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To be upset that these friends never bother with me (FB related)?

(59 Posts)
EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 21:59:04

When I was pregnant with my youngest child, who is now 6, I joined a mum's club for that month on another parenting forum. When our babies were about 18 months that forum closed down and so we all started a facebook group and carried on chatting there. There are about 20 of us in total.

I have met many of these women and we have had several big group nights out, and I comment and offer support regularly on our Facebook group.

I just feel quite upset as none of them apart from one or two ever comment on or like anything that I put on Facebook, yet they are extremely active on each others' photos and statuses. I know it's only Facebook and that it's meant to be no indication of real life but I can't help the fact that I do find it upsetting and like they're making a bit of a statement that they don't like me. They didn't even comment when my grandad died last year and I did a status about it, yet if one of them posts anything at all they are all over each other.

What gets me too, and I know this makes me seem like a saddo but I cannot help but notice it, is the two women that get the most likes and comments on their stuff never ever comment on anyone else's stuff, and never acknowledge replies from anyone else in the group. I have tried doing the same as these two women but it didn't change anything and still none of them commented on my stuff.

The two that do comment only comment occasionally, and it's never anything very friendly or warm.

Like I said, I know it's only Facebook but I consider them all to be real-life friends as I've met them, and as they live all around the country FB is the way to keep in touch with them all.

AIBU to be upset by it all? I am considering just deleting them all, leaving the group and moving on.

CaptainCrunch Tue 19-Jan-16 22:02:27

I don't have Facebook and don't really understand how it works but if it's making you paranoid and miserable the logical conclusion would be to get rid of it.

wickedwaterwitch Tue 19-Jan-16 22:03:29

YANBU but I wouldnt say they're real friends - it doesn't sound like it really.

I think there's often something artificial about friendships made online but it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful. Can you concentrate on making more RL friends instead and investing in those RL people you meet and like?

It is hard with a new baby, I hope you meet some nice mum friends soon. Good luck.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:06:52

Luckily I have lots of great other friends that I know in real life. It just makes me think what on earth is wrong with me that none of this group of women can put themselves out for me to comment a couple of lines on, say, a photo of my children, when they gush all over each other.

wickedwaterwitch Tue 19-Jan-16 22:07:04

(Btw, I have hundreds of online friendships but I'd say only a handful are truly friends, by which I mean I see them, we talk, meet and, most importantly, I trust them. The rest really are just online 'friends')

wickedwaterwitch Tue 19-Jan-16 22:07:48

You're asking he wrong question! It's not what is wrong with you but what is wrong with them.

Bellyrub1980 Tue 19-Jan-16 22:07:59

You don't know how much the 'popular' woman are communicating in private messages. Maybe they're responding privately each time, which reinforces more likes/replies from friends in the public forum.

What kind of things do you post generally?

Gabilan Tue 19-Jan-16 22:08:59

Leave the group. You're not getting what you want from it.
It is hurtful, especially when you've met irl, but they're not truly friends. Sorry.

gandalf456 Tue 19-Jan-16 22:10:25

I get this a lot on Facebook. In follow them so you don't see their stuff

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:12:04

I just post normal stuff really. Not loads but photos of the kids from time to time or a status maybe once or twice a week.

I am generally an upbeat person and not whingey or moany.

I don't think the popular women are responding privately, they're not really that type to, they're quite aloof.

Bellyrub1980 Tue 19-Jan-16 22:15:28

Facebook is such a fake world really. You only see a snapshot of people's lives, so everything about them looks perfect and happy.

I have a friend (someone I went to school with) who constantly posts things like "went for a run today" or "ate a gorgeous fresh melon" accompanied with a cheesy selfie. She gets likes into the 50's for this kind of dull crap. This is the kind of woman who does fruit/veg art for her perfect child. She's basically the human version of Pinterest. She was the most popular girl at school and seems to have maintained the skill for attracting followers.

But why does she feel the need to validate herself like that? Does she have any true friends? Can she really be THAT happy?

Bellyrub1980 Tue 19-Jan-16 22:18:23

I agree with the others. Ditch the group. Why are they all gushing over these few woman who give them nothing back? Weird, and seems a bit playground 'bitchy'. You'd be better off out of it.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:20:03

Yeah I think they are all a bit playgroundish tbh. I know that I need to take control and ditch them all really.

AFootInBothCamps Tue 19-Jan-16 22:20:18

I know how you feel, OP. I have the same thing. People who are supposed friends yet there is tumble weed blowing across my wall while there is a party on everyone elses.

Only difference is that it seems to be that way in RL now too! sad

But I had a good cull of friends and it felt so much better! Perhaps reevaluate if they are worth your time?

WonderingAspie Tue 19-Jan-16 22:21:27

YANBU, I think FB is a reflection of RL in a way. I have a friend who likes others status's and comments all the time, she never ever likes or comments on anything of mine. Especially when it is something about my DS who I suspect she doesn't like. She did like a photo of DD a little while ago but none of the ones of DS. I do think people use FB as a way to demonstrate how they feel in RL, in a way that means they can do it without saying outright 'I don't really like you'. I was part of some group conversations and one person took issue with me and kept deleting me because she decided I wasn't joining in (a lie, I was). Now none of that circle communicate with me at all via FB, not a single like or anything. I think it says a lot.

Delete them all OP, they aren't worth your time and they aren't friends.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:24:10

WonderingAspie, I totally agree. People definitely seem to use FB as a way of demonstrating how they feel without having to say it.

AFoot, my wall often feels like it has tumbleweed too, although I know my good, true friends will always like and comment.

It hurts when I, say, do a status saying my son isn't too well and none of the group will reply then on the same day another group member will say their child isn't well and all of them will reply with gushing messages.

TheSecondViola Tue 19-Jan-16 22:27:20

Like I said, I know it's only Facebook but I consider them all to be real-life friends as I've met them, and as they live all around the country FB is the way to keep in touch with them all

The thing is, you may consider them friends, but that doesn't mean they consider you friends. And that doesn't make them bitches, or vile, or any of the things that people are going to tell you they are.
IT makes them normal people who just don't consider you a close friend and aren't particularly interested in your FB feed. It doesn't say anything about you or them, other than you're not close.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:29:08

I totally know what you are saying Viola, and you are right I'm sure, but it's just hurtful that they are interested in everyone else, except me.

CaptainCrunch Tue 19-Jan-16 22:30:32

If you have rl friends and people on fb who respond to you positively why do you set so much store by these people. You're coming across to me as a bit needy and insecure which probably is evident to them too. Focus on the people who are decent and appear to care about you, not ones who don't.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:31:40

Needy and insecure because I find it upsetting that they all ignore me?

gandalf456 Tue 19-Jan-16 22:34:52

I think it's easy to get a skewed perspective. I know I have. A lot of people trim down their friends list sometimes for similar reasons.

CaptainCrunch Tue 19-Jan-16 22:35:36

Yes, you want validation and recognition from a bunch of people who have no interest in you and are trying to make them care. Sorry op but it's a bit pathetic.

LordOfMisrule Tue 19-Jan-16 22:38:15

They're just not that into you! Move on, focus on those who do love you.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:38:36

I'm not trying to make anyone care. I'm just saying I find it upsetting that they clearly don't, and wondering why they don't seem to.

No need at all for you to insult me, Captaincrunch, when it's clear that I'm feeling a bit shit about it in the first place.

EverythingChangesButChocolate Tue 19-Jan-16 22:39:48

Galdalf, I've thought about trimming down my friends list too, I really need to do that.

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