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To worry about DH returning to work?

(24 Posts)
Junosmum Fri 15-Jan-16 20:21:25

Baby is 2weeks old. DH returns to work on Monday after some leave. I'm dreading it. He'll be out the house for 12hours. Baby is lovely, I adore him. But he will not sleep in his crib at night, he will only sleep if being held. For the last 2 weeks we've managed this between us, each taking a stint of the night. I'm breastfeeding so have to be woken when baby needs feeding anyway.

When DH goes back to work he won't be able to do a stint at night as he gets up at 6, has a long drive and a complex job and is only in his probation period. I don't know how I'm going to cope!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 15-Jan-16 20:24:34

Don't panicsmile.

We've all been there and I still vividly remember dh going back to work when ds3 was 2 weeks leaving me with 3 under 5, I felt just like you.

Your baby is still new and will learn to lie on his own soon enough.

Claireshh Fri 15-Jan-16 20:38:04

I remember this! Honestly you will be fine.

Have you tried a swaddle? This helps the baby to feel cuddled when in the crib.

Another thing that helped wean mine off the need of being held asleep was a motorised swing. I think it hypnotised him to sleep. Brilliant thing. grin

Youknowitmakessense Fri 15-Jan-16 20:42:00

I too remember this, and was in the exact same boat.

If I'm honest, co sleeping and slings means I got some sleep. And I got used to napping anywhere the baby did, in the car ( obviously not driving!), with the buggy wheeled into the house etc.

It's tough and a big adjustment, but I promise this is perfectly normal newborn behaviour flowers

museumum Fri 15-Jan-16 20:45:18

This will possibly be your hardest week but you'll be ok. I remember it well, counting down the minutes till dh got home. Just be sure you get out and about a bit and develop a plan for sleep between you. I used to go to sleep around 8pm and dh dealt with ds till midnight, then he slept 12-6/7 while I did all the night feeds then he cared for ds while getting ready in the morning and I got another hour sleep.
This was despite me bfing. If ds needed a feed on dhs "shift" he stil brought him to me in bed and took him away after.

museumum Fri 15-Jan-16 20:47:06

And if you have an antenatal group arrange to see some of them midweek. I went round to see my friend in her week 3 when I was still pregnant and she did the same for me in my third week.

Lurkedforever1 Fri 15-Jan-16 20:53:45

Yes, Yabu to worry about it. It's not as hard as you think it will be. Women have been successfully coping with babies alone for thousands of years, no reason to worry you'll be the exception

amitha Fri 15-Jan-16 20:59:38

I remember this dread. In the end I actually enjoyed finding my own way, it gave me that invincible feeling- i could look after a tiny baby all by myself (even if i cried in tesco car park cause i couldn't work out how to fold my pram) i could do ANYTHING. Good luck!

BYOSnowman Fri 15-Jan-16 21:01:51

Honestly you will be fine. My second would only sleep being held and dh went away for a week when she was four days old and I had ds too!

I thought it would be a disaster but it actually helped because I had to get her sleeping in her crib and I had to get her fitting into more of a routine.

Sleep wise I started by her falling asleep on me and then rolling her onto the bed but still holding her and gradually reducing the contact between us. If she cried out I would strike her chest with a little pressure and make soothing noises. Then moved towards getting her to fall asleep lying on her back with me cuddling her before she eventually fell asleep without cuddles and then we moved to sleeping on her back and into the crib by the time dh was back.

The mindset I had was that I had nothing to do all day (except for take ds to nursery) than work on getting her into a position where she would sleep without lying on me! I treated it like I would a project at work!!

So I would spend the time dh is around working on a plan of action!

nutbrownhare15 Fri 15-Jan-16 21:09:47

With every passing day it will get a little easier. Feeding lying down and then bedsharing was the solution for me. And in the early days dh took baby for an hour or two in the mornings when he wasn't working. You'll be fine. Treasure those newborn moments as much as you can. Every stage has it's ups and downs. My DD will be 6 months old next week and I well remember that feeling of dread. But we got through it together and now things are pretty ok. Just keep thinking 'baby steps' and don't expect to achieve anything other than to have kept baby fed each day. Anything else is a bonus! flowers

BYOSnowman Fri 15-Jan-16 21:14:13

Also, I didn't do any housework or cooking - I just focussed on baby. Dh cooked (or brought food) and we cleaned at weekend between us (mainly dh to be fair)

Don't pressure yourself to be superwoman!

guineapig1 Fri 15-Jan-16 21:20:29

You will be fine but I remember that horrible feeling when DH went back to work - I wanted to cry! For the next couple of weeks just focus on you and the baby. Ignore cleaning and get DH to sort easy food/get takeaways. Also try to have an hour or so to yourself when DH arrives home for a power nap/shower etc.

PartyintheKitchen Fri 15-Jan-16 21:25:59

shock lurked

Yes, true what you say but we don't all have those thousands pigs years under our belt when we are dealing with a two week old. Cut OP some slack.

PartyintheKitchen Fri 15-Jan-16 21:27:03

Pigs? Bloody phone! Thousands of years.

BYOSnowman Fri 15-Jan-16 21:28:30

The key question is - how many pig years to a human one!

Ringadingdingdong Fri 15-Jan-16 21:36:10

I sat on the sofa crying when DH went back to work. I feel a prat when I think back to it, but it is daunting. I don't think there's many women who haven't felt like you do in this position. But do you know what? It won't be as bad as you think. You'll soon settle into a bit of a routine. Ask for help if you need it anf have parents and friends nearby. Don't worry if you're still in pj's by lunchtime or the washing up etc is done. The newborn phase flys by, I know it's a cliché and everyone says it, but enjoy just sitting and snuggling your new baby.

When you're ready try and get out the house everyday. Even if it's to walk to the local shop.

Have you got a sure start nearby? They have baby groups on several times a week normally.

GinandJag Fri 15-Jan-16 21:38:13

We all cope.

abbsismyhero Fri 15-Jan-16 21:45:57

yanbu to worry everyone worries whether they admit it or not there is always going to be that butt clenching moment what if i really can't cope panic (ive three children and im a single parent i feel like this almost every school morning) it's how you recover from the panic that counts

prep the ass off yourself make your food the day before when dh is there make sure you have enough drinks stashed around the house clean clothing to hand enough nappies etc etc

you will be fine you just have to trust yourself don't worry about the sleeping thing my third wouldn't sleep anywhere but on mommy at one point we had a prince lionheart bear to keep him in his cot (it makes whooshy noises) i carried him everywhere in a sling he still wakes in the early hours and gets in bed with me at age three but he starts the night in his own bed (mostly) and that counts as a win wink

Lurkedforever1 Fri 15-Jan-16 21:46:25

party I'm actually not being harsh. I'm not going to lie and tell op she is right to worry, because it's so hard she will really struggle blah blah blah. Neither have I got any reason to suspect op is less capable of coping than anyone else.

I just didn't see it as being constructive to encourage op to worry about something that isn't as bad as she thinks it will be.

PartyintheKitchen Fri 15-Jan-16 21:59:45

Lurked, gotchya. Think I jumped on that too quickly. It has been a long week.

Snowman, not sure, 7:1?

OP, you'll be alright. It's hard work but you'll find your feet.

Lindy2 Fri 15-Jan-16 22:04:31

I managed by co sleeping rather than battling to get baby in the Moses basket. Both mine would sleep next to me. I only half woke to BF. I know not everyone likes that approach but it worked for me and I was a lot happier when I decided to ditch the basket and stop stressing about it. Both of mine were frequent wakers so it was very tiring.
With my first I enjoyed long lazy mornings in bed cuddling, watching TV and dozing when baby napped. That way I felt fine to do whatever was needed during the afternoon and the next night. DH was frankly useless with the night wakings although he was a bit limited in what he could do by not having boobs!
Over time you'll find an approach that suits you. Each day gets a little easier so take it one step at a time. Try to get out of the house each day though, even if it is just for a little walk.

sarahbanshee Fri 15-Jan-16 22:40:04

My DS was like this - didn't sleep other than when held and upright for the first three months (reflux). It was awfully hard but we did get through.

Very like museumum, we did a shift system where I would go to bed about 8 and DH would keep DS until about midnight. I'd then feed and cuddle and doze through the night and he would get his head down in the spare room until about 6; he'd then take DS until he had to leave for work. He would bring me breakfast in bed as well as hand over DS before he left so I had definitely had a meal (as Velcro babies mean you often miss meals or eat oddly).

We used a wrap sling a lot and DH used to sit in our rocking chair and doze with DS in the sling once he'd got him off with lots of walking and jiggling.

When DS was tiny I used to sit in bed with every pillow we owned behind me so I could feed, cuddle and doze off with him on my chest. Later when I was better at feeding we co slept with him next to me.

A few times in those early weeks I just stayed in bed all day feeding, cuddling and dozing. Other times I needed to get out and I would walk miles with DS in the sling.

There were evenings when I called DH at 5 and sobbed down the phone "when are you coming home, I can't bear it".

But it got better; 6 weeks a little better, 12 weeks much better. We had broken nights for a long time but interrupted sleep rather than no sleep which is much better.

All the best and hang in there. Do what you need to get by and whatever you do, don't let anyone tell you anything stupid about bad habits. DS is now 7 and although still very cuddly he sleeps all night in his own bed in his own room and I am not still bouncing him in a sling nor breastfeeding him to sleep!

Brummiegirl15 Fri 15-Jan-16 22:53:26

I hear you!! My DD was born Christmas Eve 6 wks early (I renember you from pregnancy threads grin ) and my DP also returns to work on Monday

I'm terrified!!!!!

Am scared I'm never going to leave the house ever again

Sleepybeanbump Fri 15-Jan-16 23:25:37

OP flowerscakebrew

I totally sympathise. I have a 3 week old and my DH is going back to work next week. I'm absolutely shitting myself!! We've done quite well so far and have in the past week got to the point of both showering and dressing every morning, getting out for a walk or to the shops every afternoon, and eating at vaguely sensible times. The first 10 days were hell, tbh, and I'm dreading the fact that with only me around during the day, and him less able to help out at night, things are probably going to take a step backward. I don't want to be back in a position where I don't get dressed til 4pm and my hair isn't washed for days on end.

But you know what? Even if it's grim and scary for a while, we WILL get through it, and we'll look back at some point and think bloody hell, I can do anything now!

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