Advanced search

To not want to date this guy?

(223 Posts)
Destinysdaughter Sat 16-Jan-16 22:11:19

I had a blind date tonight with a guy who seemed really nice online and he turned up to the pub and he was in a wheelchair! He hadn't mentioned his disability before so I was a bit taken aback by it. He was nice but don't think I want to date someone in a wheelchair. Does that make me a v shallow person? He broke his back in a motorbike accident when he was 30, is 50 now. He was nice company but I do feel annoyed that he didn't mention this at all before we met. I feel bad about not wanting to meet him again, I'd be happy to see him again as a friend but as sex would be impossible, I don't see it being a relationship. What would you do?

Bombaybunty Sat 16-Jan-16 22:14:19

He could do a lot better.

QOD Sat 16-Jan-16 22:15:35

Difficult one

If you like him, you may regret not dating him
wheelchair doesn't = no sex btw. If you WANTED to there are ways if he still has functions. But ya know, you're gonna get ripped apart here

VimFuego101 Sat 16-Jan-16 22:16:20

I think I would have preferred to have known beforehand so I didn't put my foot in it and make a stupid comment, but why would you assume sex is impossible? And is a wheelchair really that big a deal?

MistressDeeCee Sat 16-Jan-16 22:16:23

Yes I think he should have mentioned it. Equally you are perfectly entitled not to see him again as he isn't what you expected. Im not entirely sure why you are asking the question, however; its because he has a disability I assume? That being the case its still your choice whether to date a man or not. Then again the "sex would be impossible" part is plain ignorant depending how you look at it..Im not going down that route tho! Save to say Im sceptical about this being a post about a real situation are you after shock value

Bean89 Sat 16-Jan-16 22:16:24

If you don't see yourself in a relationship with him, don't go out with him. It's not hard and I don't see why you would need to consult the Internet over that.

RavioliOnToast Sat 16-Jan-16 22:16:30

I think you're doing him a favour.

ghostyslovesheep Sat 16-Jan-16 22:17:15

Exactly what Bean said - if you don't want to don't - no need to try and whip up some outrage

Destinysdaughter Sat 16-Jan-16 22:18:15

It is a real situation. I just wanted a second opinion as I feel bad about it.

elQuintoConyo Sat 16-Jan-16 22:18:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

wannaBe Sat 16-Jan-16 22:18:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user7755 Sat 16-Jan-16 22:19:13

Agree Bombay.

How do you know sex wouldn't be possible?

UmbongoUnchained Sat 16-Jan-16 22:19:22

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a disabled person. It's your choice.

WorraLiberty Sat 16-Jan-16 22:19:51

I just find this very difficult to believe.

I'm not saying you're lying btw, just that I find it difficult.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sat 16-Jan-16 22:20:17

I'd be happy to see him again as a friend but as sex would be impossible

Obviously he told you this on the date? hmm

Zorigami Sat 16-Jan-16 22:22:24

My neighbour is in a wheelchair from motorbike accident. He got married couple years ago and fathered a child. Sex isn't impossible. You need to be honest and ask if it's the wheelchair and attendant relationship differences that put you off.

Supermanspants Sat 16-Jan-16 22:22:32

YANBU for feeling annoyed. If you don't want to date him then don't date him. Surprising he didn't mention his disability but perhaps he was tired of knock backs before even getting the chance to meet someone in person first. You could argue that those who lie about their age/height etc also have the same reasons for doing so. Did he tell you that he couldn't have sex? Being in a wheelchair does not alway mean lack of a sex life.
There are any number of reasons why someone might not want to date someone. There will be a few (already are) who will give you a shitty time about it so be ready for that.

AlwaysHopeful1 Sat 16-Jan-16 22:22:49

You are perfectly reasonable to not want to date him, but why start a thread about it when you know it will offend people? Good on him not feeling that he needs to 'disclose' this beforehand, he shouldn't have to.

wannaBe Sat 16-Jan-16 22:22:52

But just for reference, the reason why many disabled people don't declare their disabilities up front is because as soon as they do many people with whom they until then had been getting on perfectly well with disappear back into their prejudiced little bubbles.

Destinysdaughter Sat 16-Jan-16 22:23:28

FFS this is a real situation! Why are you assuming I'm a bloody troll? You can check my posting history.

For more context, we met on Fabswingers which is a hook up site,he has quite a few ' verifications' and none of them mentioned his disability.

Toffeelatteplease Sat 16-Jan-16 22:24:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bean89 Sat 16-Jan-16 22:24:44

So he probably can have sex then?

Destinysdaughter Sat 16-Jan-16 22:25:14

He's broken his back in a motorbike accident so I don't think he's able to have full sex as he can't use his legs.

Supermanspants Sat 16-Jan-16 22:25:26

Really? You don't think this is something significant enough to tell someone that you might be meeting for a date?

Toffeelatteplease Sat 16-Jan-16 22:25:41

Do you mention you have two fully functioning legs on your profile?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: