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In thinking that i cannot ignore my brother calling my 4yr old ds a prick?

(135 Posts)
AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:18:13

Will try to be brief but I've been a combination of livid, tearful, disappointed, hurt for hours now and i cannot get to sleep!

So usual sunday dinner at parents, my brother is very early twenties and usually lovely!

My 4yr old ds is also lovely but can get over-excited, get a bit OTT and on occasion is spirited, stubborn argumentative. Usual 4yr old stuff which is usually managed by removal of toys/tablet/activity etc.

My ds and my bro have a good relationship and there is a lot of banter between them i suppose...play-fighting, tickling, calling each other funny/silly names in jest.

This happened today as normal, but when me and ds were getting into brothers car to get a ride home, my brother very suddenly took offence to being called a silly name. My ds had a little bag of sweeties that his gran had given to him and in anger my brother snatched it away and was winding ds up, who was crying about his sweeties at this point.

My ds was screaming and crying and i tried to just get him in the car/calm him down. I also told my brother then to stop because its winding him up etc. As ds went to get in the car he shoved my brother and my brother then yanked off ds' woolly hat from behind and called him a prick.

G'parents had come out to the drive by this point and my mum just got my brother inside, while he yelled about my parenting skills and called me a cunt. My mum closed the front door and so i just left with ds.

My mum texted me later to check if we got home ok and said 'i dont know why you didnt let me give you a lift home". I replied that i was trying to get my ds as far away as poss from the bully! She hasnt responded and i suppose will take my brothers side as usual.

Am i wrong to be upset about this? They seem to be ignoring the whole thing and im just so upset. How can you call 4yr old a prick?! I get that my ds can get a bit carried away...but if the banter is fine with you at 2pm, then why be offended at 7pm?!

UmbongoUnchained Mon 18-Jan-16 00:22:26

How old is your brother?

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:23:14

Early twenties...

whatdoIget Mon 18-Jan-16 00:24:56

Sounds like your brother's projecting his own prickness onto ds! And he also called you a cunt? Nice. I can't imagine my brother calling me a cunt. It's definitely not you

SpendSpendSpend Mon 18-Jan-16 00:29:16

Wow

I think the teasing relationship between your brother and son needs to change as your brother is obviously taking the teasing comments from a 4 year old to heart.

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:30:23

Yes Im also stunned at being called a cunt by someone that I expected more from. He was extremely aggressive and i wouldnt dream of using such language towards a family member. There is no way im going there again, unless there is a genuine apology. Im just in shock still, cried for hours and feeling frustrated with parents as they didnt back me up at all!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Mon 18-Jan-16 00:31:31

He's an ill-tempered and foul-mouthed lout. I'd be keeping his pernicious influence away from my child in future. He called a four year old a prick. There is so much wrong with this, never mind calling you the C word in front of him as well. Next thing you know at nursery......

arethereanyleftatall Mon 18-Jan-16 00:34:44

This seems rather odd if there's not a back story/more to it than 'usual 4 year old stuff'.
The c word is not a word I have ever heard anyone say out loud, you just don't call someone that.

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:34:58

Yes i get that Spend, but surely being an adult he should speak to my ds if he no longer likes the teasing...or speak to me so i can talk with my son. He has never said anything and they just seem to muck about. I discipline my son but when they have the usual banter i dont, because my brother is always laughing and its been like this for ages.

SnuffleGruntSnorter Mon 18-Jan-16 00:35:18

Your brother needs to remember he's an adult.

flowers OP.

knobblyknee Mon 18-Jan-16 00:37:29

I'm getting deja vu, did you post this recently?

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:38:37

I raised my voice when he called ds a prick and told him that it was a disgusting thing to say, very immature etc. I did not bad-mouth my brother...its not my style. He then called me a cunt and was getting in my face a bit, my mum ushered him inside.

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:39:29

No i havent posted this ever. This is the first time my son has ever been called a prick....

steff13 Mon 18-Jan-16 00:40:15

I'm getting deja vu, did you post this recently?

There was as similar post recently, but the child in question was a little girl, I think, and she was wound up because it was Christmas.

TheHouseOnTheLane Mon 18-Jan-16 00:43:44

I have a wanker for a brother OP. I've gone no contact with him. I'm 43 and he's 50...it's taken me about 20 years but I advise you to do the same. I wouldn't have that.

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:49:41

Its quite out of character, but maybe this is how he truly feels about us! I bet he's fast alseep now not giving it a second thought, whereas Im up and still going through the events, wondering what we did to deserve it. My ds was crying all the way home, he idolises his uncle and was asking me why he had been shouting at him sad

diggerdigsdogs Mon 18-Jan-16 00:59:48

Tbh I wouldn't stay in contact with some one who called me a cunt in front of my child.

If your dh called you a cunt in front of the dc you'd be told to LTB. Ditto if he called your child a prick.

It's nasty. It's unkind. It models horrible behaviour and relationships.

Gruntfuttock Mon 18-Jan-16 01:00:26

I'm so confused. You said you were "getting into brothers car to get a ride home", but then your mother came out and your mum just got your brother inside. Later you were home and your mother texted to ask why you didn't let her give you a lift home. So how did you get home?

WilLiAmHerschel Mon 18-Jan-16 01:05:36

Your poor ds. sad

That is not on at all and your brother should apologise to both of you. If it really is out of character than I imagine he will say sorry and that it won't happen again. If he doesn't than he isn't someone I'd want in my child's life sadly.

WilLiAmHerschel Mon 18-Jan-16 01:08:23

Op could have walked home or got a bus.

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 01:21:47

I got the train and bus home. I just wanted to get away from there and my mum just went inside without saying anything, so i wasnt sure what was happening to be honest.

I think unless there is a genuine apology i wont be seeing him again. I had hoped my brother would be a positive influence on ds (his father hasnt seen him for 3yrs), but looks like that hope was misplaced. Just gutted for ds that he was treated like that and saw me being abused as well. Just not on...

PiperChapstick Mon 18-Jan-16 01:25:51

shock

Your adult brother got upset by what a 4yo called him?! Then called you both prick/cunt? Nasty nasty piece of work! And shame on your parents for trying to stick up for him. Do they always pander to him?

MistressDeeCee Mon 18-Jan-16 01:26:31

Id cut ties with him. What he called you shows he has absolutely no respect for women, what he called your DS shows he has no boundaries. Brother or not, he'd be out of my orbit completely. He has massively insulted both you and your son, so unkind.

PiperChapstick Mon 18-Jan-16 01:29:14

I've just seen they let you make your own way home. With a 4yo. In the freezing cold. Seriously that's bad what a total shower of bastards especially your brother. No way would I be letting someone who said those things near my kids.

Hope you're ok OP flowers

AfroPuffs Mon 18-Jan-16 01:36:19

Yes and it was something silly like "fartypants" or similar which they were calling each other today. It was absolutely hilarious to my brother earlier in the day but when my ds said it again at home time he had changed his mind hmm

My dad pretty much said/did nothing and went back inside as soon as he realised there was an argument happening. They heard him and did not back me up/back ds up/challenge bro re language.

No doubt mum will call me tomorrow and somehow i will be made out as the bad guy and asked to apologise/make amends. They usually moan about ds being naughty/unruly, which he can be...but i dont smack etc like they used to, so apparently that makes me "soft" and my child isnt disciplined properly according to their rules.

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