DP has three DC from his previous marriage aged 10, 9 and 7. I have an 8 year old from my marriage and together we have a 3 year old and 11 month old. We met six years ago and have been happy. We're engaged and he's pushing to book the wedding but I'm having second thoughts.
His ex is difficult and has regularly stopped or changed contact without consulting DP. DP has been a walkover to be honest both with his ex and with his kids who he fails to parent properly for fear they won't visit if he isn't 'fun dad'. He stopped seeing them for a year two years ago and then sorted it in court with my encouragement. Looking back, I probably pushed him into it. Six months ago it stopped again. He hasn't done anything about it and doesn't intend to 
He says court is a waste of money because his ex will disregard it again but I think the money he proposes we spend on our wedding should be spent on fighting to see his children.
That is my main reservation over him; that he can abandon his children. I think if I left him and made it tricky for him, he'd abandon ours too. Of course I'd like to say I wouldn't do that, but to be honest, I wouldn't trust him with them. He spends far too much time on his phone. Today he had a days annual leave booked and was supposed to be watching the DC while I caught up on washing, cleaning etc after we were all wiped up with a sickness bug last week. There were at least twenty lots of tears from the dc, 5 injuries. I had to take keys, little toys and money off baby that he didn't notice/didn't see a problem with her walking around with. In the past month when he's been watching them I've found baby sitting on the kitchen table, baby playing with a dirty nappy, baby eating cat food, baby purple because she'd opened some paint and swallowed some. He apologises but it really isn't good enough, is it?
He is sex obsessed. He used to be extremely gropey until I made it clear it really wasn't on. Still though, the second I'm not holding a dc or doing something he'll be on me for kisses or cuddles. He sends me messages 6/7 times per day telling me how much he wants me. I feel like dressing down so as to try to avoid his attention. He says things like 'when the dc are older I will have you every night' 
He has to be swatted away often and I have no doubt that he'd leave the dc unsupervised if I was up for sex, or even get up to no good with them around.
Without even going on to the smaller things, would you leave him in this situation? I don't want my children to be fatherless but I feel more resentful and irritated by the day.
AIBU?
to ask if you'd leave him in this situation?
SassySarahSays · 15/01/2016 22:42
Umm, this might sound harsh OP but at least if you leave him he won't bother you or the kids?
I can't imagine living with someone who behaved like that
Why would you fight to impose this neglectful asshole on the children who are much better off without him and whose mother has managed to get away from him? 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Oh dear, he sounds like a dreadful father, those poor kids, and five of them! The older ones are heading into the minefield of teen territory, I expect they will vote with their feet and he will blame their mother, or worse, them .
I think in your position I would be cancelling any wedding plans and making steps to come to terms with being a single parent in every sense of the word; financially, emotionally and with no support from him whatsoever.
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personally your post raises loads of red flags but if its how you choose to live that's up to you but i would not marry him its not true he will leave you alone if you split my ex wont leave me alone his kids he can take or leave and to be honest he uses them to keep contact with me when he dropped the children off the other day he put the youngest in my arms then gave him a kiss goodbye pretty much groping me in the process i could say and do nothing as the kids were RIGHT THERE and my arms were full so i couldn't push him away
i cant wait for him to get a girlfriend hopefully she will be a jealous type and he will leave us alone isn't that an awful thing to wish for
good luck op and remember its ok to make a mistake you really don't have to marry it
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