Choosing single motherhood - do you think it will become more common?

[FlowersAndShit]

This is something I have seriously considered and I'm interested in other people's thoughts.

Due to a lack of men that are ready to settle down in their 20's/lack of commitment, do you think that more and more women will choose to go it alone and use a sperm donor or even co-parenting to achieve their dreams of motherhood?

Society has come a long way and with gay marriage and gay parenting, do you think that alternative family set-ups will be the 'norm' a decade or so from now?

What about the consequences, though? Children growing up without fathers, being resentful of their mothers, rebelling during teen years and getting in with the wrong crowd.

Am I right in thinking that motherhood is just a big gamble - you can do your best, raise them right but it's no guarantee as to how they will turn out?

[JonSnowKnowsNowt]

What newspaper do you write for, OP?

[SirChenjin]

I have no idea if you write for a newspaper, but providing it isn't the National I'll answer.

Yes, I think it will become more common for both women and men to choose single parenthood.

[Lurkedforever1]

Yy, well known fact single motherhood always leads to consequences like children resenting their mother, teen rebellion and getting in with the wrong crowd

[Birdsgottafly]

I don't think that it will 'become the norm'.

However, because the stigma of being a LP is lessening and women have increased earning capacity/secure employment etc then I would hope that there's an increase in Women choosing Lone Motherhood over being unhappily childless.

I stand by the child having the right to know who their Father is, though.

It isn't just a Father you're cutting out, either, you're cutting out one half of a family.

I think that you can vastly influence how a child 'turns out'.

[RudeElf]

being resentful of their mothers, rebelling during teen years and getting in with the wrong crowd.

Happens in every sort of family.

[FlowersAndShit]

Jon I'll take that as a compliment

Lurked Why not add to the discussion rather than turn this thread into a bun fight? I wanted to hear about people's thoughts on women choosing single motherhood, the consequences of doing so and how the nuclear family is changing.

[ewbank]

Absolutely it will become more common.

You can only ever do your best. The happiest couples can break up eventually. It's probably better to have always been a LP than to have to put your kids through a nasty divorce.

I'm a LP and I love it.

[Lurkedforever1]

Op given that you opened your post with a huge generalisation on the consequences of single motherhood, I didn't think you wanted an informed discussion.

[lostInTheWash]

Am I right in thinking that motherhood is just a big gamble - you can do your best, raise them right but it's no guarantee as to how they will turn out?

Why isn't this parenthood? It's true for all family set ups - children grow up into adults who as individuals make choices parents may not want or welcome.

Most single parents I know didn't start out thinking they would be - relationships break down or more rarely nowadays people die.

Even with single mother it varies widely how much input father might have or if another father figure comes along. So if you are asking if families will get more diverse - I think have already and I've no idea if it's a trend that will continue.

Last place we lived by yr2 of eldest she was already in minority for her parents still being together, even more so by us being married, most so still by having married pre children and very rare as both sets of GP are still together and married.

[cailindana]

You seem to think single parenthood has entirely negative consequences Flowers, why is that?

[jewishprincessofchigwell]

Well, I am a product of single mother who decided she wanted a child but no husband/partner as she approached 30 and no suitable men were around. I turned up OK but I was very aware that our family dynamics were to different to all my schoolmates. Think late seventies in communist country.
I always knew who my father is but never had any contact with him, as he had his own family and in different country. Paradoxically I now his parents, siblings and we always been in touch with them, up until my late teens.
All this made me even more determined that if I would have a child/children then I want a proper family, get married before have children etc.
So far, so good. Happily married for 6 years with 2DC.
Never resented my mum for her choice though, I had great childhood only the father figure was missing there.

[BestZebbie]

It depends what you are comparing it to, surely - just from a technological and legal point of view, it is still relatively recent in generational terms that single women (or female couples) have been able to consider carrying a baby without requiring at minimum a one-night stand.

I do not think that the amount of women who would deliberately become pregnant by sex without the knowledge of or against the wishes of the man is likely to vary that much over the course of human history, let alone in a decade or so within one society - but the addition of artificial insemination (etc) might open up the option of chosen single parenting to a new, different group of women, and therefore yes, increase overall take-up of the lifestyle.

If you also include women who 'choose' single parenthood by divorcing or leaving an abusive or 'dead-beat' partner, who then refuses to see or contribute to the children they had together, then that will also presumably have been steadily increasing for a while now as public awareness and feminist support for making that choice rather than suffering on in silence rises.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Why not add to the discussion rather than turn this thread into a bun fight?

Everything's a bunfight on here now. "You're wrong and you're a twat for even suggesting X" instead of "I feel that you're generalising / ill-informed, and here's why". I treat this board as a debate board, others treat as a place to sling mud. I'm starting to think AIBU should be deleted, not that MN would ever do that as it draws a huge amount of (angry, unhealthy) traffic.

I think that what, if anything, will drive up single motherhood is more and women educating themselves and realising they don't have to stay with a man who's a complete twat. I don't think they'll be a rise in people setting out to become parents alone, what with more and more women delaying pregnancy until they're older, have established careers, etc.

[Artandco]

Most women also aren't ready for a family in their 20s tbh. Hence why many male and female are waiting until mid 30s to have children

[ButterIsAngelSpunk]

Why would my son be resentful of me because I am a single mother??

[SirChenjin]

I'm starting to think AIBU should be deleted

YY to that!

[itsthecircleoflife]

Im thinking about it myself.

Im mid 20s, and longing for a child. But after countless disapointing internet dates, being set up with friends of friends etc- I havent found anyone suitable.

The way I see it is: ill never regret having a child, but I know I will regret not having one.

Not before im 30 though and established in a decent paying career. So who knows what could happen between now and then.

Also to add: one of my oldest, best friends was brought up just by her Mum. And she is probably the most lucid, normal person I know

[FlowersAndShit]

Thanks to everyone that gave some interesting replies.

For those that were offended, I was talking about women who choose single motherhood and their children possibly resenting them for a lack of father, rather than women who find themselves raising children single handedly.

[Snapespeare]

Yes, my children are incredibly resentful that I go out to work and provide a roof over their head with no support, financial or otherwise from their father. Those same children are managing to not fall in with the ‘wrong crowd’ and my youngest just pulled 10 GCSEs at A/B – the middle child has aspergers – which I don’t think is as a result of not having his dad around and only took 2 GCSEs last year, but got A*s in both of those. and that's not a 'stealth boast' it's what they have achieved in very difficult circumstances and I am proud of both of them.

how dare you suggest, OP that my children are less likely to do well, to fall in with the wrong crowd and to resent me because their father left.

I am fed up to the back teeth of people who are not single parents, or who haven’t been brought up in single parent families, viewing us as responsible for all-the-ills-of-society when the majority of single parents work hard, pay our taxes and bring up responsible citizens who will also contribute to society. Just the same as two parent families.

[Snapespeare]

there isn't a difference between women who choose single parenthood and women who decide to have a child without a father on the scene. If a father walks away when their child is very young, there is exactly the same consequence.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I think I get what you mean OP. Personally I would never have chosen to be a single mother but awful circumstances have made it my life. However, it's completely doable nowadays and I think that, provided that people have a decent support network, it might become a more common choice to make. There's nothing wrong with that at all

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

I don't think that's how the OP meant it Snape. Your children sound like a real credit to you btw.

[lubeybooby]

I'm a single mum. A single 'gymslip' mum at that from the age of 16. Never remotely affected my DD. She never went without, never rebelled, never resented, only been grounded once in her entire life and is now happily settled at uni on course for a first and is in a loving and healthy relationship

I didn't choose single parenthood but I can't see a problem with anyone who does as long as they are sensitive to their childs/childrens needs

[cailindana]

Do you genuinely think there is nothing positive about a woman deciding to have children on her own?

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

lubeybooby I was 17, hope my ds turns out half as good as your daughter.