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To want a cup of tea in bed in the morning?

(212 Posts)
Needtoprotect16 Wed 20-Jan-16 08:17:15

I know ... I know ... Sounds very entitled BUT I do so much in the house and 15 minutes of 'coming to' whilst sipping tea is now, sadly, one of the things that's really important to me given how much else I do: housework, work, study, look after everyone else.

So, now I'm reduced to making a flask and carrying it upstairs at night so it's on hand at 7am. It just seems very sad that I'm having to do this - indicative that no-one gives a flying fuck or appreciates all that I do. It's such a small thing but huge to me.

As a child, I saw my dad make my mum tea every day before going to work, so that's left its mark, I guess. That tenderness and care, realised through the tiniest of gestures, was so important. No-one bothers for me - not OH (knows but can't be arsed); 15 yr old (busy doing make-up/hair) and 10 yr old (too young). Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself this morning. Hey ho.

Hero1callylost Wed 20-Jan-16 08:18:37

Have you told your OH it's important to you?

MsJamieFraser Wed 20-Jan-16 08:20:21

Why can't you make it and then drink it in bed? Why does it have to be someone else.

Dh makes me tea and I him in the morning, depending on whose up first, making it isn't the issue, as we both still get to drink it in bed.

HicDraconis Wed 20-Jan-16 08:22:11

Your 10 year old is not too young to make a cup of tea! My 9 & 8 year old boys have been making our coffee and tea and bringing it up to us in the mornings for the past year.

I'd talk to your oh and explain how under appreciated you feel though. As well as teaching your 10 year old how to boil a kettle.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 20-Jan-16 08:22:46

I love my cup of tea in bed, I've been off work since the week before Christmas and dh always brings me tea in bed.

When I go back in a week or two I'm really going to miss it, he still brings me one up while I'm getting ready.

Why won't dh do it?

BigginsforPope Wed 20-Jan-16 08:22:53

I think a 10 year old is perfectly capable of making a cup of tea. Have you said any of this to your family?
In our house I usually make the morning brew while I let the dogs out but I still sit in bed with it for ten minutes. It is very nice when dh makes it for me but I don't expect him to.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 20-Jan-16 08:27:05

Of course yanbu. I wouldn't necessarily expect it of the kids but if you're dh is up first he should make you one.

I'm up first in our house and I always bring dh a cup of coffee when I come back up to get dressed whilst he's snoozing. It's just the right thing to do.

HermioneJeanGranger Wed 20-Jan-16 08:27:09

Have you asked for one? I don't think you can expect your OH to be a mindreader. DP will make me coffee in bed when he's up first if I ask him to, but I wouldn't expect him to do it otherwise.

But this is obviously symptomatic of a much bigger problem, which is that you feel under-appreciated sad

Doesn't your DP do anything around the house or help you at all?

whattheseithakasmean Wed 20-Jan-16 08:28:47

Whoever gets up first in this house makes the other one a cup of tea - thems is the rooolz. If you get up & don't return with tea for the one in bed, you will be mega unpopular.

It is often me up first, but not invariably. If I get to linger in bed, I also get my tea (occasionally freakishly early, depending on when DH has had to get up).

poocatcherchampion Wed 20-Jan-16 08:29:52

Tea machine?

Katenka Wed 20-Jan-16 08:31:31

I wouldn't dream of making dh a cup of coffee in bed in a morning, never mind every morning.

If it was important to him (and I had time) I would. But I would expect him to tell me.

Dd has been making tea and coffee since she was 8.

PipersOrange Wed 20-Jan-16 08:33:37

You needs teaser made next to the bed

BlueMoonRising Wed 20-Jan-16 08:33:45

You'd all be stuffed in my house. I don't make tea or coffee often as I don't drink it so you wouldn't get one here. If he is making for himself then it would be nice for him to make one for you too, but if not I can totally see why he wouldn't think to make one for you.

MintyBojingles Wed 20-Jan-16 08:34:44


Lweji Wed 20-Jan-16 08:37:04

Your 10 year old is old enough.

They are also all old enough to do a lot around the house.

JapanNextYear Wed 20-Jan-16 08:37:20

I wake up early and in the summer have 2 cups sitting outside and in winter sneak 2 cups back to bed while DH is asleep.

Sometimes he'll make me another cup in the morning, and I love it. At the weekends we roughly take turns. Both work ft.

It is a treat, and he does it because it's an 'easy win' for him. He also knows that I'm a sweaty peri menopausal mess at the mo and a cup of tea helps to replace the fluid lost...

Ask him!

chrome100 Wed 20-Jan-16 08:38:17

Er...make your own tea? I wouldn't expect my DP to make me a cup of tea, especially not in the week.

Needtoprotect16 Wed 20-Jan-16 08:39:12

OH know but can't be arsed/doesn't care.

I think it's this:

'*But this is obviously symptomatic of a much bigger problem, which is that you feel under-appreciated sad*
Doesn't your DP do anything around the house or help you at all?*'

1. Yes, a much bigger problem
2. Not much at all really

But, even given the other marital issues, I do pretty much everything (xmas, birthdays, school, all the mental juggling). I guess I do see it as hugely symbolic of no-one appreciating all this. Appreciation would go a long way, I think.

Yes, OH knows it's important to me.

A tea-machine wouldn't do it, see. It's what it symbolizes more than anything (though I do enjoy it).

The thought of trying to get the kids to do it leaves me exhausted. They only have to empty the dishwasher daily and it's bad enough getting them to do that.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 20-Jan-16 08:40:02

Wake up.
Speak to first person up 'ooh, bring us a cup of tea please love...'

Job done.

Get a rota for everybody doing jobs around the house too. Unless they are physically incapable of washing a dish? Folding a shirt? Vacuuming a carpet?...

Fractiousfractions Wed 20-Jan-16 08:40:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pannacott Wed 20-Jan-16 08:40:42

Aibu is so funny. I was wincing at the slating I thought you'd get. But other, far more reasonable perspectives get butchered. FWIW, I feel the same way OP.

Cachareltastic Wed 20-Jan-16 08:41:42

Can you compromise and make it a weekend thing?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 20-Jan-16 08:42:55

Stop doing the kids jobs.

Ds went through a stage of leaving his dirty plate on the table.

I went through a phase of leaving his meal in the pan as he had no plate.

Then he had to wash his plate before he could eat...

It took him two minutes, but the rest of us had tucked in!

Cachareltastic Wed 20-Jan-16 08:43:05

I was going to suggest a tassimo but you need milk too and it takes away the sentiment of having it made ? Unless you put it on your OH side of the bed?

lacktoastandtolerance Wed 20-Jan-16 08:43:25

"Why can't you make it and then drink it in bed? Why does it have to be someone else."

Because if someone else made it, it would give the tiniest hint that they cared.

OP, sorry you're feeling like this today - and other days no doubt. As others have said, this is obviously about far more than just a cup of tea. You need to talk to your OH, and family, and say why you feel like you do. If they're unwilling to change then you might have to start demonstrating just how much you do. A day or two of not doing it might be a start...

But TALK. And if you're OH doesn't care about this then maybe ask yourself what else he doesn't care about.

I can't believe people are focusing on a practical ways to make a cup of tea.

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