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'Crime' and punishments

(82 Posts)
GloGirl Sat 16-Jan-16 11:57:51

Anyone leaving public toilets in a state should have one tooth painlessly removed. Starting with a top front one. So everyone will know who the dirty fuckers are. No false teeth allowed.

Anyone driving a huge fucking 4x4 without the ability of dipping headlights so you don't blind cars 3 miles in front of you will only be allowed to drive in daylight. Between the hours of 10am-11am.

Anyone driving a very nice car who is unable to hug curbs on country road to savr your car bring scratched by hedgerow should only be allowed to drive a bicycle. A slim one. All that power steering and road handling and intellegent systems and they can't drive in lane angry

wasonthelist Sat 16-Jan-16 12:01:44

People who illegally rearrange their number plates should have to drive rohnd with plates that say wanker instead.

TheWordOfBagheera Sat 16-Jan-16 12:02:56

The dipping headlights, whilst awful to be dazzled, could be down to forgrtting occaionally.

Leaving toilets in a state is so grim and I have no understanding about how it happens. What do people do in there other than sit on the toilet, put some paper down, flush, leave?! Even if you wee on the seat a bit due to hovering/being a toddler it takes two seconds to wipe it down (and that's at the mild end of the messy toilets spectrum anyway).

knobblyknee Sat 16-Jan-16 12:04:24

Anyone who walks their dog and doesnt scoop should have to wear a plastic dog turd on a chain aound their neck.

liz70 Sat 16-Jan-16 12:07:08

"plastic dog turd"

Why plastic?

TheWordOfBagheera Sat 16-Jan-16 12:07:32

People who don't clear up dog poo should be made to... umm I can't think of anything awful enough...perhaps eat it?! Or pick up all the poo in a two mile radius with their bare hands?

SomebodySedateMe Sat 16-Jan-16 12:08:19

knobbly why plastic? That's not enough of a deterrent.

Anyone who ignores the atrocious behaviour of their pfb in nice cafes/restaurants should only be allowed to dine in soft play areas from now on.

TheWordOfBagheera Sat 16-Jan-16 12:08:21

Ha ha cross post knobblyknee grin. Yours is much more tame!

Katedotness1963 Sat 16-Jan-16 12:42:30

Dog owners, who keep their dogs on the pavement forcing you to step off into mud and puddles to pass them, should have to walk their dogs barefoot.

BeyondCBA Sat 16-Jan-16 12:46:41

People who park in disabled spaces should have both legs broken and be banned from painkillers while they recover. Too harsh?

DoingTheBestICan Sat 16-Jan-16 12:50:20

People who leave their shopping trolley next to the car parked next to them and not in the trolley parks should be made to do their shopping wearing a big sign saying I AM A TWAT and they should be banned from using trolleys ever again.

People who leave half a sheet of loo roll clinging to the cardboard tube, so they don't have to put a new one on, because they haven't finished the old one, should get just one sheet per loo visit, for a week.

People who don't indicate, when driving, should not be allowed to turn either right or left, so they can only go anywhere if there is a road that goes in a straight line from where they are.

PageStillNotFound404 Sat 16-Jan-16 12:54:39

People who drive with their fog lights on when there's a brief wisp of mist should have to walk round with an anglepoise lamp strapped to their head shining in their eyes.

People who let their cats shit in their neighbours' gardens without offering to clean it up should be made to sleep on a mattress of cat shit (and I say that as a cat owner). And yes I know the law blah blah thank you, but there's a moral element to not being a twattish neighbour as well as a legal one.

vladthedisorganised Sat 16-Jan-16 12:57:20

I like your idea, Somebody!

Anyone catcalling at strangers has to wear a day-glo pink flowery swimming hat covered in plastic daisies for a week. Time is increased if they remove the hat and can be reduced slightly if they exercise in public themselves, but they have to wear the swimming hat while they do it - or they get another week wearing the hat.

That ought to reduce some of the 'fat arse'/ 'run Forrest run!' comments I've been getting..

Page - I would add to yours - people who drive around in really poor visibility, without so much as their sidelights on, should have to spend an hour on the Dodgems, blindfolded.

PoppieD Sat 16-Jan-16 15:14:41

Similar to Katedot groups who stroll/charge along the pavement refusing to walk any less than 4 abreast forcing others to step into road, get mooshed into a bush/wall as they pass. They should be made to walk in a two by two crocodile like a school trip!

purplehazed Sat 16-Jan-16 15:57:41

Young men who wear jeans hanging down exposing their underwear should be forced to wear braces to hoist them up.

GloGirl Sat 16-Jan-16 16:37:19

People that spit on the floor should be made to west grey jumpsuits. No coats.

GloGirl Sat 16-Jan-16 16:39:34

To wear, not West. ..

agapimou Sat 16-Jan-16 16:44:34

People that offer unwanted advice about your child should be forced to babysit said child for free. Forever.

GloGirl Sat 16-Jan-16 16:50:00

Anyone who let's their dogs poo on someone else's private property and does not clean it up, and apologise if possible, should be made to eat it.

GloGirl Sat 16-Jan-16 16:53:00

Ha! Aga I love that one.

Just thought of another, anyone who runs over a cat in a residential area and doesn't stop to help will be given a lifetime ban of ever owning pets. Or children. Effective immidately. And their cars takem away. Fuckers.

pocketsaviour Sat 16-Jan-16 16:54:51

People who park in disabled spaces should have both legs broken and be banned from painkillers while they recover.

Bit harsh on the disabled grin

People who re-shelve books in a library or bookshop in the wrong alphabetical order should be made to read the entire 50 Shades shite twice a week, for a year. Penalty to be doubled for those utter bastards who put a book back upside down <twitch>

redexpat Sat 16-Jan-16 16:56:32

People who put used matches back in the matchbox should have to pick them out with their teeth. That includes you DH.

cleaty Sat 16-Jan-16 17:01:59

AIBU should legally judge all instances of anti social behaviour, and decide the punishment.

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