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Aibu to be devastated after committing an unintentional crime.

(153 Posts)
devastatedcriminal999 Fri 15-Jan-16 23:01:42

I had a really long week with dc's winter vomiting bug. stuck in the house all week the 1st ds 10months to start vomiting Monday was better now and also bored and frustrated. DH working long hours all week. It was my winter week off work.
DH arrived in from work and said why don't you and youngest ds take time out. We wrapped up warm and went for a walk we live in a very built up area. I decided to get myself a new top and live almost opposite the shopping centre. I said id pop over quickly treat myself to a top or two. I had no makeup on but was still dressed well not sure if that its even relevant
I went into Debenhams had a trail through their sale rails to see if there was any late bargains. I picked up various tops in my size and sale stuff was organised in sizes. I went through them decided on 3 nothing special. I went to the till paid for my items and left.
I went into the shop next door and was buying some vests for dc's. When I went to get my handbag I seen there was one tops still on hanger unpaid for on the handle of the buggy. I paid for the vests and returned to Debenhams immediately. I was at least 50 feet into the shop and I stopped to look for a member of staff to explain. A plain clothes security guard approached me pulled the top from the buggy, it was not hidden the top was in clear view I was afraid to touch it until I got to the shop. I said I am really sorry I left this top on the back of the buggy. He insisted I head to the back offices with him. I tried to protest then he said that he was entitled to use reasonable force if i did not return to discuss the matter. (I know I did leave the shop without paying for the item it was a total misunderstanding. When we got to the back office he had a huge security guard there. I was really upset, Ds 10months was really upset. He said he would have to call the guards (Ireland) I had to wait two hours even though I pleaded that I had sick DC at home, I work full time I have never stolen anything in my life etc. He kept saying that is what they all say. I showed him I had money I had cards I did not need to steal, He was so rude and saying yes tell it to the guards insisting I seen him following me and that is why I returned the top, I had only been in a shop 2 doors down and then returned to the store. Finally the guards came. The security guard said I.
I explained what happened. I had even said to the girl in the vests shop and dear I took that by mistake from Debenhams what shall I do. She said just bring it back. In hindsight I should have asked her to call security. (at also explained this at the start to the security).
The Garda turned up watched the cctv, checked my details for any criminal record and the female gard said we can see from the cctv it was unintentional.
Then the male guard said we are issuing you with a caution as you passed the till with an item, I said I did not know I had the item on me.He was very rude and said I can except the caution or get arrested. I just excepted it I was completely defeated and just wanted to get home, 10mins shopping trip turned into 3hours of hell It has really shook me.

MoMoTy Fri 15-Jan-16 23:12:53

Sorry you had to go through that sounds traumatizing. I think from their point of view, so many people give these stories and try to steal they have to prove it rather than taking your word. I once walked out of m&s with a pair of shoes that I forgot I hooked onto my bag. I immediately went back and all was sorted in a few minutes, but I'm forever conscious now about checking my bag before I leave a store.

RaskolnikovsGarret Fri 15-Jan-16 23:13:07

Don't feel devastated OP, you did nothing wrong, and you came back to the shop of your own accord. I'm so sorry that you had such a dreadful time. Just relax now, it's over. flowers

Leelu6 Fri 15-Jan-16 23:17:21

YANBU. That sounds very distressing!

It's very easily done. I was once looking at a white top in a shop. I was wearing white too, and I somehow bundled the top (no hanger) with my white scarf. It set the alarm off. Luckily I dropped the top and left with no security about. I imagine I would have gone through what you went through.

I think you should complain about this caution. Returning the item clearly demonstrates you weren't trying to steal, and cctv proves it.

I would write to the store and the police, complaining about your treatment. It may not have much impact, but you will know you challenged it.

trufflehunterthebadger Fri 15-Jan-16 23:17:43

Only the police can issue a caution. Security guards most definitely cannot. They were giving you a load of flannel (i am in the police)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 15-Jan-16 23:18:25

If you'd not gone back in the shop it wouldn't have happened so much for all that bull shit. Honesty being the best policy.
Also like to second you did nothing wrong. flowers

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 15-Jan-16 23:20:39

Truffle guards is Irish Police - OP in Ireland

BackforGood Fri 15-Jan-16 23:22:08

I think , tbf to the security guards, that they have done nothing wrong. Yes, a horrible experience for you, but they had to check out all the fact, which they subsequently did. Of course, if they just believed everyone who said "oh it was a mistake, I didn't mean to, I've nver been in trouble before", then everyone would just say that and take what they wanted. Tehy have to be allowed to do what they are paid for. The fact the other security guard was a big chap is neither here nor there.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 15-Jan-16 23:22:34

Change your user name as well, please. You're nothing like a criminal x

HoneyDragon Fri 15-Jan-16 23:22:45

The security guard can't issue a caution and should know this, if you're up to it complain to head office.

HoneyDragon Fri 15-Jan-16 23:23:54

Oh I didn't see the bit about the Garda being called, sorry.

Cel982 Fri 15-Jan-16 23:24:10

Truffle it was the police who issued the caution - Garda is the Irish word for police, and they are often colloquially referred to as 'the guards'.

What a horrible thing to happen OP, I would have been really shaken by it too. You know you didn't do anything wrong, that's the main thing. Try to forget about it, there shouldn't be any further repercussions at all.

sadwidow28 Fri 15-Jan-16 23:25:11

The Garda ARE the police in Ireland so its not a load of flannel.

OP said, The Garda turned up watched the cctv, checked my details for any criminal record

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 15-Jan-16 23:26:03

OP can you complain? If you'd just gone home you'd have had no trouble but footage must show you coming back in with the item. Very harsh you got in trouble for being honest.

squiggleirl Fri 15-Jan-16 23:26:05

Devastated, I feel so sorry for you - that was awful for you.

I was in Easons once with DS1 who was about 3 walking with me. I was picking up various bits and pieces when he decided to have a meltdown. A full on meltdown. I tried to continue my shopping, but decided I had to leave with DS. I caught his hand, and we left, with him screaming, and me stressed to the nines. It was only when I was 100 yards down the street I realised I was still clutching an armful of hardback notebooks, cards, and other bits and pieces.

I was shocked, turned straight around, and went back into the shop. I was met by a lovely security guard at the entrance. He was smiling, and as I was blurting out an explanation, he just said he was wondering how long it'd take me to realise and come back. He said I'd looked really stressed leaving the shop, and that he knew I'd notice and come back. He said Mammies like me always came back. He was so nice. He offered to take me to a till to pay, or he could arrange for a member of staff to put the things back. He was so nice, I started to cry.

There was no need for what happened to you today.

Cocolepew Fri 15-Jan-16 23:26:07

Guards are what the Police are called in Ireland

Cocolepew Fri 15-Jan-16 23:26:34

Oopps xposts

Iwanttokillthem Fri 15-Jan-16 23:31:07

The big man has to protect his ego somehow you know.
He wasnt doing his job so you were able to leave with an item fully visible on your pushchair and only sprung into action when you presented yourself in the shop.
By calling the guards he managed to keep you cowed and probably pleading innocence to him so he can again play the big man by ignoring your pleas and doing his damnedest to make you feel worse. He obviously succeeded -so well done him.

Dont worry at all.Put it behind you if you want but if I was you I would write a complaint to the COEO of the store. He did not have any reason to treat you the way he did.

Chicagomd Fri 15-Jan-16 23:31:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Furiosa Fri 15-Jan-16 23:32:38

Can you write to you MP (or equivalent, sorry not familiar with Ireland) and complain about your treatment?

If this is standard for people making mistakes when shopping I'd think the Garda and their force would be over run with reports of this kind.

MakeItRain Fri 15-Jan-16 23:32:44

I think I would be inclined to complain too. As you've accepted a caution it will be on your record. The fact you spoke to the lady in the second shop and then returned (as was evident on CCTV) makes it pretty clear what happened. You also say the second Garda said it looked unintentional. I would write a simple clear letter to the Garda and ask how you go about complaining about this situation. I really think if you pursued this you'd have a really strong case for getting this revoked.

abbsismyhero Fri 15-Jan-16 23:33:08

seriously? i walked out of a shop with motor oil on the top of the pushchair when i realised i went back to the shop straight to the till and paid for it the till staff said i should have just carried on walking as they didn't even notice!

sounds like an extreme overreaction i would ask to see if it could be quashed but you did accept the caution so you might not have a case

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 15-Jan-16 23:37:26

I agree with other posters about complaining. You've been made to feel like a criminal, and like I said. You're nothing of the sort. All this shit after being honest. I might add,

Iggi999 Fri 15-Jan-16 23:39:42

Are there any future repercussions for having a caution? I do think a bit of legal advice wouldn't go amiss. A major overreaction from the shop and the police.

NoTimeLikeSnowTime Fri 15-Jan-16 23:40:14

Ive done it! Took my two into M&S just before Easter a couple of years ago to get them an Easter egg when they were very little. Manhandling the double buggy and basket is always a bit of a mare so I used to balance things on top of the hood. dS woke up half way round so I hid the Easter eggs under the spray hood a bit to keep it a surprise, did the rest of my shopping and went to leave.
As we got close to the exit DS started shouting 'chocit chocit CHOCIT'. I thought he'd seen all the displays of Easter eggs and was badgering for one, so I was shushing him all the way through the doors. Turned out he meant 'oi mum, what about that chocolate you've stashed in the buggy, shouldn't you be paying for that'grin. I only noticed when I got the buggy back out of the car the next day...

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