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to feel weird about giving my friend money?

(78 Posts)
Lemond1fficult Fri 15-Jan-16 18:12:22

A friend has recently sent out a crowdfunding request for her professional qualification, and I'm struggling with whether I should contribute (and how much, if so).

On one hand, i've always believed in helping people out where you can. She's done really well in her first degree, but has a lot of bad debt from her youth, so can't get credit. I have every reason to trust that she'll use the money wisely. We're good friends, though I don't see her more than a few times a year.

On the other hand, I've always been raised to think money is poisonous to a friendship, whether that's giving, lending or borrowing. I also feel as if I'm being asked to put a price on our friendship (hence question about how much to give). And I know from experience, financial favours often don't endear you to the recipient.

We both come from similarly poor backgrounds, and put ourselves through uni as mature students. I've just started being well-paid for what I do (think lower income bracket, but healthy), and have some savings so in theory I can afford it. But I do have student debt and elderly parents with no pension, so that's always at the back of my mind.


AliceInUnderpants Fri 15-Jan-16 18:13:45

She wants other people to fund her studying for a degree? Instead of using the one she has?

YANBU. I wouldn't.

lavenderhoney Fri 15-Jan-16 18:17:01

maybe I should have crowd funded my divorce!

Don't if you can't- will you get it back? If you have debt, pay that off first?

You could send her food parcels instead?

ilovesooty Fri 15-Jan-16 18:18:07

It's for her professional qualification not another degree

I wasn't entitled to funding for mine and I'm still paying off the money I borrowed. I can't imagine having the cheek to beg from other people.

SleepWalkingToTheGrave Fri 15-Jan-16 18:18:21

You don't have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.

ilovesooty Fri 15-Jan-16 18:19:20

lavender I was divorced at the same time so still paying that back too.

SerenityReynolds Fri 15-Jan-16 18:21:53

These crowdfunding things are getting out of control! confused. What happened to people saving up money themselves for things they wanted, or going without?

What Alice said. With bells on. It's not your responsibility to subsidise her for her career. She's an adult ffs. And you're right, friendships and money are best kept separate, barring exceptional circumstances.

Redglitter Fri 15-Jan-16 18:23:21

Sorry but I wouldn't even consider it. Most of the people I've experienced who Crowd Fund are absolute chancers.

Cloppysow Fri 15-Jan-16 18:25:01

Nope. Just nope.

enderwoman Fri 15-Jan-16 18:26:14

I think that if I had funded a friend's qualification it would change the dynamic. Imagine if she didn't pass, work hard or quit before completion?

expatinscotland Fri 15-Jan-16 18:29:17

Just don't give anything! It's a request, that's all.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 15-Jan-16 18:29:41

It makes me cringe a bit. I wouldn't, I don't think.

Lemond1fficult Fri 15-Jan-16 18:32:36

Thanks ladies. My main worry is that it would affect our friendship - I don't want to get all Daily Mail on her if she ever decided to treat herself. Her finances shouldn't be any of my business.

Wristy Fri 15-Jan-16 18:32:57

Eh??? Really?? How much is this qualification?

Presumably the qualifications she already has could get her a job in order to pay for it herself, no? What has happened to people taking responsibility for themselves and they're spending?

Sorry, so many questions- I'm just flabbergasted!!

Bailey101 Fri 15-Jan-16 18:33:21

Do people seriously have the brass neck to expect people to fund things like this shock. I've just forked out several thousand to do a professional qualification and it never entered my head to beg for the money off of my mates.

Tell her to bugger off and pay for her own bloody course!!

Wristy Fri 15-Jan-16 18:33:51


StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 15-Jan-16 18:34:44

No I wouldn't donate for this.

Cheeky mare.

Lemond1fficult Fri 15-Jan-16 18:35:21

Actually, she's done an architecture degree, but you need to do the next bit to be properly qualified. She's really good at it, so has a scholarship for a big chunk of her fees, but needs to make up the difference.

whois Fri 15-Jan-16 18:35:35

I call that begging. No chance would j give money like that and would think less of a friend who asked n

Bailey101 Fri 15-Jan-16 18:36:11

Just out of interest, has anyone else donated yet?

Lemond1fficult Fri 15-Jan-16 18:37:20

Actually, quite a few people have - to the tune of about 4K

ZenNudist Fri 15-Jan-16 18:37:22

Ignore. Who the hell would actually give her money? Her parents maybe, but everyone else? No.

ZenNudist Fri 15-Jan-16 18:37:51

How does it work? Does she pay everyone back?

Gwenhwyfar Fri 15-Jan-16 18:38:18

"I've just forked out several thousand to do a professional qualification and it never entered my head to beg for the money off of my mates."

Sounds like you either had the money or had the good credit to be able to borrow it.

Greyponcho Fri 15-Jan-16 18:38:58

If it's a professional qualification that is a requirement of her employer, then chances are, they'll reimburse her (assuming she's working, or why else would she need a professional qualification?) and what happens if there are annual fees involved for maintaining professional memberships?

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