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AIBU?

To find this a little bit strange

146 replies

Chamonix1 · 14/01/2016 13:18

My mil adores 3 year old dd, she's her only granddaughter and dd is lucky to have her, however I have found myself a bit confused about my mil's decision to go onto my Facebook (we are not friends on there as I wasn't aware she used it!) and save every single photo of dd, and me and dp.
I would understand if this had been because these photos had popped up in her news feed and she thought "oh what a lovely photo I'll save that" however when showing me some recent photos of dd she flicked through maybe 30 photos of dd, me and dp, and even dd with her godfather (dps best friend) basically she has saved every profile photo I have (they were the only ones people who aren't friends with me on there can see) saved every single one and not even added me.
Again,this would be understandable if she never saw dd, but she takes her at least once a week because she wants to see her and we all see them regularly. Why would you want photos of someone else's memory, and why an earth would you search someone out on Facebook. Save all their photos and not bother adding them.
She flicked through and dh said "where doped you get these from mum" to which she replied, "that was in dgd's godfathers page" pointing to the 1 photo of dd and her godfather, I couldn't help but find the other 20+ photos a little odd, I've at least learnt something from thus and have changed my privacy settings!
Maybe I am yet to understand and when I'm a grandma I'll do stuff like this, I just can't imagine doing it myself, unless it's a memory I've shared with someone, a special moment to look back on I don't get why I'd want the photo, I can't see myself hunting them out anyway.
I'm being unreasonable, aren't i?

OP posts:

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grumpmitchell · 14/01/2016 13:25

This is exactly the reason I don't post photos on fb. Anyone can lift them from your page and save them. Be glad it's only someone you actually know.

lizzydrippingsghost · 14/01/2016 13:27

i dont think its strange at all (but then i dont do f b so im not sure how it works) shes a doting granma whose interested in everything her gd does, whats wrong with that.
you say its someone else memory but to her its another episode in her dgs life.
would it bother you so much if it was your mother doing it

knobblyknee · 14/01/2016 13:27

No! Its weird, its Gaah! level weird. Hide. Thats what I would do.

TheExMotherInLaw · 14/01/2016 13:35

I'd say that she has no idea that you would find it odd for her to copy them. To her, you are sharing the pictures, there is a facility to download them, so she is doing that. Maybe it would be kind to send her as many photos as you are comfortable with her having. I will never have grandchildren, but I know I would treasure any photo of them, although I am aware of conventions enough to know not to just copy any might see, without asking first. (sorry, that sentence ran away with itself)

FairiesAreReal · 14/01/2016 13:38

I really don't get the problem, she just wants photos of her GD.
Couldn't you tag her in on the photos so she gets them directly from you?

Also I don't believe it's 'someone else's memories'- it's her GD's memories which she wants to be part of

Katenka · 14/01/2016 13:41

I don't see the problem. She is keeping photos that she likes.

She may look at your page or someone you have uncommon may comment/like and it pops up in her feed?

Not really sure how fb works even though I have it.

But I would be worried that it is so easy for her to it, it's easy for anyone to do it.

BIWI · 14/01/2016 13:43

Why on earth wouldn't she want to have photos of her own grand daughter?!

pocketsaviour · 14/01/2016 13:43

My Grandma had so many photos that after she died we had 4 enormous removal size boxes to sort through. Almost all of them were of the grandchildren. If Facebook had been around then I am sure she would have been doing similar to your MIL. I don't really think it's creepy but maybe you might tighten your privacy settings and instead email her photos of your DD instead?

BrianButterfield · 14/01/2016 13:44

I don't think it's weird. She's probably not au fait with FB etiquette - just sees that there are photos available of a darling, loved grandchild and she would like to have copies for herself.

TamaraLamara · 14/01/2016 13:46

All MILs are weird on FB. Fact.

Whathaveilost · 14/01/2016 13:48

Not a problem.
I really don't see the issue.

Nabootique · 14/01/2016 13:48

I go onto ex-SIL FB (who I am not friends with) and save pictures she's put on there of my DD. Is that weird too?

Birdie85 · 14/01/2016 13:51

I don't think it's that weird, if I've put a nice photo of my DS, or even just me and DH on FB I know that my Mum and MIL will sometimes save them and it doesn't bother me. I'd rather they do that than constantly share every photo I put up there on their own page which is what a friend's MIL does!

Mamia15 · 14/01/2016 13:53

You need to increase our privacy settings so that non friends can't view or copy your photos.

Also I never put up profile or cover pictures that include my children or other family members.

Also I wouldn't allow your pictures to be tagged as this reduce the privacy as friends of those tagged will see the pictures.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 13:54

I think some people of the older generations (not elderly but not as techy) just don't get all the ins and outs and etiquette of FB. Also she was just getting pics of dd, not pics of you in Marbs 09 so I don't see the prob.
In the past I have been annoyed with my mum repeating my FB statuses to me. "Oh I see you went to Waitrose for a sandwich." "Oh I saw you met up with a friend" etc I speak to her a lot but it would just be weird when stuff like meeting people I was about to tell her and she's telling me

sofato5miles · 14/01/2016 13:57

MIL lives 4 hours drive away. She loves printing off the photos of the children, and i think it saves me getting them printed and sending them to her.

YABU

AnnaMarlowe · 14/01/2016 13:57

Our whole family uses Flikr to share pictures. So if one of my sisters goes for a day out she might upload pictures to Flikr and we can all see them.

If my parents liked one of these they might well print it out.

I'm not sure that what your mil is doing is any different really.

If you share your pictures online you are sharing them with the world.

AnUtterIdiot · 14/01/2016 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/01/2016 14:02

I don't think it's strange.

Straycatblue · 14/01/2016 14:03

I think you are reading too much into it, she probably has no idea how facebook works and that she can even request you as a friend.
Perhaps she clicked on the photo with the godfather and from that clicked onto your account which wasnt private saw photos of her grandaughter and saved them. I dont think there is anything weird with that.

She obviously loves her grandaughter very much and just wants to have photos of her like any proud grandmother would. Maybe she has tried to take nice photos herself and they havent worked and your photos are nicer.

It seems very sad to me that you are happy for all your facebook friends who are presumably not close family to be able to see photos of your grandaughter but you have now changed your privacy settings specifically because you do not want your mother in law to see photos of her grandaughter.

IcecreamBus · 14/01/2016 14:03

I've filtered who can see them now after MiL's boyfriend (who I added to be polite but don't know from Adam) lifted them and made MiL a collage from all my baby pics as a gift. Bearing in mind we live three hours away from everyone in both families, I share them so close family can see. I was not impressed when we turned up and saw it on the wall. He didn't even ask me! Now ONLY close family can see them and I've made it clear that if they want to use them, they need to ask me first.

Leelu6 · 14/01/2016 14:04

I don't think it's strange. The fact that she showed them to you so nonchalantly suggests she didn't think about it apart from them being photos of her dgd.

They're photos of her beloved granddaughter, what's strange about saving them? The godfather's profile would have come up as a suggested friend to your MIL, so not strange either.

It's strange that she hasn't added you to fb. Maybe she doesn't want you to feel obliged to accept her friend request? I would add her on fb, as she sounds like alright?

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Hihohoho1 · 14/01/2016 14:07

Can't imagine why on earth you would think this was odd or wierd.

They are photos of her family.

Icecream would think that was a nice thing to do actually.

You know you choose to put kids photos on the internet they are not private any more. If you want private get a photo album.

MiddleClassProblem · 14/01/2016 14:07

Wow IcecreamBus. Isn't nice MIL was given a college of her Gd and put up for all to see?

Nyborg · 14/01/2016 14:09

I have every photo of my DS that exists on a single Flickr page and both of his grannies have a link to it on their iPads. They both show it to all of their pals (whether or not the pals want to look at endless photos of him on the swings, eating peas, or colouring in). I think it's just a granny thing and it doesn't worry me at all.

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