I have never ever posted in AIBU but i really dont want this to disappear into chat incase that it ever helps someone else in my position ( as i think that chat is for 30 days only ) so i am posting here for traffic really as i feel so lost.
I've been trying to articulate into words the things that i want to say. i have been a member on here since 2008 always had this user name and this is probably the first time that i have really asked for help.
My DD came out as gay when she was 16 ( 4 years ago ) we were a little shocked ( i dont know why ) but i have 5 children and we are a close knit family and were so supportive of her because like all parents we just wanted her to be happy. She has had a couple of gf's and we have been pretty laid back in terms of the dynamics of my family ( 3 dd's 18, 20,23 and two DS's 3 and 6 ) and been really positive about it all.
She told me just before Christmas that she was depressed and felt really anxious, i was really surprised at this because i had always thought that she was pretty sorted mentally.
I reassured her that whatever what bothering her and whatever she needed to talk about i would be here for her however her older sister came to me in tears 4 days ago and said that she had something to tell me about her sister and it was pretty life changing. She told me that her sister wanted to not be female anymore and that she wanted to begin to transition into a man. Anyway i had a long chat with DD2 and she said that the reason for her anxiety and depression was that she had been struggling for two or three years with the fact that she wasnt happy in her body and that she had though about suicide a couple of times because she didnt think that we would be able to accept it. I have to tell the truth here and i am very ashamed but i did say to her once not long after she came out that i could cope with her being gay but i didnt know how i would be able to cope if she wanted to change gender ( in my ignorance )
In all honesty when i was told this all i could do was be thankful and relieved about that she had told me and it was a huge weight off her shoulders , i said i would be with her/him every step of the way and that there was nothing to be afraid of as she/he would have the full backing of her family and i mean every word of it.
This is a selfish thread as its all about me and how much i am struggling with this. She/he asked me to give them their new male name ... how do i do that? I have cried in private for days and nights about this because i dont actually want to - i love her name, i love the beautiful baby girl that i raised for 20 years and i am going to miss her so much. I know that in essence she/he will be the same person i know that and i know that i am very lucky as apparently my recent reading material tells me that one in every two transgender people attempt suicide - i hope and pray that is never my child.
I suppose i need to see it all written down so that i can come to terms with it and accept it. I am committed to going to the gender clinic and all of the appointments. He told me that he has some great you tube videos to show me about transitioning but really can i be honest? Its only been three days, i am struggling so much with fear. I am scared that she will be beaten up by men who think she is a tiny or abnormal male ( she is 5.2 with tiny hands ) when she takes hormones she will grow hair and get an adams apple and a deep voice not to mention the surgery that she wants - i want her to be treated like a man for her sake but i am scared for her.
I am scared that my ds's will get bullied as they are only 3 and 7 and kids are so cruel. I honestly dont know where to start in telling my 7 year old that his sister in two weeks will want to become known as his brother ... can anyone who has been through this recommend a book or a help line ... anything to hep us please?
I wont bang on about how upset i am because when all is said and done her/his happiness is all that is important, i just wish i knew where to start because this is going to happen to us as a family and it is going to be life changing and that is fine i just wish i had some help dealing with it. Please be kind, its hard to describe that you are in pieces whilst at the same time feel pride and admiration for that person but not for yourself.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
My DD 20 came out as trans - I am desperate to feel happy but feel so sad.
74 replies
rosieposey · 13/01/2016 01:30
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.