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To think no-one should be able to over-rule a dead person's wishes on organ donation?

(268 Posts)
angelos02 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:03:44

I was disgusted on seeing the news that 547 people that had wanted to be organ donors were unable to do so because family members over-ruled their wishes. The patient's wishes could have improved the life of over 1200 people.

How is this allowed to happen? I can't possibly imagine the grief that these people were going through but you can't deny another human being's wishes?

SleepyRoo Fri 15-Jan-16 10:08:16

Totally agree - riled me so much I signed up to the donor register this AM with strict instructions to DH to comply - and overrule me "over my dead body". Worth it just for that gag. grin

Euphemia Fri 15-Jan-16 10:11:14

The dead person is dead and knows nothing of what's happening. The grieving have to get on with their lives the best they can, dealing with their grief and all the things that need to be done after someone dies.

Yes, it's disrespectful to the dead person's wishes, but the living need to do what they think is best.

My DH has talked about donating his body to science but I've told him that if he goes first, that's not happening!

BertrandRussell Fri 15-Jan-16 10:14:18

"Yes, it's disrespectful to the dead person's wishes, but the living need to do what they think is best."

Does that apply to their house and money as well? hmm

vvviola Fri 15-Jan-16 10:14:33

There is not a transplant team in the world that would overrule the next of kin wishes re organs.

And could you imagine the media spin "doctors stole my relative's organs".

Arfarfanarf Fri 15-Jan-16 10:15:01

I think the law should be changed. Your body rightly belongs to you. Before and after death. It should not become the property of your relatives and they should not be put in the position of having to make this choice at what is the worst time of their lives.

It should be changed to recognise the absolute right of the individual to control what happens to their body when they die. So if they are registered, then they donate and the relatives are not consulted but instead sensitively told that their loved one was a donor.

If the person had not signed up, then it would be the relatives to make that choice.

This is if we don't go down the opt out route of course, which would be my personal preference but I know a lot of people are against that.

seaweed123 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:16:51

As awful as I think it is that so many potential organ donations have been lost, I do disagree.

I wonder how many people who weren't on the donor list donated organs after their families gave permission? We don't know how many of those were against donation, and how many just hadn't bothered to register. IMO it doesn't matter either way - if it gave their families some comfort then it was the right thing to do.

So it works both ways, I think. I would want to donate, but if I were dead, my opinions would be irrelevant, and the opinions of those grieving would be the important thing. Similarly with religious funerals, despite being an atheist. I'd want my funeral to be whatever gave those I left behind most comfort.

WhirlwindHugs Fri 15-Jan-16 10:17:38

I ahree with you Arf - whether I'm dead or not my body doesn't belong to my family.

I registered, I made my feelings clear, it shouldn't natter what my grieving family think.

Pootles2010 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:18:38

They're grieving. None of us can say how we would react.

The other thing to consider is that a lot of the time with organ donation, its people who have very suddenly died - car crashes & the like. So the family would have had a hell of a shock - not like its after a long illness, iyswim.

WickedWax Fri 15-Jan-16 10:19:48

Works bother ways, many people not on the register had their organs donated

WickedWax Fri 15-Jan-16 10:20:08

*both

Euphemia Fri 15-Jan-16 10:20:21

Bertrand

I haven't thought about that. I haven't been in that position. It would depend on the circumstances and the details.

My dad had specific instructions about his ashes - my mum doesn't want to do exactly that, so she's gone for a compromise of what he wanted and what gives her comfort. I think she's right.

Personally, I wouldn't stand in the way of an organ donation as I absolutely agree with donation. But not everyone does, and as I said before, the living need to do what they think is right.

MrsJayy Fri 15-Jan-16 10:20:37

I agree with you if a person is registered then over ruling their wishes is disrespectful and selfish I think next of kin requesting (not the right word) should be banned if the person has given permission ,

BertrandRussell Fri 15-Jan-16 10:21:15

So, I write a will, leaving my property as I see fit. Shouls my relatives be able to over rule me because I am dead and they need to do what's best for them?

LumelaMme Fri 15-Jan-16 10:21:38

If any member of my family stopped my organs being used after I can signed up for it (which I have) I'd come back to haunt them.

Surely part of living afterwards with your grief is feeling that you did what the person asked for?

SonyaAtTheSamovar Fri 15-Jan-16 10:26:03

Yanbu

angelos02 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:28:22

bertrand exactly.

Why bother having a donor card if someone (that you may not have even got on with) can over-ride you.

WitchWay Fri 15-Jan-16 10:36:22

Apparently the relatives will be spoken to by a "specialist nurse" & given a "special form" to sign if the refuse to allow donation.

Soft & namby pamby approach as usual - makes me fume.

It ought to be mandatory that suitable organs are taken from all donors, regardless of the relatives' wishes.

I also think we ought to have an opt out rule, rather than an opt in one.

WitchWay Fri 15-Jan-16 10:36:45

*they refuse not the refuse

NoSquirrels Fri 15-Jan-16 10:41:24

I just can't imagine the basis on which people refuse, tbh.

I can't imagine being told that my close relative wanted to be an organ donor, and being asked if I would consent, and saying no. There are no circumstances in which I would refuse - what would I be gaining from saying no? The person I loved is still dead.

I am in agreement with Arf - told after the fact that your relative had donated their organs.

Anotherusername1 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:43:46

I would be concerned about an opt-out system where the State effectively owned your body.

But if you opt in, then that should be that without loved ones being able to overrule it.

We need to get more people on the register - I'm sure there are lots of opportunities to ask people - applying for a passport, driving licence, electoral roll updates, UCAS form, registering with a new GP or dentist, to name but a few.

TheVeganVagina Fri 15-Jan-16 10:47:09

I dont think it is a good idea to judge people and call them selfish. You dont know everyones unique situation or how you would react.

JamNittyGrittyAndHedrin Fri 15-Jan-16 10:47:22

I also think it should be opt out.

My DH is adamant that he doesn't want his organs donated. I don't know the reasons, he won't discuss it. If he went first and I had to discuss organ donation, I would find it very hard to honour his wishes as donating them would give me more comfort to know that he didn't die in vain. I would do what he asked, but it would cause me additional pain to do so above and beyond losing him

99percentchocolate Fri 15-Jan-16 10:47:36

I'm really worried that this will happen if I go before DP and I get to the register office. I'm registered but my mum doesn't like the idea of "her baby being cut up after death" (her words) and I completely understand that. However, it is my wish and I've told DP and mum that should anything happen to me then donation is to go ahead as I planned. My argument is that if I would accept the organs then I'd better be willing to donate.

juneau Fri 15-Jan-16 10:48:11

I agree with you OP. There's not much in life that you can truly say belongs to you, but surely your own body is the one, indisputable thing that does. For someone else to have the final say what happens to your body is outrageous. That their selfishness gets to trump your final wishes should be illegal.

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