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To miss a work colleague...

(22 Posts)
TomRiddle Thu 14-Jan-16 19:50:47

Weird post. Sorry. But I've found myself constantly thinking about a work colleague and it has just dawned on me that I miss them and think about them constantly when I'm not with them. Not sure if it means sexual attraction or not? We are both married and both women. I've never felt like this about another women and I'm very sure she would not have either, so what the f is going on? could it be hormonal and has anyone experienced this out of the blue?

KakiFruit Thu 14-Jan-16 19:55:55

Sounds like a crush. We all get them, and it will pass!

TomRiddle Thu 14-Jan-16 20:06:01

But why would I have a crush on a woman now? I'm in my 40s! Have been in a relationship for many, many years and have never had this weird sensation hmm

MamaLazarou Thu 14-Jan-16 20:24:03

It's absolutely normal to develop a passing crush on someone, male or female. It doesn't mean anything. It will pass.

Balaboosta Thu 14-Jan-16 21:59:42

Go with it. Part of life's rich tapestry and all that. Don't suppress it but use it to heighten your libido. Then give your DP a seeing to!

TomRiddle Thu 14-Jan-16 22:18:45

Would much rather give colleague a seeing to.

cleaty Fri 15-Jan-16 00:01:48

It depends, and only you really know the answer. It could mean you love her as a friend. It could mean a crush, or it could mean you have fallen in love with her. Sorry, but strangers on the internet can not really say which it is.

TheCatsFlaps Fri 15-Jan-16 01:54:32

I'm guessing you just miss a friend. I'm gay and miss my colleague - both of us ladies, but simply because we had an intense and immediate connection. It's a beautiful thing. Have you asked how she feels? Feel dead excited for you flowers

TomRiddle Fri 15-Jan-16 17:23:36

I want to but I'm too scared to. I have a feeling that either it is completely mutual (but neither of us can do anything about it) or she will be horrified and our relationship will henceforth be ruined.
Has anyone ever had a similar confession made to them and been mortified? Or had a feeling someone wanted to but never did?

Thanks Cats, it is both exciting and confusing, but I think it may be a little bit easier now that I've thought that they might be legitimate feelings blush

CaptainCrunch Fri 15-Jan-16 17:47:36

Regardless of whether it would be reciprocated you're both married. You're not in a position to pursue it. Try focusing on making things better with your DH than contemplating an affair. It's just nasty.

TomRiddle Fri 15-Jan-16 17:57:43

An affair is not on the cards. Not sure where you got that impression!

NoahVale Fri 15-Jan-16 18:03:09

can you see each other out of work? go keep fit or something matey

CaptainCrunch Fri 15-Jan-16 18:04:31

It's hardly an "impression"

You wrote

"Would much rather give colleague a seeing to" which means you want to have sex with her.

You want to tell her how you feel in the hope that it's mutual. Where do you honestly expect it would go after that when you've already said you find it "exciting" and responded positively to a post which is "dead excited for you" at the prospect of telling the colleague how you feel.

Don't be disingenuous. You know what you want and you're hoping she wants it too.

Focus on your husband, poor guy.

TomRiddle Fri 15-Jan-16 18:04:32

Are you insinuating that I'm tubby hmmgrin

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 15-Jan-16 18:05:19

What would the aim of telling her be?

It would appear to be a suggestion that you wanted an affair, or to split up both of your marriages and pursue something together. Would that be your aim?

If not, nothing good can come of telling her - it'd just be awkward. Even if she felt the same, there's no future in it.

TomRiddle Fri 15-Jan-16 18:07:35

I see what you mean now. That was merely in jest (wouldn't know what to do for a start!). But I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it in very recent days. We are both in committed relationships, an affair would simply not happen even if in the rare event we felt the same about each other. Same would apply if it were a male, just wouldn't occur.

TomRiddle Fri 15-Jan-16 18:08:53

I suppose it would be confirmation that I am not imagining the chemistry and that I am in fact in love with a woman. But that doesn't mean I would act upon it as I take my marriage very seriously, but it would mean myself thinking about the future.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 15-Jan-16 19:23:30

I think, in the madness of the crush, you're not thinking this through properly.

Think of the possible outcomes.

She might tell you that she's flattered, but she doesn't feel the same. That's probably the most likely. It is likely to lead to awkwardness between you, because even if you try to ignore knowing that someone has feelings for you, it stresses the relationship. She'll be making sure she keeps her distance, to avoid giving you the wrong impression.

She might not feel the same, and think it's best to distance the relationship out of commitment to her husband. In general, this is the right thing for a married person to do if someone else admits to feelings. It'd be the end of your friendship.

She might feel the same and suggest an affair. This is probably the least likely outcome, but it's possible. You'd then either be having an affair, or you'd have knocked her back, so she'd feel rejected and your friendship would wilt.

Or, she might feel the same, but both of you be clear that you want it to go no further - and in all likelihood, that'd mean that you'd need to distance yourselves.

You don't need her to confirm if there is chemistry - there might be chemistry for you and none for her, she can't tell you that. She can only tell you if she reciprocates, and if you don't plan on an affair, that's irrelevant. If you feel chemistry, and you're attracted to her, that's all you need to know to decide about your future. Regardless of whom you fell in love with, you'd need to end things with your husband and get a clean break before starting something new.

cleaty Fri 15-Jan-16 21:12:58

Some woman do leave their Husbands for another woman.
But if you don't want anything to happen, I would not mention your feelings to her.

TomRiddle Fri 15-Jan-16 22:19:00

Very good advice anchor, thank you. You're right, I wouldn't gain anything by knowing either way I suppose. I'm just doing my own head in aren't I. Part of it has to do with my husband having an affair many years ago (11) and I wonder if this is how he felt, as if it were reciprocated I imagine it would be very hard to resist. It has raised so many questions for me and I can answer none of them.

cleaty Sat 16-Jan-16 15:28:20

You don't need to decide the answers now. But perhaps some counselling would help you think the issues through?

SuperCee7 Sat 16-Jan-16 15:34:59

Are you for real? You start your post with "I miss a colleague but I'm not sure if it's sexual" and less then 48 hours later you're saying you've thought about having sex with her and you're in love with her?

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