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I'm a bit upset after calling the police for 'a domestic'

(53 Posts)
SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Sun 17-Jan-16 12:55:52

Last night I was woken up by screaming, initially I ignored it but look at the window when it restarted. A man and a woman were fighting, a child was in the front seat, maybe six months and the woman was trying to get the child out before the man drive off. Over quick and I returned to bed.

Then a few min later it started up again but he was massively aggressive, had her by the hair and was trying to force her in the back seat whilst the baby screamed. Beyond a row but proper lost it swearing. She ran off, he drove off. With the child in mind I called the police and gave them direction and car reg. unbelievably whilst on the phone she'd doubled back up an alley and he appeared again, he parked across pavement at speed but although I couldn't see behind neighbours hedge she was howling in terror and it sounded like he was being physical.

The police came and she tore up the road, at first he was swearing at them too but calmed a fair bit. She crept back up (I guess as the child was still there) police were chatting with him like it was fine whilst she stood six foot away.

They then called me about what i had witnessed and said "it's only a domestic" and even in a mocking tone "you can go back to bed now, no need to keep looking out the window" I wasn't even bloody looking out by then as I'd huddled back under the duvet once i had seen police were safely with all of them. They were all relaxed with him, chatting and told me she wasn't saying he'd done anything... Whilst other police were passing the day with him opposite! I didn't watch to see the outcome but it was clear she was being a silly female.

Now really, am I in a parallel universe or would anybody have called the police in those circumstances??? She'd sounded terrified and he had her baby in the car! The police did tell me he was just trying to take her home with his daughter... By the hair?? Whilst manhandling hitting and calling her a ducking whore.

I'm still livid this morning, I wish dh had called as I was also clearly another fussy female to them. I probably in most peoples eyes should have called police the first time I saw them fighting, but we get so much on the main road here I have got a bit immune at times.

witsender Sun 17-Jan-16 12:57:18

Yuck. I would make a complaint.

ilovesooty Sun 17-Jan-16 12:58:51

I'd make a complaint too.

Mumberjack Sun 17-Jan-16 13:00:14

Complain. Disgusting and frightening behaviour. That poor family

LaurieFairyCake Sun 17-Jan-16 13:00:16

I would also complain. And I would call SS.

Cel982 Sun 17-Jan-16 13:00:54

Ugh, how depressing. I would be upset too, and furious, that IPV is still being normalised to that extent, and by the police of all people. YANBU at all.

Madelinehatter Sun 17-Jan-16 13:03:12

Police are now trained in domestic abuse issues. They should never say 'just a domestic.' Things HAVE improved a bit but your post shows just how fat there is still to go.

They will have a DA policy and guidelines. Find out what they are and complain. Mathew are clearly not following their guidelines.

Madelinehatter Sun 17-Jan-16 13:03:36

They not Matthew FFS

VashtaNerada Sun 17-Jan-16 13:03:53

Were they uniformed police officers? Sounds like they were woefully lacking in training on domestic abuse. Would be interesting to know how they wrote that one up, if they've done it properly it should have gone over to detectives to investigate.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 17-Jan-16 13:04:34

Which police force called you back whilst they were still 'on scene' to tell you all that??

choirmumoftwo Sun 17-Jan-16 13:04:37

I was in an abusive relationship in a previous life and once called the police when ex was chasing me round the house with a carving knife. Their response when they came? Could I go and stay with friends (i.e. leave my home) until he calmed down! Unbelievable! I would hope things had changed in the last 20 years but perhaps not. YANBU.

Samaritan1 Sun 17-Jan-16 13:05:31

I can't believe the police don't understand that the fact that she obviously backed him up means nothing. Abused women often protect their abusers.

They should have taken a full statement from you and spoke to her alone.

lozster Sun 17-Jan-16 13:06:37

You did the right thing. Also, witnessing incidents like this is distressing in its own right.

For what it's worth, I witnessed a less serious incident outside my window and dithered. It was two foreign students (hall of residence was up the road)- he was stepping in front of her and demanding she come back with him. She was trying to get to the bus stop. When he physically held her back a neighbour went out and spoke only to her not him. She asked her if she needed help, was she ok and offered for her to come to her house any time she needed help. The bloke let her go and she got on the bus. I thought my neighbour handled it really well, way better than I would have.

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 17-Jan-16 13:06:53


Cleensheetsandbedding Sun 17-Jan-16 13:07:11

Thank god for people like you.

what ever is going on in that relationship you did the right thing.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Sun 17-Jan-16 13:07:32

First a unmarked car pulled up, closely followed by a man.

The person who called was an officer outside as they asked " are you the house with xxx outside", no idea whether in uniform or not as not looking by then. I've had them call back from the street before after a call following a burgalry I saw to verify info.

ilovesooty Sun 17-Jan-16 13:07:49

In fact if that happened where I live I'd want to talk to the MARAC team.

Ledkr Sun 17-Jan-16 13:07:51

Please report it. It sounds as if they knew him (another copper maybe?)
I am a SW and dh is a copper abd I can assure you they handled this wrong abd have a duty to report this incident to the correct department as a child was invokved.
Please raise this with the duty Inspector, that poor baby might be living with this every day of his life.

YouBastardSockBalls Sun 17-Jan-16 13:08:05

You need to complain.

SexDrugsAndSausageRoll Sun 17-Jan-16 13:08:57

Van, not man

StereophonicallyChallenged Sun 17-Jan-16 13:11:03

I've only ever seen the police being brilliant and not down-playing domestic violence. Only time I've heard different (and it could also explain the weird follow up with OP) was when the fucking arsehole in question was also a policeman. angry Could this be the case here?

mrsfuzzy Sun 17-Jan-16 13:12:47

no wonder so much stuff goes unreported if that's how you get spoken to, make a complaint, re; public relations training for one.

Mouthfulofquiz Sun 17-Jan-16 13:13:31

You definitely did the right thing.
I would also make a complaint.
I rescued a young girl into my house once when she had been punched by a man just outside my front door (he had run away by that point). I was rather hmm when she said that nothing really happened when the police rushed round to take a statement, but they never once said to me that it was 'just a domestic'. The police were very kind, and thanked me for looking out for her. It's scary when this stuff happens outside your window, so you should absolutely report it for their sake, the kid's sake, and your own!

Kelsoooo Sun 17-Jan-16 13:16:55

I called the police when I was a victim of DV in my own home. The police that attended were amazing. They took him away, sat and talked with me, took my statement and reassured me.

The desk seargent on the other hand.

Called me later, about 4 hours, to tell me they were releasing him with a caution. And to give me the advice that "you shouldn't drink, people always fight when they're drinking" (neither of us had had a drop of alcohol in about a month!) and went on to say "just walk away, don't argue back"....the 999 operator could hear him screaming at me and blocking my way ....

I wish I'd had the sense to report the desk sergeant then!

Pipistrella Sun 17-Jan-16 13:22:25

I would call the NSPCC and tell them exactly what you have told us. They can find out who these people are with their car registration number. Even if the police weren't concerned, the NSPCC will be.

I know people often say bypass them and go direct to SS but the fact is a lot of people don't know the number for social services in their area. Everyone can find out the NSPCC number. They will pass on the info anyway.

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