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To cut contact?

(10 Posts)
ishopthereforeiam Mon 18-Jan-16 01:38:36

Long story short, my parents are far from reliable.

My dad used to beat my mum (from when I was born until I was 18-20, I'm now 36).

My mum emotionally abused myself and sisters (nothing I ever did was good enough, hurled abuse when I got married to the point I had to cut contact for two years), almost killed my daughter (my mum is so self obsessed she was on the phone moaning about her problems and gave my allergic daughter peanut crisis).

My mum has to control everything. If we go to a restaurant she orders food for everyone, its only when I was married and was with my in laws I realised it wasn't normal. She gets jealous if anyone in the nuclear family gets on without her involved. She and I lost touch for 2 years after I got married because she was vile (wished leprosy on my unborn children ffs), she then made friends with me and outcast the middle sister for a few years.

I tread on eggshells and can't express my true feelings. She's now making friends with my middle sister and I expressed that I didn't want me to be discussed, not one person (dad, youngest sister or "mum") have called to ask if / why I'm upset. Whenever any of them have the hump with each other (frequently!) I'm the peace maker / shoulde to cry on.

Aibu? Sorry long post

saoirse31 Mon 18-Jan-16 01:46:09

She sounds awful but what's the issue with ur middle sister?

steff13 Mon 18-Jan-16 01:47:38

You didn't want your middle sister to discuss you with your mother, but you expected your mother, father, or younger sister to call you and ask what was wrong? Do I have that right?

ishopthereforeiam Mon 18-Jan-16 01:57:14

I got on really well with my two younger sisters until I got married, then I lost touch with them as my mum wouldn't let them (and they chose not to) stay in touch. They lived at home and she is controlling so I understood their standpoint. But once I made up with mum there was still a little distance with the youngest sister. Middle sister was off the scale, so much damage never repaired. I did try a few times but the middle sister wasn't interested (when she was ex communicated by mum!).

Recently middle sister is back in the picture. I'm upset because I've reAched out to the middle sister for my parents to try and make them friends again (failed!) but now they're all friendly as soon as I mention some concerns I'm ignored and cast out (deleted off Facebook etc).

I'm also v upset as the youngest sister said she hD to cut ties with me before because of mum, but when mum was angry with the middle sister - the two sisters remain friends. Using nicknames for e/o and visiting e/o on holidays

Sorry it's confusing - it's been going on years.

Baconyum Mon 18-Jan-16 07:56:22

Would recommend you pop over to stately homes thread.

ChubbyChubster Mon 18-Jan-16 08:14:27

Do you get any positives out of having these people in your life?

ywnbu to cut contact if all they do is cause you problems x

TheCatsMeow Mon 18-Jan-16 08:21:58

They sound like a nightmare and like my ex PIL (and ex himself) who I'm NC with for sake of DS. I would cut contact

ishopthereforeiam Mon 18-Jan-16 11:12:23

Thanks everyone.

I need to be firm and stick to my guns. I've had to go NC before to protect myself, then when they've needed me (having problems with middle sister or each other) I've come back into the picture.

I've not heard of the stately homes thread, will check it out.


liz70 Mon 18-Jan-16 13:29:48

Christ on a bike. I'd be leaving the bloody lot of them to it. I hope your DH's family is better (they surely can't be any worse).

ishopthereforeiam Mon 18-Jan-16 18:21:44

Thanks Liz70. I've just ordered a couple of books about toxic parents / narcissists - I'm not usually into self help type books but thought they'll be worth a read.

Dh's dad is a liability. Sadly he's an alcoholic and when he has a drink becomes very aggressive and sent me abusive text messages while dh was abroad for work. The messages were unprovoked but basically he took offence because I referred to sil (his dd) and her husband by their married surname (but he didn't like it as he's Muslim (not that practising - alcoholic) and the surname was pork related) his messages to me can be summed up as "you're lucky to have us as in laws, even your own mother doesn't care for you" as he knew we had been out of contact (after I got married my mum went to fil and mil house and told them if had bfs before sad been engaged but it was broken off).


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