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To deregister DS1 from school before he gets pushed out?

(64 Posts)
sleepinginmycar Wed 20-Jan-16 11:10:10

Not that it's ideal atm as more crap than I can handle going on. But DS is excluded from school (again) and I fear that the school will permanently exclude him at the reintegration meeting on Friday.
This will mean his only option will be a PRU and that's his whole future down the pan.
I am seriously considering deregistering him and trying home education for a few months, which will also give him a break from mainstream schooling and might help with his ASD.
He is 13 and supposed to be picking his options this week.
would this be a good time or not?

mouldycheesefan Wed 20-Jan-16 11:11:36

Why would the PRU be so terrible? Lots of children do well in them, at least give it a try.

Noodledoodledoo Wed 20-Jan-16 11:15:10

Please do not rule out the PRU option. Most students I know who have had to go that route it has really helped them and not been the end of their futures. It has meant they have left school with some exams and had the help needed to manage the varying issues that have caused them to be sent there. Not always behaviour based.

Can you ask to use the reintegration meeting to talk to the school about alternatives which may be possible?

honkinghaddock Wed 20-Jan-16 11:17:32

I think it depends upon the PRU. Does he have a ehcp? Is specialist asd provision a possibility?

Shineyshoes10 Wed 20-Jan-16 11:17:38

Does he have an EHCP? If not you can apply for one yourself. He's much more likely to get the help he needs when he's in a school. If they permanently exclude and it's because the school aren't meeting his needs due to ASD you can appeal. What are the school doing to help prevent exclusions?

Don't rule out the PRU some are brilliant.

thankthoseluckystars Wed 20-Jan-16 11:24:23

I would absolutely want to keep my child away from a PRU. They are very good but the worry is they would possibly meet children who can be influential over subsequent behaviour. I think your plan sounds fine OP.

GruntledOne Wed 20-Jan-16 11:25:20

A PRU isn't necessarily the only option - if another local school has vacancies in his year group they would have to take him. But I agree with people who say some PRUs are very good. The best teacher DD had in primary school went to work in one.

TeaT1me Wed 20-Jan-16 11:30:17

Can you arrange to visit the PRU and be shown around, talk to a teacher and find out what its like? I looked at a job ad for one once, it looked like a lot of individualised learning and mentoring etc.

Schrodingersmum Wed 20-Jan-16 11:32:45

DD is under our Pru but has never set foot in the place, they pay for her education (ehcp) at Interhigh as she like your son isnt a fit for main stream due to asd anxiety etc

They have been a god send, our support worker visits every half term and attends meetings with us if necessary to advocate

Without this option our DD would have gone from self harm to suicide, today she is a fiesty 13 year old coping well

PRU's often understand kids like ours much better than mainstream, give them a chance and you may be surprised

Your DS isnt coping, his behaviour is a response to where he is and how he feels, in an ideal world what would suit him best?

In the end we made a leap of faith as we wanted a child alive at the end of their education, rather than destroyed by a system she didnt fitflowers

gamerchick Wed 20-Jan-16 11:35:12

Personally I wouldn't. Don't schools have to fork out a 'fine' to place kids elsewhere if they expel outside of special measures?

IsItMeOr Wed 20-Jan-16 11:36:14

Nothing to add except flowers and a hug. Sounds tough right now. I am sure you will figure out the best thing for you and your DS.

BertrandRussell Wed 20-Jan-16 11:37:48

I would find out what the school's going to suggest first.

What's he been excluded for?

Is this his first Secondary school?

OddBoots Wed 20-Jan-16 11:39:42

They shouldn't permanently exclude at the reintegration meeting, they can only do that if there is more evidence regarding whatever caused the fixed term exclusion and that should then be brought before the governors at a meeting to which you should be invited - they can't just permanently exclude there and then.

It is worth being proactive in that meeting though, ask about if they have any options for a managed move (effectively a trial period of several weeks at another school) or a short term period off education off site.

As he has ASD the school need to show they are providing appropriate support for that, if you don't feel they are doing that ask for that to be noted in the meeting on Friday, if you have suggestions for things they should be doing then mention them. If the SENDco is not there at the meeting then it is worth trying to book an appointment with them soon too.

sleepinginmycar Wed 20-Jan-16 11:40:03

I didn't know I could apply for a EHCP, thought it had to come from the school. will look into that.
I was under the impression that a PRU is not good. His current school are always threatening him with this and telling him how bad it will be. Nearest one to us is about 20 miles away too.
Also have talked about a managed move, but the school they have in mind is quite a distance away also.
I just wondered if it might be better for him to jump before he is pushed, sort of resign before getting the sack. Surely it would look better on his school record?

Stillunexpected Wed 20-Jan-16 11:42:58

Do you think you can manage home edding him? I suspect you will need to be actively involved in providing support, resources, etc. If he is not engaged in school, it doesn't mean he will suddenly change at home and if the plan is for him to return to school at a later stage it may make it more difficult for him. I am not denigrating Home Ed by the way, I think it's fantastic, but it's not a simple or the only solution to someone who is having difficulties in their current school.

BertrandRussell Wed 20-Jan-16 11:46:18

"I just wondered if it might be better for him to jump before he is pushed, sort of resign before getting the sack. Surely it would look better on his school record?"

What does the letter abut the reintegration meeting say? They can't just permanently exclude him at the meeting without warning.

What has he been excluded for?

BertrandRussell Wed 20-Jan-16 11:47:55

PRUs vary- the best are very good- the worst are awful. But teachers do use them as a threat sometimes in an attempt to get kids to cooperate.............

NickiFury Wed 20-Jan-16 11:48:40

Why the hell should he go to a PRU? He has a medical condition. There's absolutely no way I would put my extremely impressionable and unaware child with ASD into one. Totally inappropriate in my opinion.

OP I was in a very similar situation to you. I took my 8 year old out of school in the end because despite exhausting all options (NOT the PRU obviously hmm) they were unable to manage his needs and quite frankly didn't particularly want to. Things could have been don but they were very resistant and to be fair there were no guarantees anyway. He was hard work and they wanted him to be someone else's problem.

Taking him out was the making of him, no longer the naughty, problematic child with low self esteem because he wasn't like everyone else. He only rarely exhibits problematic behaviour these days. You may be surprised at exactly how many kids like ours are being home educated and thriving. Can I ask where you're living? PM me if you prefer. If you're near me I could put you in touch with various groups etc smile

Also important to remember that this does not need to be permanent. You have choices for the future and a bit of breathing space could be what you all need. DS could probably go back to school now and manage but we have a great home educating life and if it isn't broken I don't want to fix it.

titchy Wed 20-Jan-16 11:50:42

I'd keep him in the system, at least for now. Once you deregister him you're on your own, and you'll have an uphill battle trying to get any sort of help.

Given the distance and a pending application for an ECHP the meeting on Friday may well agree to put him on the role of the PRU, which means its their responsibility to educate him, but also that education is home based or internet based but with the PRU providing the resources.

Why is his 'school record' so important? Who will ever see it?

anastaisia Wed 20-Jan-16 11:51:07

It's not unreasonable if home education is something you actively want to try, but while he's registered at school the LA have a duty towards him and you might loose avenues of support if you deregister when it isn't something you really want to be doing.

If you do think home education might be a better option - Have you asked on the home ed board here for experiences of people who have done it under similar circumstances? Do you know what's available locally and can you go along to any groups to check them out first? There are lots of local email lists and Facebook groups so you can probably research it before making the decision if you want to.

sleepinginmycar Wed 20-Jan-16 11:54:58

DS has struggled throughout his whole school life. He just does not understand how to socialise with his peers. He speaks before thinking IYSWIM and what he comes out with usually shocks or insults. He is easily led and will do stupid, sometimes dangerous things in order to impress or fit in when others have dared him to. He gets wound up easily which leads to him exploding and lashing out.
This is his first secondary school which we chose because their prospectus seemed to suggest that they were experienced in pupils with SN, but they really don't seem to have a clue.
Last year I had to escort him onto the school property, collect him at lunchtime, take him home, feed him, take him back then collect him from the school office at the end of the day.
The only solution they have is to put him into isolation, noy let him outside at lunch or breaks, and exclude him. He has had 2 exclusions so far since returning to school after the christmas hols.
We have been up in front of the Governors twice. I have sat through countless meetings listening to the Head run through a litany of DS's faults, but they never seem to have any positive strategies put in place. It's almost as though he is the only child they have ever met who has SN and they are scratching their heads.

We have lived with this for a long time so at home we tend to be able to recognise when something is going to kick off and can defuse the issue before something happens. School don't seem to know how to do this.

GruntledOne Wed 20-Jan-16 11:57:49

If they've described the meeting as a reintegration meeting then that is almost certainly what it is, and they won't be talking about permanent exclusion. Some schools impose short term exclusions whilst they investigate further as a result of which they permanently exclude, but normally that would be flagged up from the start.

If I'm right, you need to use this meeting to focus on DS' ASD and how they are going to meet his needs in order to avoid further incidents leading to exclusion. That is very likely to need them to get an ASD adviser in, and probably also an educational psychologist. If he has sensory difficulties, e.g. to noise, they should refer him for occupational therapy, and as ASD is a social communication difficulty they should also be involving a speech and language therapist.

I agree you should get your own request for an EHC assessment in today: the exclusions provide excellent evidence that the school isn't able to meet his needs, which is one of the main criteria. Look at the IPSEA website for a precedent letter. When you meet the school, ask them whether they're prepared to support the application, and don't listen to them if they push you to withdraw or delay it. If possible, go to one of the workshops run by SOS SEN on EHC Plans.

tiggytape Wed 20-Jan-16 12:00:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shineyshoes10 Wed 20-Jan-16 12:00:18

Yes you can apply yourself. If successful you could look at ASD schools.

Regarding the exclusions have you spoken to an organisation like IPSEA? The asking you to collect at lunchtimes are illegal exclusions.

The school should be doing a lot more help you.

The other option is do any colleges near you do courses for 14yo's.

TheHouseOnTheLane Wed 20-Jan-16 12:00:26

Schoedingers situation sounds ideal OP....could you meet with them and ask that they support you in the same way? Interhigh and help from the PRU at home?

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