To be so bloody stressed and miserable(11 Posts)
First of all I know many people are in much worse situations but I am having a self pity thread. Currently 6 months pregnant with unexpected 2nd Dc. We moved under 12 months ago to a two bedroom place needed some work and also view to doing loft conversion for future bedrooms. We have redo orated lounge/diner and we're going to leave kitchen till April may time. Then I fell pregnant unexpectedly after not being able to concieve. We earn ok salaries manage but don't seem to have s lot of spare cash on paper I don't know why we don't! Anyway kitchen is now falling apart, dishwasher bust and induction hob not working. We need a new boiler. Baby will be in our bedroom for some considerable time as DD s room is a box room and not sensible to share. Our bedroom is falling apart had old fashioned inbuilt wardrobes need ripping out and redecorating. We have tiny savings but no debt , due to remortgage in Dec ( whilst on mat leave). I am so worried about everything I wanted house best we could before baby now half kitchen is not working and being over 10 years old it's not worth repairing . We are thinking of getting small loan to get kitchen done- we know a few labourers and tradespeople. But I am so frustrated that I can't get the house done and how we will manage with a new baby. And if kitchen is being replaced when?? Before baby due early April? After - can imagine nightmare with a newborn and toddler! I am lying awake at night stressing and upset with living in a dump hole!
Everything is relative. I'll list the positives...your life is a dream for some people.
You're having a lovely baby
You own a house
You have no debt
You're both employed
To many (me included) all of this is fabulous.
These are 'first world' problems. It is all about perspective.
You have a roof over your head, your family are healthy, you can eat. It sounds you bit off more than you could chew with the house.
Worrying is normal, but being miserable over it is is just plain needless melodrama caused by your hormones - so get a grip.
Just prioritise the essential and if it means a bit more debt well just do it - it is better than being uncomfortable/miserable.
I can live with an ugly bedroom, but I can't live without a working kitchen. Forget the dishwasher, you CAN live without one. That is NOT a priority - but an oven?
You need a clean place to cook - so focus on the kitchen. Get a loan if you need to.
When you say your bedroom is falling apart - is that an exaggeration? Is the ceiling/floor/wall coming apart? Or can you live with shoddy cupboards for some more time?
It is only January. That is enough time to get a kitchen done by March. When it is time to do the cupboards in the bedroom, just camp in the lounge a couple of days - having a baby won't make much difference.
If none of this can happen - then get a grip, and just make do, be brave and don't make a fuss. Count your blessings.
Thanks I did say they are first world problems ! We didn't bite off more than we could chew with house we had plans which we have had to shelve due to becoming pregnant so our financial situation is changed considerably, it's very hard when your working and stressed about things to see woods for trees sometines😔 Although I do appreciate growing up on the breadline with no mother and an alcoholic father how bad life can get. I guess I just wanted a different outcome for me and children when older
Have some to cheer you up, OP.
It is overwhelming when you're pregnant and you think/know you won't have time/energy after the baby is born. But, tbh, I found I was less exhausted after the birth of DC2 than I was when I was pregnant. The unknown bit (birth, etc.) was over and I felt better able to cope. So go easy on yourself and try not to worry.
1) How bad is your boiler? Have you had it serviced - is it safe? If not, that is your first priority.
2) The kitchen. Is the hob built-in? I know you planned to do it up, but perhaps you need to think differently and just get the hob repaired for now, and leave the kitchen till you can save up some money. If you get a small loan for boiler & kitchen, how will this affect your remortgage, if that's going to happen whilst you're on maternity leave? And how much will your childcare be when you go back to work? Check that out before you commit yourself to any debt.
3) Getting rid of the inbuilt wardrobes is just a demolition job - you can get that done and buy a couple of free-standing ones, paint the room and then leave it for now. If you are still planning on a loft conversion it's not worth doing too much more, but for me I would like the bedroom sorted before the baby came, and it's a smallish job really.
4) Work out exactly what you have going out and coming in, money-wise. Add up absolutely everything you spend over a month or two, and remember to factor in those expenses that happen less frequently than monthly - Christmas, haircuts, days out in the summer holidays, car tax & maintenance etc. Track your grocery spending and day to day spending over a month - you will probably be surprised. If you earn enough between you, perhaps you just need to cut back a little to make some progress on getting things done.
Thanks nosquirrels the hob is built in! It just seems a little silly repairing things like chucking good money after bad? Our bedroom I think your right! We are going to sit down and do our sims thus weekend, I think we taking the point of view that a new kitchen will add value to our house! If we can get it done cheap enough ! The boiler isn't dangerous but not working properly and over 10 years old our gas engineer said its just not width the repair bill as rubbish very old make. The baby had just shelved a lot of plans. I think your right that we need to cut back especially grocery spending as on paper we should have enough income
Doing the kitchen will add value, and make your house nicer to live in etc., but the mortgage company won't see it that way unfortunately - they'll just want to see income & outgoings pretty much for a remortgage. So just make sure you are on the right side of that, as delaying upgrading the kitchen till next year, after you have remortgaged, might actually make the most sense. Remortgaging whilst on maternity leave can be a big pain the bum, so be cautious about new debt is all I mean.
If I were you I would suck up a hob repair, get the bedroom sorted now, do your sums and see what you can save up to get the boiler replaced later in the year without taking out any debt (or do it on a 0% credit card now that you can definitely pay off before remortgage time) and then plan on taking a loan next year to do the kitchen properly. But that's me, and I am fairly tolerant of living in a bit of an unideal situation if I can see it keeps things secure in the longer term - I hate worrying about money.
Thanks the boiler can't really wait I don't think as some days it's not lighting and we rely for hot water especially with a new baby. The hob is going to cost about £125 and I just can't see how it makes sense when a new one may cost a little more! Then if something esle goes on it its throwing money away. But I take your point regarding the remortgage and money. We are thinking if maybe asking parents for a small loan and repaying them instead of having official debt . I hate worrying about money too!
See I wouldn't compare the £125 to £250 or whatever for a whole new one, I would compare the £125 to £5,000 or whatever you think it will cost to do the whole kitchen. But that's me. You need to weigh up and be happy about it.
Boiler sounds quite urgent, though. If your parents would loan you money to do both boiler and kitchen now then go for it, only you know what the real situation will be with the remortgage and what LTV you have and all that stuff.
I understand your frustrations, but things don't always go as planned and you have to prioritise and do the things that you need to do sooner, and the things that can wait don't even think about until later.
I think our situation is similar to yours - we moved into a house a couple of years ago with a list of things that we wanted to do, but as circumstances have changed, a lot of the work has had to be put on hold. We live with a hideously clapped-out bedroom (with a disasterous built-in cupboard/wardrobe thing) which isn't ideal, but is manageable. And will get sorted out eventually. We patched up the kitchen and bought a new cooker - again, the kitchen will get replaced (not sure when), but there's not a lot of point regretting buying a cooker as we need it in the meantime. We did get a new boiler though.
Therefore what I am trying to say is, pay for the things that you really feel you can't live without, but put some plans on hold - you will be able to manage.
Borrow money from your parents if you can, rather than getting a bank loan - we are currently remortgaging whilst I am on extended adoption leave (nil pay situation) and it has been an absolute nightmare!
Thanks it's going to be a long weekend of sitting with pads paper and calculators!
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