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To ask about men watching a women's dance class.

(49 Posts)
farawayplay Wed 20-Jan-16 17:50:05

I've gone to a few sessions of a dance class.

Although it isn't specifically advertised for women, it's only women who attend.

Last class, a middle aged man sat on the sides of the room, watching the women. Not a complete stranger - I believe his partner and daughter were participating in the class.

It's a fairly relaxed amateur community centre room set-up with no specific viewing gallery. People coming and going to pick stuff up.

There is a comfortable and warm waiting area outside. The class before us was all children, so I can understand how on that occasion the men felt they had to stay in for the children.

But for this one, his daughter was definitely older than 16 (and her mum was there too) and he had clearly decided to "sit in" and watch the women.

It was just a regular class - there may be a public performance at some stage, but this was a "practice the moves and get beginners in" session.

When I attended a similar class before, in a more professional set-up, my partner at the time was told not to even stand and peek through the glass in the door at the performers hmm

WorraLiberty Wed 20-Jan-16 17:55:15

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're asking?

I don't see a problem with someone sitting at the side of the room, watching a dance class.

BlueMoonRising Wed 20-Jan-16 17:56:32

Yanbu to ask. But yabu to say you are going to ask and then not actually pose a question.

I can understand why he might want to watch. But I can also understand why you wouldn't want him to, and IMO the attendees rights are greater than the wannabe watcher's.

comedycentral Wed 20-Jan-16 17:58:22

I wouldn't want anyone just watching to be honest. I do look for small class activities as I just feel more confident in smaller groups.

Cleensheetsandbedding Wed 20-Jan-16 17:58:23

I get what your saying. I would have felt a little self conscious trampling about learning new dances moves BUT it's not a women's only class so anyone can gawp you.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Wed 20-Jan-16 17:59:17

I don't think that's on. I don't think anyone should watch unless they are end of term exhibition classes.

I'm going from my experience of having attended and taken lots of dance classes btw! Nothing to do with him being a man.

Oysterbabe Wed 20-Jan-16 17:59:45

Are you implying that this makes him some kind of pervert or something? Surely he's just watching his partner and child?

Only1scoop Wed 20-Jan-16 18:00:27

He's watching his wife and daughter in a dance class. Not a peep

Unless it's pole dancing in a village hall where you are all wearing Botti Riders and rhinestone bra's I don't see the problem.

NellysKnickers Wed 20-Jan-16 18:01:16

DH would have preferred to have gouged out his eyes rather than watch any of my dance classes grin Why don't you mention it to your teacher if you feel uncomfortable?

zippey Wed 20-Jan-16 18:03:44

Was he having a wank while watching? If so yanbu. Otherwise, I don't think anything sordid was going on. It's as bad as those who watch swimmers at the swimming pool.

Wellthen Wed 20-Jan-16 18:06:31

I completely empathize. I left my last dance teacher, mainly because I didn't like her, but also because the girls (a teen ballet class so all around 17) for the pointe class after our beginners adult would always arrive early and sit around chatting and giggling at the sides of the studio. Our teacher would occasionally bring them into the class conversation - she never made an effort to pretend they weren't there.

Having confident smug, young girls who were clearly experienced dancers, watching made me feel stupid and even more self conscious.

I don't think the fact he's a man is an issue, its just odd and off putting behaviour from anyone. A class is not a performance and he's a stranger to most of the class.

merrymouse Wed 20-Jan-16 18:08:48

I don't think he was doing anything strange but equally I might not be comfortable doing an exercise or yoga class with spectators, or rehearsing an am dram or choir performance with an audience (male or female).

Sometimes it takes courage to do these things and it's easier if you have a sense either that you are all in it together or that people are concentrating too much on their own performance to worry about you. I would discuss with the teacher if you find it off putting.

abigamarone Wed 20-Jan-16 18:10:05

As far as I'm concerned, everyone in the room should be joining in, not gawping at what's going on.

We're talking t-shirts and trackie bottoms here, not tutus, right?

WorraLiberty Wed 20-Jan-16 18:12:28

I can't see where the OP said the man was 'gawping'?

lorelei9 Wed 20-Jan-16 18:14:55

I hate it when anyone watches dance class, regardless of gender. Luckily everywhere I've been has banned watchers!

merrymouse Wed 20-Jan-16 18:18:06

There are situations where everybody involved could be wearing a hazmat suit and goggles (oh what it is to be young and studying drama!) and you still wouldn't want to share what you were doing with a wider audience until you felt ready.

batshitlady Wed 20-Jan-16 18:19:49

I agree with you OP. Whilst it isn't sexual crime of the century, the man should be a bit more sensitive to the idea that the women in the group might feel a bit uncomfortable with him sitting there.

GreenGlassLove Wed 20-Jan-16 18:34:26

Don't see your problem to be honest. He's allowed to be there, he's not interrupting as far as your OP goes, what's the big deal? I would suggest you pay more attention to the class you've paid for and less attention to the guy not doing anything wrong.

amarmai Wed 20-Jan-16 18:39:09

agree with you op, Not necessary and i wd not like it. Can you ask the teacher to put up a notice to wait in the waiting area?

Zinni Wed 20-Jan-16 18:43:22

I think its inappropriate and insensitive of him to watch.

At Aquanatal classes one of the husbands used to watch the class- very irritating for all the other pregnant ladies!

Maybe tell instructor he is making you uncomfortable so she can have a word!

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Wed 20-Jan-16 18:51:01

What kind of dancing is it?

My dads a dance teacher..... It's common enough for the men to be awkward, feel they have 2 left feet and to fear being laughed at

He's possibly building up confidence

He may have a disibility

Why are you judging him?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Wed 20-Jan-16 18:53:04

zinni love how you assume the instructor is a 'she'

Furiosa Wed 20-Jan-16 18:59:04

You don't "observe" a dance class, you DANCE a dance class.

QuietWhenReading Wed 20-Jan-16 19:03:32

Speak quietly to the teacher about it if you feel uncomfortable.

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