Friend issues and my issues(10 Posts)
Ok this is going to sound really bizarre so bear with me.
When I was younger I had a friend I was immensely close to- like sisters really. I don't have a lot of family so friends are very important to me. Anyway we were friends for about 5-6 years and then suddenly I got dropped like a stone. I was totally and utterly hearbroken. For ages. Eventually I got over it, but it took a long time.
Fast forward a good 10 years later, and we've now got back in touch- she's apologised for what she did back the -she had some mental issues at the time and cut a lot of people off it seems.
We've been getting closer again these last few months, and stupidly I've let myself get v emotionally invested in her again- against my better judgement. She seems to have this effect on me, and I can't help it.
And now I'm struggling with a few issues. She tends to blow hot and cold at times, and this flares up the old feelings I had before - and I keep thinking I'm going to get dropped again. Also I feel I'm giving far more to the friendship than she is, and it's frustrating.
I tell myself to take a step back, but I can't seem to do it- she says jump and I'm all how high?! She is actually a v nice person really but I'm scared she's going to be hurt again- and maybe I'm being used and can't see it. I'm so confused.
I don't want to lose her friendship for the 2nd time in my life because we really do get on so well and grew up together - but also is it doing me more harm than good?!
Oh it's a mess and it's proper stressing me out - Help wise people
You say you can't take a step back but here's the thing - you MUST. For the sake of your sanity if nothing else because this person is what she is and she cannot or will not help that. It's in her to have the ability to treat someone the way she treated you and that's going nowhere. I have a friend like this - actually a relative by marriage and she did exactly this to me. I allowed her to do it to me twice - I actually did that! It won't happen again though - there is a part of me that is now detached and a part of our relationship that will never be repaired. Her fault, not mine. Protect yourself.
Sorry pressed too soon! I know your right- I just have never felt so close to a friend before. Even though she did what she did - I seem to connect with her better than anyone. It's all so shit
Do you have other friends?
It might not be her fault in that it could be her MH issues, I suppose but this is clearly not good for you.
If you have other friends, I would invest more in them and that way you're not reliant on her so her behaviour won't affect you as much.
If you don't have other friends then I would really concentrate on that; perhaps join a club or hobby? Just something to get you out of these dependency.
I do have other friends yes, but somehow never seemed to connect as well with them. God sometimes I just hate people
In a way a good friendship is just like a relationship and you do instantly connect but you also have to get a point where you think about how much it's costing you emotionally.
Your other friends may not be as connected to you but they're (presumably) less work, less drama and leave you leaving less shitty.
That's where to put your effort. I'm not saying cut the friendship off but if you want to make plans, don't make her the first choice for making them IYSWIM.
It's a self-preservation thing.
It's difficult as pp had said as in friendships can be like a relationship. Sometimes it's good to get on another level which may not be as it was before but to stay friends could be for the best. its a shame but it is what it is. Spend time with your other friends for your sanitys sake.
You KNOW what you need to do, you've written it yourself, you must take a step back. I get that it will be hard and that you obviously have a deep connection to her but it's self preservation, you don't want to end up hurt again and to prevent that you need to take some control back.
I think talking to her about how you feel would be a good idea. It almost sounds like getting back together with an ex partner and you wouldn't do that without discussing why you split up and how you feel about it now. If she's a good friend she will be happy to have this chat and will want to work out a way with you to get over these feelings. If she won't talk or gets funny about it then you e probably saved yourself a whole load of heart ache later on down the line.
This friendship doesn't sound very healthy tbh. Hope you can find the strength to back away from her.
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