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To think people who say "It's just a period, man up"...

(89 Posts)

... are twats?

I see this all the time on social media, on forums, hear it in real life and it's driving me crazy! People thinking they're so tough and hard and saying "Ugh why are some women such wimps, it's just a period, no-one needs time off for a period, just man up". Please tell me this isn't a widespread belief and I'm just unlucky to be surrounded by twats who feel this way? They seem utterly incapable of realising that not everyone has a three-day period that they can manage with a medium-flow Lil-Lets and a paracetamol at the most.

Why is it almost always women that say this? And why do they take such pride and triumph in saying this, like "Yes, I've won the Period Olympics, I am Queen of the Periods, look at me!" and treat anyone struggling with period pain/heavy periods/endometriosis/PCOS/severe PMT like they're just wimps?

This seems to come up all the time on feminist groups of all places. Why is this something people get competitive over?!

PurpleDaisies Tue 19-Jan-16 10:29:38

I have literally never seen this.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 19-Jan-16 10:31:06

YADNBU. I have endo and such statements send me in to a stabby rage. Especially from female managers at work. Luckily the HR lady also has endo so never gave me grief over needing time off "just" for a period.

Whoknewitcouldbeso Tue 19-Jan-16 10:32:59

I have had very painful periods in the past and it wasn't easy to just crack on, even having taken pain relief. There will always be women who sail through periods, pregnancy and menopause and you'll never change their thinking. They are the 'superwoman' of this world.

LeotardoDaVinci Tue 19-Jan-16 10:34:12

YANBU. I think there are those who just don't have it as bad as others. I don't suffer much these days - apart from the inconvenience of it but there have been times - especially as a teenager - when I would have been in terrible pain with migraines too (hormone related). I was not capable of "manning up". Perhaps those who say these things and do not suffer so much feel that those who do are letting down the female side by making out that we are weaker for feeling pain and having so little control over it?

Krampus Tue 19-Jan-16 10:38:03

I hope it's that you're surrounded by twats.

I am one of those people with 3 day periods and can get away with a bit of toilet roll rather than pads, my worse sympton is feeling light headed. I completely understand why some women would need time off.

madein1995 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:38:21

I'm generally very sympathetic - I have PCOS and very heavy flow , and its annoying having to change constantly or being in pain. But what really winds me up is this one woman I know who has really bad pains, as in rolling on the floor, yet refuses to take as much as a paracetamol or go to the doctor, that annoys me. If you're not willing to try and do something about it (eg painkillers) then don't complain.

YANBU
I have PCOS and Endo. How do you "man up" (confused its a woman's issue) when you have taken prescription painkillers and anti-spasmodics and you still can't stand upright.

WilLiAmHerschel Tue 19-Jan-16 10:44:42

Anyone who says 'man up' to a women or girl, in any context apart from one involving fancy dress, really gets on my tits.

Janeymoo50 Tue 19-Jan-16 10:44:51

I've never heard this thankfully, as I have horrendous periods (pure agony for two or three days, flooding through super plus tampons and heavy duty pads, and bleed for min 6 days roughly every 25 days). I've had time off work for it too.

TiredButFineODFOJ Tue 19-Jan-16 10:48:30

I recently had a period which was light and had no side effects or pain. It was amazing. How lovely it must be to live your life with those! Not a single painkiller needed, tampons for two days. There's no "super" power in dealing with something so inconsequential.
Dealing with cramps which are on the same scale as labour, flooding, vomiting, diahorrea, migraine every frigging 24 days is a bastard super power.

NeedACleverNN Tue 19-Jan-16 10:48:52

It's just women being competitive

It's like some women really look down on others who have pain relief or a caesarean when giving birth.

It's not giving birth if you don't feel it apparently

TheCatsMeow Tue 19-Jan-16 10:51:54

I hate that attitude. I've had periods where I've needed tramadol, dihydrocodeine and diazepam to prevent me from screaming.

Anyone saying that is lucky they don't have painful periods

Titsalinabumsquash Tue 19-Jan-16 10:52:06

I've had this! As someone who has been hospitalised when having a period due to blood loss and pain they can quite frankly fuck off! angry

I got the same from my ex's mother when I was pregnant, she would sigh and say "you're pregnant, it's not bloody terminal!" I was in a wheel chair due to severe spd and incredibly weak form 9 months of severe 24hr sickness but she felt that was no reason to slack on the house work and 'wife' duties.angry

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Jan-16 10:52:22

I haven't seen or heard this.

I hate the expression 'man up' though.

If I'm talking to a woman who I think needs to toughen up, I tell her to 'woman up'.

WRT periods or anything else, some people suffer in silence, some will mention it now and then and some won't stop fucking banging on about how they're feeling.

But that's not exclusive to women. My brother for example is horrible to be around when he has a cold or a headache, and tells everyone about 100 times an hour how shit he feels.

TheCatsMeow Tue 19-Jan-16 10:52:23

Yeah Need is right it's a pathetic one upper type thing

shouldnthavesaid Tue 19-Jan-16 10:54:07

Ha, I've been told this before too. The last natural period I had pre mirena, I was rushed to hospital as the doctors thought I'd twisted an ovary - nope, it was a period that had me writhing in agony vomiting with a fever. I have suspected endometriosis - periods are absolute hell. I'm on sick leave monitoring at work as they can't understand why the pain I'm left in doesn't always mean I can work safely.

shouldnthavesaid Tue 19-Jan-16 10:55:50

Found an old chart from when I was 19 of period pain medication - at one stage I was taking codydramol, naproxen, tranexamic acid, northisterone and cyclizine just to function every 4 weeks.

Whatdoidohelp Tue 19-Jan-16 10:57:00

Yanbu. For me period pain can be absolutely horrendous.

WorraLiberty Tue 19-Jan-16 10:58:58

Meant to say that I agree it's shit to take the attitude that all periods are equal, and therefore if one person can deal with theirs, everyone else should too.

You see the same on MN about breastfeeding.

Some people find it easy and therefore have no understanding of the fact that some other people really don't.

Pilgit Tue 19-Jan-16 10:59:54

I feel your pain! I don't have endo or PCOS but have always had hideous periods. I dread to think what it would be like if I did have either of those things and those ladies that do have my utmost respect and support. I get migraines, severe abdominal cramp and I go through a lot of sanitary towels each day as the flow is so much. Some people really have no idea. I have been sorely tempted to punch people when they say 'it's only a period'.

Sorry to hear others have had it too! I'm undergoing diagnosis for endometriosis and I'm spending two weeks a month taking tramadol religiously because in addition to the very painful heavy periods, I have agonising mid-cycle pains and bleeding too. It was originally misdiagnosed as chronic appendicitis, lots of hospital admissions, almost ended up having my appendix out at one point, and whenever anyone asked what it was and I told them, they were hugely sympathetic, seemed shocked that I was putting up with the pain etc.

When the diagnosis changed to endometriosis, whenever anyone asked and I told them about it, the reactions changed completely and it was all "periods aren't that painful", "it's just a period", "man up". The pain hasn't changed, it hasn't become any less painful or frequent or serious - but because it's a women's issue, suddenly I'm seen as hysterical?

I agree that people who complain continually and publicly are grating - but I only ever talk about it when people ask why I've been in hospital etc, so that doesn't explain their reactions.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Tue 19-Jan-16 11:36:47

Those people don't have endo.

I remember the GP asking me to compare my pain to that of my peers, I said they don't seem to be one the floor scrunched up to try & get the pain to go away, as well as being sick & don't seem to be in agony the rest of the month either. He just sort of blinked at me & referred me to my fabulous gynaecologist (who's seen me through 4 pregnancies, I've been very lucky as I've never struggled to conceive).

It was periods that started my problems at secondary school. They couldn't understand why I needed 1 week off minimum each month until they had a SEN worker start who also had endo, she helped me immensly & also helped the school understand, where the letters from my gyne hadn't, the very real impact it can have not just during your period. After she started plans were put in place for me to be given work etc to complete at home while I was off & I thrived academically, although I had very few friends. In the end I left school at the end of y9 to go on to a college course for children with 'issues' in mainstream school & did very well with my results both in GCSEs & on my BTEC course.

Littletabbyocelot Tue 19-Jan-16 11:54:10

I had this, from the hospital doctor who saw me for a follow up after I was admitted and kept on a morphine drip. Just take two paracetemol. Fortunately next time I ended up in A and E I was followed up by someone else.

A decade (and countless operations) later I didn't notice I was in labour because the pain was so much less than an average period.

I have a friend who used to pass out with the pain of her periods, so any of my friends saying something like this would get very short shrift from me!

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