minutes later his gf and her friend, who I also knew, showed up and she gets really aggressive with me, pushing her face into mine, shouting at me and accusing me of sleeping with my sister's bf (not at all true) and so on.

I initially thought she might not remember me as it had been a while since I last saw her but she definately did know who I was and just carried on giving me abuse. I calmly told her it wasn't true and left.

Thinking about it afterwards I started to feel really bad for this guy. The last time I saw him, about 2 years ago, we were all out in a big group and he had to go to hospital because his gf was drunk and hit him in the eye with her stiletto because he dared to talk to another girl. She almost blinded him and it isn't the first time she has attacked him. The way she speaks to him is appalling too.

He looked distinctly uncomfortable during the conversation we had, thinking about it now I suspect because he knew she would be back any minute and he knew she would kick off. He didn't say a single word the whole time she was shouting at me just sat and stared at the table.

Aibu to feel really bad for him and hope that he eventually gets out of what is clearly an abusive relationship?

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Ynbu. She sounds horrible, and very dangerous. Was she not brought to justice over almost blinding him.

[Cel982]

Sure, Thru; the same way 'decent' women never stay in abusive relationships...

[SayonaraSashu]

Thru

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

A wimp, bit naughty isn't it, Thru. Would you say that if the genders were reversed. It's no wonder so many men are too embarrassed to speak up about abuse they suffer at the hands of their female partners.

[GreatFuckability]

Nice attitude thru....just delightful.

[RudeElf]

He sounds like a wimp - I wouldn't feel sorry for him! A decent man would have told her to shut up and dumped her!

Yeah thats what abuse victims are, wimps! why dont they all just tell their abusers to shut up?

[WorraLiberty]

Oh FFS Thru really??

Yanbu OP.

A young couple used to live in the flats around the corner to me and the woman was forever screaming/shouting/hitting her boyfriend in the street.

We'd call the police every time but he just looked totally embarrassed and wouldn't talk to anyone about it.

The last time I saw her get arrested, it was for setting fire to his clothes in the middle of the road because apparently, he took his sister's side in an argument.

[Timeforanamechangy]

I don't think he pressed charges Ilive, she's never had to pay for doing that to him and obviously doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour.

I left the bar and went home after that because I genuinely believe that she is the kind of woman who would have attacked me without provocation when I was on my way home or something. I actually feel bad for talking to him now as, knowing what she is like, I feel fairly sure that he ended up getting verbally or physically attacked when they got home for talking to me.

Thru, that attitude sounds a lot like victim blaming! He is a gym going, masculine, 'man's man' and I'm fairly sure he doesn't say anything to anyone for fear of just such a reaction from people.

You should have seen his face, just sitting there looking down at the table, listening to her rant. Made me feel very sad.

[DamsonInDistress]

Vile post Thru, I've taken great pleasure in reporting it.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

Poor guy indeed. Of course yanbu. Its never nice seeing someone in that position and feeling helpless.

[Stepparentbashersfuckoff]

Thru
I hope you don't preach that attitude to any DC you may have. Because if you do they wouldn't want to confide in you if God forbid they ever ended up in an abusive relationship

[LikeTheShoes]

Is she just terrible when she's drunk?
A girl I was at uni with used to get into full on bar brawls when she was drunk, when she was sober she was lovely. (Unfortunately one of her fights ended with her breaking a bottle and cutting someone very badly, last I heard she had a suspended sentence and was chucked out of uni)

Not that it excuses her behaviour, but if she isn't out all that often, and mostly she's delightful...

[Timeforanamechangy]

Unfortunately not Shoes, she is just a horrible person inside and out, as I said upthread the way she speaks to him is disgusting - demanding, insulting, demeaning, she seems to take delight in pushing him to the absolute limit knowing that he will never snap and shout at/hit her back. She does it in front of people too, probably to add to the humiliation for him.

She has two young daughters too (not by the guy in question, he is their stepdad), I worry about what a terrible example she is setting them about relationships.

[MaidrinRua]

thru no bloody need!!!!

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

Disgusting attitude thru

[TheCatsFlaps]

My cousin, a big burly 6'4 man was regularly assaulted by his partner - a dumpy little redhead from eastern Europe. She broke his nose on one occasion, knowing fine well he would not and dared not hit her back because he would be labelled as the aggressor. Thankfully his dog took a dislike to her: savaging her clothes sent her packing.

[ohtheholidays]

The poor guy,the way she treats him is really worrying.

Does anyone else know about her having attacked him?I don't know if you were aware OP but if you know someone is being physically harmed you can ring the Police and you don't have to give your name or any contact details for yourself.The Police going round and having a word will either give her a scare(unlikely I know but it might work)or it could make your friend realize just how serious what she's been doing to him is.

Also if the Police attend and go and speak to her and realize there are children living at the address that could be witnessing all this they could involve SS if they felt they needed to.

DH is a Police Officer and I've worked with women and SS in the past where there were children living in a household where they were witnessing Domestic violence.

[WilLiAmHerschel]

Yanbu. I assume you're not that close to him as you went two years without seeing him but I wonder if you or another friend would be able to say something to him?

[Iwonderwhy123]

Thru your comment is ridiculous and victim blaming. Would you say that to a woman in the same situation? (I bloody hope not)
My mother physically and mentally attacked my father who is a foot taller than her and far from a wimp, he was so destroyed by her mentally he was no longer able to stick up for himself and didn't dare hit her back. He eventually found strength to see what she was like after she attacked him with a knife.
OP it does sound as though the poor guy is in a nasty abusive relationship. Is there any way you can make contact with him (safely) and let him know he has support if needed? If you are concerned and witness any violence go to the Police.

[TheFuzz]

A wimp. FFS you wouldn't say that if it was the other way round. What a fool.

[CantWaitForWarmWeather]

Thru You are vile! Should he just take a beating off his girlfriend "like a man"?

I really hope you don't have any sons.

I bet you wouldn't say the same if he was a woman and her boyfriend was the abisive one!

[Andthentherewasmum]

I think thru was just being a goady to get a reaction. I never understand people who want that sort of negative attention.

Do you know any of his mates who you could express your concerns to? Maybe a bloke would be able to safely talk to him and offer support?

[DoctorTwo]

Thru, your bitchplop was vile, and here's why:-

Until you've been in a relationship like this you have no idea how you get sucked in by what seems, on the surface, a lovely person. Soon this person shows their true colours by pushing small buttons. You put up with it and it escalates, sometimes to full on violence.

Here's something I've never told anybody, not even my nearest and dearest: I've been that man. The first 6 months were great, then she started making little digs. About a year in was when the violence started, always followed by an apology and a promise it wouldn't happen again. It took another 18 months before I gathered myself together enough to leave with nothing but the clothes on my back.

I wish I'd known about Mumsnet then, I'd have known about red flags and got out sooner.