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FIL inviting himself on holiday with us

(123 Posts)
bellybuttonfairy Thu 14-Jan-16 21:43:01

FIL is elderly has invited himself this evening on our ski holiday. He has been before on quite a few occassions (again - self invited) as well as summer holidays! I told him last summer that we were going with friends and he could not come - as I felt this was becoming quite a habit.

He is a very nice gentleman but we take our 3 young children and stay in cramped accomodation.

He's too elderly to be any help with the children and it's even more work for me to look after another person and listen to his endless chatting

When he asked this evening and about booking dates - I just mumbled and tried to change subject. I know this is a bit wimpy but I was caught on the hop (I know 'no' is a complete sentence etc.)

DH knows how I feel about another holiday with an additional guest and started putting him off gently. However, FIL just started saying how he only has a couple of years left skiing etc.

AIBU in being strict and saying no and offending him greatly? I think our accomodation is too small to take another person comfortably (although hasn't put him off before). He does generally irritate me slightly and will expect to be catered for by me!

If anyone thinks I'm NBU - any advice on how to gently tell him no?

NorthernRosie Thu 14-Jan-16 21:44:49

It's a no win.

It sounds awful to have him there but the guilt of saying no is awful too


Arfarfanarf Thu 14-Jan-16 21:46:57

How about telling him that he will need his own accomodation and you wont be able to do x, y, z for him (list whatever it is you usually do) because it is your holiday too and you and your husband have agreed it is unfair that on holiday you are left to run after everyone, so by all means book any holiday he wants but he must understand he must cater for himself in his own chalet?

Sparkletastic Thu 14-Jan-16 21:49:17

Hasn't he got any friends he could go with? Or do an elderly singles trip?

VegasIsBest Thu 14-Jan-16 21:50:12

Family holiday time is so precious. I'm afraid I'd just say that it's a family holiday and there won't be space for him this time. However your husband would love to have a weekend away with him later in the year in ....(pick somewhere he'd like and then let your husband sort it out).

rookiemere Thu 14-Jan-16 21:51:24

I agree with arf.
Could he come to the same resort but stay in a hotel nearby so that way he can join you during the day but you're not required to cook for him or have him squeeze into a confined space?

WipsGlitter Thu 14-Jan-16 21:54:59

He is family!! Surely with skiing you don't have to see him during the day much? Early to bed? Make him stump up for better accommodation.

bellybuttonfairy Thu 14-Jan-16 21:59:30

It's difficult - I don't want to cause family problems. My dh will stick with my decision although he'd happily let him bunk in with us. It is his Dad and he want to look after him.

I think I'm just going to have to say 'ok'. I think I may be turning into a grumpy old woman myselfsad

CFSsucks Thu 14-Jan-16 22:02:18

Why isn't your DH telling him? It's his dad. YANBU. This sounds like a right pain. I'd hate to have someone constantly tagging on our family holidays.

bellybuttonfairy Thu 14-Jan-16 22:02:57

Wipsglitter - we do have to keep a close eye on him! He's 80 and getting more doddery - he sticks to Blue runs but I'm terrified he's going to have a nasty fall!

Hassled Thu 14-Jan-16 22:07:58

Oh just make the happy memories for your DH and DCs while you can. He's 80 and he wants to go skiing with you - how great is that? You're going to have years and years where he's not around; make the most of this time.
If the space is an issue then yes, he needs to sort something else out, and your DH needs to up his game re entertaining/caring for him, but I think you should let him come.

Antisoc Thu 14-Jan-16 22:08:09

I think I'd leave it to you DH to decide but then make sure your DH does the catering. Its a bit irritating but if you are out skiing then it's not like you are stuck with him.

StayWithMe Thu 14-Jan-16 22:08:45

So I take it your husband will be making cups of tea for him, ironing his clothes and generally running after him?

StayWithMe Thu 14-Jan-16 22:10:11

Bty, you only have a few more years of your children being young and you want to enjoy being on holiday with them.

knobblyknee Thu 14-Jan-16 22:11:05

Why in the name of sanity would an 80 year old go on a skiing holiday?!?

Its not 'no is a complete sentence', people just do it wrong. Its 'no is a complete answer, it does not require an explanation'.
That means if you say no, I'm not supposed to bug you Why, then demolish all your arguments as rubbish saying they dont count. I'm supposed to just accept no as an answer.

MarmaladeBasedProtectionRacket Thu 14-Jan-16 22:13:05

I told him last summer that we were going with friends and he could not come - as I felt this was becoming quite a habit.

It seems like the issue is not just this specific trip, where you can probably grin and bear it for a week or so - it's the pattern of expectation that's been set up, and him feeling it's OK to keep inviting himself.

If you give in and agree to him coming on this trip, then make sure your next holiday is just you, husband and kids. I would also do your own thing during the day, ski school, ski with the kids, whatever you would do normally and don't alter your schedule to suit him. Don't be the one doing all the hosting, catering, organizing - skiing all day is exhausting, you need a break as well, it's your holiday too. If your booked accommodation is too cramped, he has to sort his own out.

If you had planned the trip with him a part of it, you might have chosen a different resort, different accommodation etc, now he's tagging along uninvited he'll have to take things as he finds them, and not expect adjustments to suit his preferences. He may be elderly, but if he's still skiing he must be in reasonable shape?

WineSpider Thu 14-Jan-16 22:13:29

I'm amazed he can get travel insurance to ski at 80!

bellybuttonfairy Thu 14-Jan-16 22:14:38

DH is excellent. He does do loads.

It's obviously me being a horrible cow then. biscuit <gives herself a biscuit>

peppersaunt Thu 14-Jan-16 22:15:07

Elderly DF invited himself sling on our Caribbean holiday. He booked his own room, took DD on long walks down the beach and babysat one night so we could dine in the "grown-up" restaurant! He died suddenly the next summer. I'm so glad we did it!

expatinscotland Thu 14-Jan-16 22:15:11

I would be very afraid he'd fall.

N3wYear2016 Thu 14-Jan-16 22:18:02

80 and he is still skiing fantastic ! ! !

Alot of people do not have such good health at a much earlier age

Why dont you eat out then you wont have to cook or atleast eat out for a few days

I would enjoy the time together while you still can

bellybuttonfairy Thu 14-Jan-16 22:18:14

Marmalade - you are right. It's become a habit for all our holidays. I'll put my biscuit back in the packet!!!!

I don't find my holiday is a relaxing carefree affair as FIL is always there. Last summer was lovely just with me, DH and the children.

RainOhJoy Thu 14-Jan-16 22:19:12

Hell No!
Ttlc him y want family time, want to go on different runs to him so can't babysit him, or he still wants to come, go the route of he stays seperate and doesn't expect you to wait on him.

Charlesroi Thu 14-Jan-16 22:19:15

Hang on - he's too elderly to help with the children and do his share of the chores, but not too old to ski? confused
Either he doesn't go, he gets a hotel or his son does the fetching and carrying or FIL pitches in

It's your holiday too, so get DH to sort it.

SanityClause Thu 14-Jan-16 22:19:20

Have to laugh at the idea of ironing on a ski holiday!


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