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To feel this was a reasonable punishment for DS 16?

(115 Posts)
needastrongone Sun 17-Jan-16 18:34:48

Here is what happened.

DS and his mates, usually a good, solid, sensible bunch of lads went out today to mess about in the snow. I am not sure how many of his mates were there, as I was out, and which exactly of his mates were involved as he refuses to say and grass folk up.

Anyway, they saw fit to run into someone's front garden and kick over the snowmen that the kids had made. To put absolutely correct, DS and 2 other mates stood on the drive and laughed and did not do the kicking, but I see no difference as he was involved and did not try to stop the action.

We live in a village, god knows how they thought they would get away with it. Anyway, I've found out. I'm pissed off that he thought it was ok to trespass and destroy someone elses property and upset some kids. I've told him this, but haven't ranted and raved.

He has been round to the house and apologised to the family in question for his part. He's also had his gadgets confiscated for the week. The two other parents who had DS's that stood and watched have done exactly the same, although this is coincidence, not something we agreed. I don't know about the other parents, I am not sure who else was involved.

Do you guys think this is reasonable? He's a generally good, solid kid, I promise!

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster Sun 17-Jan-16 18:37:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KP86 Sun 17-Jan-16 18:38:04

Sounds reasonable to me. The humiliation of having to front up and apologise will be character building, and if he really is a good kid, he won't do it again!

Waffles80 Sun 17-Jan-16 18:40:35

Make him read the Duffy poem Stealing.

unless it'll give him more ideas

Punishment sounds spot on.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 17-Jan-16 18:43:38

Oh i do doubt he is good solid kid. He just felt he had to follow the crowd, and sadly. He's not the first and nor will he be the last.
I think his punishment is Very reasonable. You see you're the type of parent that I wouldn't blame as you instill discipline and punish unwanted behavior.
There are a lot of parents out there who don't GAF.

73dexter Sun 17-Jan-16 18:46:33

Seems reasonable to me. It was a shitty thing to do.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Sun 17-Jan-16 18:47:16

think that is great as it could have caused massive distress to the children concerned. (depending on age and disability) though I am possibly a little biased as ds dropped his snowman and he wailed and wailed and wailed . and there was fuck all I could do to make it better.

rosewithoutthorns Sun 17-Jan-16 18:50:56

What he did was mean OP. That is never a good trait in a person. Not sure taking stuff off him will help. A lesson in compassion would be better.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster Sun 17-Jan-16 18:53:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Throwingshade Sun 17-Jan-16 18:55:23

Look, they got carried away, one kid got ahead of himself, showed off, the others laughed like teenagers do.

Of course it would upset the kids that built the snowman and of course they should all be punished - no more than you've implemented which seems proportionate - but let's all remember what is was like being a teenager and thinking everything was hilarious and trying to make your friends laugh.

<cue an onslaught of pearl clutching and accusations of how awful myself and my kids must be>

FuckyNell Sun 17-Jan-16 18:55:42

The apology would have been enough for me.

lostinmiddlemarch Sun 17-Jan-16 18:55:48

Yes, I think that's about right. I would also have him buy the children in the house a toy each out of his own money, making sure it cost the week's allowance.

wickedwaterwitch Sun 17-Jan-16 18:57:23

I wouldn't have taken gadgets away but I think a telling off and making him apologise was the right thing to do.

needastrongone Sun 17-Jan-16 18:57:23

Thanks for the replies. I am not defending him at all, and hoping that the action I have taken so far will show that I am disappointed in him. I am glad the consensus is that is was reasonable.

He really isn't a mean kid, I must defend him in that regard, although his behaviour was today. I am sad he felt he couldn't walk away from the crowd, but he isn't mean in character. Thoughtless yes, totally at times, but not mean. His behaviour, at standing and watching made me sad.

And I do remember how excited they were to make snowmen (my DC), I suspect he's forgotten that in his teenage form smile

ComposHatComesBack Sun 17-Jan-16 18:58:04

Make him read the Duffy poem Stealing.
Make him read a Carol Ann Duffy poem? Good grief have you no humanity? He's kicked over a snowman, not killed someone.

CakeNinja Sun 17-Jan-16 18:58:21

Exactly what IAmPissedOff said, taking gadgets off him is probably futile now at that age (you probably know better but I know my nephews and nieces of the same age would easily be able to borrow a spare tablet/phone/console without letting on), he's nearly an adult.

Anyway, you definitely needed to take some action as that sort of behaviour is horrible and nasty and should be stamped out as quick as possible.
And yes, I do believe that he's generally a good kid who probably got carried away and did something stupid. who can say they haven't done the same?

Throwingshade Sun 17-Jan-16 18:58:46

In fact I would have just asked him to apologise thinking about it.

Throwingshade Sun 17-Jan-16 18:58:55

Crossed posts!

admission Sun 17-Jan-16 18:59:06

Done, dusted, finished with and time to move on. Made a mistake and has taken the punishment, so it ends there.

needastrongone Sun 17-Jan-16 18:59:58

Sorry, some cross posts. I know, this is what I am trying reconcile. He's hardly a gangster. He doesn't drink or do drugs. He's home when I ask and works hard at school. He's been a prat today though.

needastrongone Sun 17-Jan-16 19:01:56

Oh it will end here. We all move on from stuff in this house. We all let stuff go.

rosewithoutthorns Sun 17-Jan-16 19:02:13

He did something really mean though. So I would have a chat about he might feel if it was done to him etc. rather than dish out punishments that don't actually tackle the deed.

rosewithoutthorns Sun 17-Jan-16 19:03:35

Sounds like he has a bit for form for doing nasty things.

rosewithoutthorns Sun 17-Jan-16 19:03:47


lostinmiddlemarch Sun 17-Jan-16 19:03:57

Hmmm...when you wrong someone, you have to make it up to them. What about the children? He could very well shell out for a toy.

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