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AIBU?

To think no-one should be able to over-rule a dead person's wishes on organ donation?

267 replies

angelos02 · 15/01/2016 10:03

I was disgusted on seeing the news that 547 people that had wanted to be organ donors were unable to do so because family members over-ruled their wishes. The patient's wishes could have improved the life of over 1200 people.

How is this allowed to happen? I can't possibly imagine the grief that these people were going through but you can't deny another human being's wishes?

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SleepyRoo · 15/01/2016 10:08

Totally agree - riled me so much I signed up to the donor register this AM with strict instructions to DH to comply - and overrule me "over my dead body". Worth it just for that gag. Grin

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LindyHemming · 15/01/2016 10:11

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BertrandRussell · 15/01/2016 10:14

"Yes, it's disrespectful to the dead person's wishes, but the living need to do what they think is best."

Does that apply to their house and money as well? Hmm

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vvviola · 15/01/2016 10:14

There is not a transplant team in the world that would overrule the next of kin wishes re organs.

And could you imagine the media spin "doctors stole my relative's organs".

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Arfarfanarf · 15/01/2016 10:15

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seaweed123 · 15/01/2016 10:16

As awful as I think it is that so many potential organ donations have been lost, I do disagree.

I wonder how many people who weren't on the donor list donated organs after their families gave permission? We don't know how many of those were against donation, and how many just hadn't bothered to register. IMO it doesn't matter either way - if it gave their families some comfort then it was the right thing to do.

So it works both ways, I think. I would want to donate, but if I were dead, my opinions would be irrelevant, and the opinions of those grieving would be the important thing. Similarly with religious funerals, despite being an atheist. I'd want my funeral to be whatever gave those I left behind most comfort.

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WhirlwindHugs · 15/01/2016 10:17

I ahree with you Arf - whether I'm dead or not my body doesn't belong to my family.

I registered, I made my feelings clear, it shouldn't natter what my grieving family think.

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Pootles2010 · 15/01/2016 10:18

They're grieving. None of us can say how we would react.

The other thing to consider is that a lot of the time with organ donation, its people who have very suddenly died - car crashes & the like. So the family would have had a hell of a shock - not like its after a long illness, iyswim.

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WickedWax · 15/01/2016 10:19

Works bother ways, many people not on the register had their organs donated

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WickedWax · 15/01/2016 10:20

*both

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LindyHemming · 15/01/2016 10:20

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MrsJayy · 15/01/2016 10:20

I agree with you if a person is registered then over ruling their wishes is disrespectful and selfish I think next of kin requesting (not the right word) should be banned if the person has given permission ,

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BertrandRussell · 15/01/2016 10:21

So, I write a will, leaving my property as I see fit. Shouls my relatives be able to over rule me because I am dead and they need to do what's best for them?

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LumelaMme · 15/01/2016 10:21

If any member of my family stopped my organs being used after I can signed up for it (which I have) I'd come back to haunt them.

Surely part of living afterwards with your grief is feeling that you did what the person asked for?

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SonyaAtTheSamovar · 15/01/2016 10:26

Yanbu

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angelos02 · 15/01/2016 10:28

bertrand exactly.

Why bother having a donor card if someone (that you may not have even got on with) can over-ride you.

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WitchWay · 15/01/2016 10:36

Apparently the relatives will be spoken to by a "specialist nurse" & given a "special form" to sign if the refuse to allow donation.

Soft & namby pamby approach as usual - makes me fume.

It ought to be mandatory that suitable organs are taken from all donors, regardless of the relatives' wishes.

I also think we ought to have an opt out rule, rather than an opt in one.

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WitchWay · 15/01/2016 10:36

*they refuse not the refuse

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NoSquirrels · 15/01/2016 10:41

I just can't imagine the basis on which people refuse, tbh.

I can't imagine being told that my close relative wanted to be an organ donor, and being asked if I would consent, and saying no. There are no circumstances in which I would refuse - what would I be gaining from saying no? The person I loved is still dead.

I am in agreement with Arf - told after the fact that your relative had donated their organs.

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Anotherusername1 · 15/01/2016 10:43

I would be concerned about an opt-out system where the State effectively owned your body.

But if you opt in, then that should be that without loved ones being able to overrule it.

We need to get more people on the register - I'm sure there are lots of opportunities to ask people - applying for a passport, driving licence, electoral roll updates, UCAS form, registering with a new GP or dentist, to name but a few.

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TheVeganVagina · 15/01/2016 10:47

I dont think it is a good idea to judge people and call them selfish. You dont know everyones unique situation or how you would react.

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JamNittyGrittyAndHedrin · 15/01/2016 10:47

I also think it should be opt out.

My DH is adamant that he doesn't want his organs donated. I don't know the reasons, he won't discuss it. If he went first and I had to discuss organ donation, I would find it very hard to honour his wishes as donating them would give me more comfort to know that he didn't die in vain. I would do what he asked, but it would cause me additional pain to do so above and beyond losing him

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99percentchocolate · 15/01/2016 10:47

I'm really worried that this will happen if I go before DP and I get to the register office. I'm registered but my mum doesn't like the idea of "her baby being cut up after death" (her words) and I completely understand that. However, it is my wish and I've told DP and mum that should anything happen to me then donation is to go ahead as I planned. My argument is that if I would accept the organs then I'd better be willing to donate.

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juneau · 15/01/2016 10:48

I agree with you OP. There's not much in life that you can truly say belongs to you, but surely your own body is the one, indisputable thing that does. For someone else to have the final say what happens to your body is outrageous. That their selfishness gets to trump your final wishes should be illegal.

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99percentchocolate · 15/01/2016 10:48

Driving license you definitely get asked. I had to answer when I was filling out the initial form and again when I booked my practical test.

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