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To steal my Cat back?

(59 Posts)
HairySubject Mon 18-Jan-16 10:31:39

I will put in all of the background so as not to drip feed.

When my exp moved in with me he brought his cat. Previously Cat and Ex had lived with his mother. Exp moved out a few years later but cat stayed.

The cat was never very loyal, would disappear for days on end but always came back and actually set up home with one of my neighbours. it spent some nights at ours and some nights at theirs, we both fed it and loved it.

In October I had to move, the plan was for me to live in a new house for a month and then after that month to move into Exp's mums house as she was moving away. Exp lives elsewhere.

Because I was moving twice and Cat had already lived at Exp's mums house most of its life we decided that Cat should go straight there and then when I moved in he would be my cat again.

Well at some point between him moving back there and me moving in Cat ran away. No one told me until I moved in and asked where he was. Exp's mum and I don't have a great relationship and wouldn't ever cjat but I would have thought they might mention my missing cat.

So by the time I found out Cat had been missing about a month. I looked for him around the area but couldn't see him, rang local vets, he hadn't been brought in. He is an old cat so I resigned to the fact that he had died but still kept an eye out for him in the area.

I had to go back to our old area last week and there was Cat, I couldn't get him straight away because I was walking the kids to the dentist and couldn't A) take the cat with me or B) carry the cat the couple of miles back on foot.

When I went back to collect him our old neighbours said they were keeping him, he was settled and that they had heard I wasn't looking after him (I wasn't no, I had left him in the care of people that I trusted too though!) . They won't give him back. They said he went back there looking for them but they he could just of easily been looking for us, he didn't know I had moved and was going to join him at Exp's Mums.

Would I be unreasonable to sneak round and steal him back or should I leave him be, he is settled, well looked after and an old cat who has already got his place in the picking order of the area and would have to assert himself again if I brought him home.

I just miss my Cat and the kids miss him too. However would it be worse on the kids if I brought him back and he ran off again?

Oh and I am allergic to him! Remind me again why I want to go cat napping?!

TheCatsMeow Mon 18-Jan-16 10:33:39

I'd steal him back, what cheeky fuckers!

AnUtterIdiot Mon 18-Jan-16 10:36:43

You should leave him where he is. Cats sometimes make up their own minds about this sort of thing. He's happy and settled in your old area with your neighbours. He will keep running away unless you keep him in all the time. I would accept that he's happy with them and consider a new cat that will bond with you.

(One of our cats moved out once because he no longer got on with one of the others - went to live with a neighbour. I do sympathise but what's the point of keeping him with you if he doesn't want to be there?)

SaucyJack Mon 18-Jan-16 10:39:34

I'd leave him be.

It doesn't sound as though they stole him to me; it sounds as though he chose to move back in.

"“If you love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be.”

Hereward1332 Mon 18-Jan-16 10:40:00

Honestly, the cat seems to have made his choice. You could go round and catch the cat, bring him back and keep him inside etc, but it doesn't sound like it's what the cat wants. After a month, have the children accepted the cat has gone? Bring him back risks upsetting them if he goes awol again.

Given that he is being cared for, perhaps you could rescue another animal from a shelter instead.

PaulAnkaTheDog Mon 18-Jan-16 10:43:13

Just leave the poor soul. He's settled and happy.

HairySubject Mon 18-Jan-16 10:44:56

He could have gone back there looking for us also though and when we weren't there, not knowing where we were decided to stay. If he had left us directly and gone back to them I would accept that, but the fact that he left exps mum and didn't know where we were is what muddies the water a little bit.

To be honest I think he went back knowing he had two homes that fed him well rather than either family specifically.

Littleredhouse Mon 18-Jan-16 10:45:01

I would leave him there. He's an old boy who's settled in a loving stable home with your neighbours and seems to have made his choice. You could think about homing another pet for your kids (allergies permitting) - maybe a younger pet would be more suitable for a busy h/h anyway as your old cat sounds like he wants a quiet retirement home now!

nipersvest Mon 18-Jan-16 10:47:43

i have a feeling even if you did take the cat back, he'd go again, as others have said, cats will do that, a bit more free spirited than dogs and whenever we've been to the cat rescue centre, the cats we've adopted have very much chosen us rather than us choosing them.

as he's old, i'd leave him where he is. it would be different if he wasn't being looked after but it sounds like the ex neighbours he's with care for him, feed him, take him to the vet if he was ill etc.

nipersvest Mon 18-Jan-16 10:49:51

you say in your op, "The cat was never very loyal, would disappear for days on end but always came back and actually set up home with one of my neighbours", cat could even have a 3rd home somewhere if he's a wanderer.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Mon 18-Jan-16 10:53:56

How did Cat react when you saw him? Was he pleased to see you?
Personally I would leave him where he has chosen.

HairySubject Mon 18-Jan-16 10:54:26

That is very true Nipersvest when he lived with Ex and his mum he had a second home. He has probably got several homes all over the place.

I think it is best to leave him be but very sad that he might have thought we abandoned him. Maybe I am giving him human emotions he is not capable of there though!

GruntledOne Mon 18-Jan-16 10:55:52

As he's an old cat who's had a fair bit of disruption in his life, I'd leave him there and get another cat.

HairySubject Mon 18-Jan-16 10:55:59

Room he was across the horses field on the rocks so he didn't see us, we just caught a glimpse of him and realised that he must be in the old area, when we went back for him we searched the fields first before realising that he was probably with the neighbours.

allthatissolidmeltsintoair Mon 18-Jan-16 11:02:46

Owning a cat isn't like owning another possession. They have a will of their own and sometimes they 'choose' who they want to own them (which causes all kinds of problems when that person isn't the person who got them in the first place!). I understand the indignation in these cases - I really do - but the cat has some will about this, and they do vote with their feet.

In this case, your cat has found a home with people who clearly love him and would be devastated to lose him. This is a good outcome - he's happy, which is the primary consideration, and they are happy looking after him too. I know it's hard for you to let go, but hopefully the times you've had apart from him have been good in getting you used to the idea that he's not always around.

Older cats in particular get set in their ways. If he's happy and cared for, I would leave him be and get another cat - one that fits more with your life (and allergies!)

KitKat1985 Mon 18-Jan-16 11:03:53

In all honesty, if he's happy and settled I'd be tempted to leave him be. I think cats are quite independent and territorial, and can be more attached to places than people sometimes.

Also deeply curious why you would move into exp mum's house

LastInTheQueue Mon 18-Jan-16 11:04:54

I'd let him be. He's had a lot of disruption, these people clearly care for him, and he went back of his own volition.

MsMims Mon 18-Jan-16 11:05:33

I would take him back. Just because they love him too, doesn't mean your love is any less worthy. It's not like he chose them over you, by the time he got back you had moved out.

Also, as he is getting older and decisions may (or may not) have to be made about his health I would want to be the one doing that. They may make different decisions that affect his quality or quantity of life based on financial or other commitments that you would overcome.

If you're going to leave him with them, I would want a commitment from them that they would take out insurance for him.

Who is named on his microchip?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 18-Jan-16 11:06:56

I think I'd leave him where he is too,he's old and would probably be very pissed off with you for uprooting him.

fidel1ne Mon 18-Jan-16 11:10:44

Wait. You don't have a great relationship with your ex's mum but you're moving into her house while she's away?

fresta Mon 18-Jan-16 11:10:50

I'd definitely leave him where he is. It would be very selfish to steal him.

ExitPursuedByABear Mon 18-Jan-16 11:11:07

Leave him. He is old, and settled.

pictish Mon 18-Jan-16 11:12:00

I think you should leave him where he is too. If you like having a cat around then get another one. x

stairbears Mon 18-Jan-16 11:15:16

Leave him be, it's kinder. If you and the kids missed him so much why didn't you enquire as to his wellbeing sooner, when he was supposedly at the exp's mother's? There's no way my cat would go missing for a month and me not know about it... You're miffed nobody told you, but you should have been asking as to his wellbeing THEN.

Leave the poor old boy in peace now.

shihtzumamma Mon 18-Jan-16 11:15:25

On one hand I think if that was my cat I would take him back but as the saying goes 'you never own a cat a cat owns you' I'm thinking just leave him be hes made up his own mind.

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