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To feel really anxious about this evening out???

(12 Posts)
whyistherumgone Thu 14-Jan-16 10:50:57

Wasn't sure if here or Mental Health was the right place for this, so apologies if it should be elsewhere.

I'm quite an anxious person, try to keep a lid on it most of the time but sometimes it just takes control without me realising. I think today is one of those times and because I work from home, I'm alone with my thoughts which always makes it worse so thought I'd post here to see if there are any willing volunteers who will (hopefully nicely) slap some sense into me.

I'm out tonight at a dance performance at a well known theatre. I've been looking forward to it since before Christmas but now it's here I'm really really anxious about it. I keep looking at the seating plans and wondering how I would get out if something happened, even though I'm not quite sure what that something is - I can't seem to pinpoint what it is I'm afraid of - terrorism? Fire? I can't put my finger on it. I'm trying to tell myself that statistically the likelihood of anything happening is very very low and that I should just go and enjoy it but I can't seem to shake it off.

Does anyone else ever experience things like this? How do you get past them? I don't want to spend the whole evening worrying about this indistinct 'threat' that I'm so anxious about - I genuinely don't know where it's sprung up from, I've been doing really well lately in terms of not letting anxiety get the better of me.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Thu 14-Jan-16 10:56:21

I don't blame you, I have stopped going out in central London so much recently for this

so whilst your anxiety is controlling you, its not entirely unreasonable given recent events OP

I do sympathise, I am going to cancel a day out sat that involved 2 hours of motorway driving, I have decided that the pay off is NOT worth the stress of the journey

haha I am not the right person as I will be seen as "enabling" your anxiety

question, will you be OK when you get there and get into the whole event, or will it ruin your evening?

Anxiety is a bitch, AND we are in quite scary times

MuttonDressedAsMutton Thu 14-Jan-16 11:05:12

The thing is, OP, that if it is terrorism you're worried about that could strike anywhere and at any time and on that basis you cannot give up living. OK, you're safe from that at home but staying home forever isn't the answer.

Every time we go out we're at risk from something - runaway cars, lunatics, freak of nature events and the like so perhaps a quiet word with yourself in a calm setting (comfy chair, cup of tea etc) and realise that the whole of life is a risk. We none of us know what's round the corner so to spend all of it fretting about what might be is a waste of a short and precious life.
Anxiety IS a bitch but you have within yourself the power to at least talk it down a bit. Go to your event and I think you'll be very pleased you did.

whyistherumgone Thu 14-Jan-16 11:06:58

Thanks for your post - it's made me feel less insane for feeling like this.

It depends re enjoying the night out it can go either way for me. Often depends on who I'm with as well. Tonight I'm with a good friend who I think will distract me from my worries and, on a practical note, our seats are very close to an exit which has given me some small piece of mind.

I know what you mean about travelling, I get this a lot and have cancelled in the past - and not all related to recent events. I think recent events have probably just triggered my anxiety again - I did see about the attack on Jakarta this morning and wonder if this is what has done it.

Sometimes I just get the overriding gloom that the world is only going to get worse and then I feel anxious about everything. I'm trying to grapple with it today, keep myself calm and think about how much I wanted to see the show - I wouldn't have booked it otherwise.

whyistherumgone Thu 14-Jan-16 11:08:00

Thank you mutton that's a good, sensible and practical way of looking at it.
I think home working doesn't help when I'm in one of these moods - when I was in an office I'd be distracted by people/things around me, whereas at home I have too much time alone to dwell on things!

GruntledOne Thu 14-Jan-16 11:32:40

OP, get your head down and concentrate on your work. I'm not actually sure that posting on here is a brilliant idea as it's making you think about this.

Really, there is every reason to believe it'll be absolutely fine, especially if you're with a good friend. I've been to the theatre in London twice in the last fortnight, nothing untoward happened and I had a great time. I did the same the weekend after the Paris bombings, with the same result. Just go for it!

lorelei9 Thu 14-Jan-16 11:35:01

I hope I've interpreted your post correctly, if not, just ignore me.

I know when I worry about things, it's often the associated unpleasantness that worries me. I live in London, always have. I never think "what if I die in a terrorist attack" because hey, I'll be dead.

I do think "what if I'm stuck in a crowd and there's a problem". So I don't go to places like Wembley Arena any more because, let's say there was just a problem with the exits, the actual fact of being stuck in a crowd, even with no danger, scares me. I don't go on protests for similar reasons. My nerves are shredded in any kind of crowd.

I tried hard to unpack this because I also don't like travel generally and used to say "it makes me anxious". Now I realise that anxiety is linked to being stuck in a situation that I find highly unpleasant. I was stuck at an airport for five hours once - I realise this happens to people all the time but for me the payoff is not worth it, especially if it was just for having a long weekend in Edinburgh or something.

it annoys friends and family, frankly, that I don't travel. I am actually going on my first holiday in years in a month and I haven't told them, but I've made a big effort for it because it's quite possible it's the last time I'll bother going abroad.

I've been in hospitals abroad and yes, treatment was fine, I was fine, everything turned out fine - but it's just so horrible (well hospitals and being ill anywhere are horrible but if you are nowhere near home, for me, even worse).

so many numpties people have said to me "don't let this put you off going abroad" but for me, it is not worth the unpleasantness and anxiety - that's before I even mention money.

so while I don't want to be seen as enabling your anxiety, is it anxiety? If you were saying "I refuse to leave the house ever again" and lost all your friendships as a result, I would be concerned. But if there are particular things that you find so horrible when they go wrong, you'd rather not do them - is that anxiety or is it just a way of asking yourself whether you are happy to do it?

lorelei9 Thu 14-Jan-16 11:36:22

PS I mean I haven't told the people I'm travelling with that I probably won't go away again - so my "effort" is that it is the last group holiday we will have, unless you count going to Brighton or something!

lorelei9 Thu 14-Jan-16 11:38:34

PPS I'm at a show tomorrow night but I'm in central London at least 3 days a week - used to be 5 till I managed to snag some home working.

but if you really felt it would ruin your night to worry about it, I don't know what I'd say.

whyistherumgone Fri 15-Jan-16 11:59:45

Just wanted to say thanks, I read your replies, took Gruntled's advice and came off mumsnet, cracked on with work, went for a run and felt a lot better. I went out to the show and thoroughly enjoyed myself smile

Anxiety is a real bastard sometimes but I'm slowly getting better at dealing with it as and when it flares up.

GruntledOne Fri 15-Jan-16 16:14:35

Fantastic, OP! I'm really glad you enjoyed the show. And maybe it'll help next time round that you've done so well this time?

whyistherumgone Mon 18-Jan-16 22:15:19

Thanks Gruntled and yes, I shall think about this next time and hopefully it will make me feel a lot better smile

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