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To ask how you would handle nursery and potty training without raving like a woman on the edge...

(47 Posts)
SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:45:59

DD does not bloody get it, every single day she pooes and sits in it until I smell it. The only time I've caught a wee is first thing if I just sit her until she wets. If she's not too busy having a random meltdown. She retains it I think, even after 15 min on a potty she'll wet 5 min later. Name a strategy, I've tried it. Most of them have just meant I'm a master of getting bodily fluids out of rugs....progress zero. Oh except she loves the routine, sits,wipes, hands etc. Could do it all day, without one wee in the right place, if you let her. 'I did it', yes love....on the floor.

Nursery think if I send her in knickers she will magically train just because she's 'too old'.. I think she'll just piddle all over the place like at home, been trying over a year now. I don't think its great socially, I had an awful incident recently with other kids her age calling her poo bum and laughing running away (luckily she didn't understand as shes speech delayed but her brother cried) so I don't think daily puddles will help and id rather train at home until she's made just a little progress. I want to scream I know how to potty train, done her siblings and as a nursery teacher others. Even when doing her (totally unrelated) care plan meeting recently the nurse turned half of it into 'ooo its expensive you keeping her in nappies...' why KEEPING? I have tried so damn hard.

So as not to drip feed, she's always been a slow developer. I'm at the point of withdrawing her until she's trained so home education at this rate

Not sure I need a solution even, just a rant, I know time will resolve this, but aghhhh fuckssakebollocks. anyone else who' been through this...?

<goes to clean up the hill the playmobil men have just been graced with>

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles Mon 18-Jan-16 14:48:44

How old is dd? Sympathy from here. ..I HATED potty training

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:49:44

princehans, my others followed the manual and just got on with it

she's still 3

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:50:01

If she has speech delay she could well be delayed in this regard too. They really don't sound very understanding. Sympathies.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:50:17

thank you for sympathy, likewise

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:52:17

fanjo, she is just plain delayed really. If you think of a milestone, it was late. That's a whole other issue, nagging about I havent destroyed the waiting lists and got a better service.

superram Mon 18-Jan-16 14:52:28

Nursery potty trained both of mine. Toilet was in the room (not quite but visible) all their mates were going. Dd great from day 1, ds wet every item of clothing for 3 days then fine. Never looked back, if nursery are so keen I would let them get on with it.

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles Mon 18-Jan-16 14:53:25

I would be tempted to just give it a break for a bit and tell nursery in no uncertain terms to back off. My ds trained at 3yrs 3mos (ie dry) but had no interest prior to that. He took another 6 months after that to be proficient in pooing in the toilet so we had a LOT of dirty pants (but almost never a wee accident) Luckily nursery were very gentle and sympathetic with us.

ALemonyPea Mon 18-Jan-16 14:53:52

Your poor DD. There is a link between speech delay and toilet training and nursery should be aware of that.

They can't force you to toilet train her and they also can't refuse to take her just because she isn't.

Hopefully someone more knowledgable will be able to link something for you to be able to produce for nursery.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Mon 18-Jan-16 14:53:55

I had this with ds1, he would poo in his pants after nursery. He did it everyday for six months, until he was three and a half and poo'd in his potty by accident, which caused him to have a lightbulb moment. I was pregnant at the time too.

Her nursery worker is being daft. I'd be tempted to send her in with knickers and six changes of clothes, and then ask at pickup if they enjoyed that and are they still keen for her to wear pants instead of nappies when she isn't ready?
You have my sympathy, a difficult to toilet train child is awful, frustrating and messy and guilt inducing. The last thing you need is an unsupportive attitude from her nursery, and I genuinely would send her in without nappies so they can see for themselves she isn't ready.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:55:21

superram-She goes every day with others and loves it, even though she fell off the loo there on friday and has a black eye she was still happy to go today. Wears pull ups, she's never gone there, just joins the routine. been doing this for a year with not one wee in the loo.

Buttercup27 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:55:36

Your situation sounds similar to mine. Ds speech delay and delayed in other areas (didn't walk until 2 ) he potty trained at 3 and a bit. He wasn't interested before and would wee everywhere without a nappy on. One day he just refused a nappy at changing time (he was so big wrestling a nappy on want an option) so I said fine but you have to use a potty. From that day to this we have had 3 accidents. I don't know how or why, maybe because it was on his terms or he was just ready, but it worked.
He also refused to wear one to bed which I was really nervous of. I put a waterproof sheet onto his bed. He has had 1 night time accident.
Don't let the nursery push you into something your dd isn't ready for. I was lucky, I'm an EYFS teacher so the nursery didn't argue with me waiting.

superram Mon 18-Jan-16 14:55:59

Sorry I hadn't read your op properly-nursery needs to sort out the unkind behaviour of the other kids. I might still be tempted to let them try though. She doesn't have to be dry to go to school though.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:56:51

she fully understands the idea, wants to go, sits there looking for the wee excitedly. doesn't release

Marzipants Mon 18-Jan-16 14:57:21

DS had speech delay and was a nightmare to potty train. I'd be tempted to say fuckit and try again in the spring / summer. And if nursery have any problems tell them they're welcome to do your laundry for you, but you'd rather wait until the weather was better.

When they're so wrapped up I think it can be harder to potty train. With hindsight I wouldn't have started DS in November, he could sit happily in dirty pants for hours.

Good luck! And don't let nursery push your into doing things you're not all ready for (easier said than done!).

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:58:26

superram-the incident was at her brothers school over the road

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 14:59:24

i honestly don't mind the laundry, but I hate the social aspect of it.

ToInfinity Mon 18-Jan-16 15:03:15

OP I feel your pain!
I started potty training in Sept 2014 and he has STILL not got the hang of it! I'm talking multiple accidents a day, poos and wees. And like your DC he won't mention it and will just sit in it until I notice!
It is driving me nuts! Been to the docs, scoured the Internet, tried every method under the sun and still nothing!
He has made some slight progress in the last few months but we are still miles away from being potty trained, and he starts school in Sept! How foolish of me to think 2 years would be long enough!

Sorry I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say you're not alone!


sparkofnaturesfire Mon 18-Jan-16 15:19:51

You have my sympathies flowers

I'm currently trying to toilet train my DS before he starts nursery in 2 weeks and I bloody hate it. Plus I'm 37 wks pregnant and cba tbh.

However you're in a different situation as your DD has been delayed in areas of her development and the nursery should back the hell off and be more supportive. Not everyone can run to the same timetable.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 16:12:56

toinfinity-thank you, your post has calmed right down to hear. I too have scoured the net.

spark- she's not so delayed they see as sn, immature/ small rather. Her last development assessment was 24 months in most areas, 12 months receptive language, 18 months spoken, she'd caught up a lot between 2 and 3... so she's like many of their 2 yr olds. That assessment she was discharged by sn team as developing normally, overcoming early muscle stiffness, and suddenly she's gone from 'sn' to 'normal' in expectations overnight! It doesn't mean those she's not babyish.

buttercup- I've taught eyfs, and actually have more experience as well as sen qualifications. I go from the 'expert' at work to the mum who needs to be told the basics at home, winds me up more than a tad...

I've calmed down loads (after a low of her trying to eat poo earlier, rock bottom and all that...) but I am considering withdrawing her for a while and sticking with playgroups etc

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Mon 18-Jan-16 16:25:47

My son is delayed too (speech, general understanding, fine & gross motor skills). He trained very late you'd have thought he was a grown man wearing nappies the way some family members talked about it It finally clicked with him a month after his 4th birthday. I honestly had moments when I thought we'd never get there before school but we did, with a couple of months to spare. Sorry I've not been much help but I hope it gives you hope you'll get there!

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Mon 18-Jan-16 16:30:43

bernard-I don't need help really, just to be understood :-)
I am trying, it broke my heart to see kids the other day running and laughing at her, why the fuck would any mother not try to prevent that? I just want sometimes people to see I do my best for her, and as a teacher my best really isn't too shabby. I dont need lectures/ parenting classes, we are happy and we will get there!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 18-Jan-16 16:37:56

Ive been there with potty training. DD just couldn't grasp it. And it's hard not to push them. Your friends dd and The little boy from down the road are fully potty trained, and . They're all younger than yours. That was it was like for me. They were all out of nappies day and night by the time they were one. It was so frustrating. But in the end my nan who like most elderly people was very wize and worldly educated said. I live that baby's not ready. Fuck what people are doing. Just concentrate on little I live. All kids are different. Try when she's a bout 3. And old enough to understand, and you know what I did. I stopped worrying and comparing.
I just said nappies are for babies. You need to go on the toilet like a big girl and that was it. She was done. No hassle, no nothing.
The nursery are way out of line putting further pressure on you. As you're just going to get more frustrated with your dd which is not going to help. That's the thing about children. They're very stubborn. They'll do things when they're ready. You'd think as qualified childcare practioners they'd know that.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Mon 18-Jan-16 17:39:23

Oh I understand completely. I worry about similar issues. My little boy had an accident at school. He'd had a poo on the toilet but got a bit on his shirt when he wiped. I was really proud of him for trying, as was his teacher. A few days later we followed a boy from his class down to school. The little boy kept turning round saying "pooey littlebernard, stinky littlebernard" I asked him politely to stop & now get nothing but death stares off his mother at pickup time. His nursery was quite good but did get increasingly pushy (for want of a better word) the closer we got to the end of term. It got the point where I just smiled through gritted teeth & said I'm trying my very best. Of course you will, she obviously gets the theory which is half the battle smile

ProcrastinatorGeneral Mon 18-Jan-16 17:44:54

My youngest is four and hasn't the foggiest, despite us trying with alarming regularity. I've given up until half term again, and I'm hoping a straight week of naked child and a trillion potties, a step and a new loo seat might work.

He's awaiting asd assessment too, but I'm remaining ever hopeful!

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