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To not be excited and happy about DH's surprise?

(151 Posts)
EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 12-Jan-16 22:28:12

I think I might be being quite unreasonable and a bit ungrateful about this, so please give me your opinions. Our relatively new, very quiet au pair has a birthday this weekend. DH told me today he has booked a meal for two at a posh restaurant for lunch, and I am taking her. I am an introvert, I enjoy time with close friends and am fine with people who like to talk - our au pair is lovely but also an introvert, and quite self contained. I am rather daunted by the prospect of spending several hours making conversation with her one to one, without even the DCs to focus attention on. DH is now pissed off that I'm not more appreciative of the nice surprise he planned. AIBU? If so, any tips on how to relax and make it a nice experience for lovely au pair?

BicycleMadeForTwo Tue 12-Jan-16 22:29:54

Can she take a friend instead of you?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 12-Jan-16 22:30:00

Drink quite a lot of wine!

Have a glass of champagne with au pair, DH etc before you leave (in a taxi obvs)

BestZebbie Tue 12-Jan-16 22:30:25

Give her both places and some notice, so that she can take a friend?

ChicagoMD Tue 12-Jan-16 22:30:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tethersend Tue 12-Jan-16 22:32:29

Does she know about it yet?

If not, cancel the booking. Or change it to lunch for all of you. Or just buy her something nice.

ShowYourSeams Tue 12-Jan-16 22:32:55

You might find you have more in common than you thought. Have a couple of drinks, relax, talk about your DC if it breaks the ice, but enjoy the experience of potentially making a new friend.

YANBU to be a bit daunted, but you WBU to not make the most of what will probably be a lovely time, especially if there's good food on offer.

NellyTimes Tue 12-Jan-16 22:35:00

So for her birthday he's booked her a meal with her boss? Why would anybody want to do that?

BYOSnowman Tue 12-Jan-16 22:35:06

No offence, but having a posh meal with my boss as a birthday treat wouldn't be top of my list!!

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 12-Jan-16 22:38:11

Thank you for your comments, and for being gentle with my social inadequacy! She is going out with an au pair group in the evening, no very close friends as she hasn't been here long. So I think it's me going. I like the idea of a glass or several of wine for Dutch courage, think I will take that up, I am generally more relaxed and chatty after wine

moreshitandnofuckingredemption Tue 12-Jan-16 22:38:44

what tethers said. If I could get out of it, I would. Sounds like she might not enjoy it either tbh. V presumptuous of your DH too.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 12-Jan-16 22:39:35

Oh no now those last comments have made me cringe inside again. I would much prefer to give her some vouchers.

BYOSnowman Tue 12-Jan-16 22:40:38

Does the au pair know?

Sure dh's heart was in the right place but that doesn't change the fact it was a stupid idea!!

Does the au pair want to be your friend or is she happy with an employer/employee relationship? This could freak her out!!

bumbleymummy Tue 12-Jan-16 22:41:25

Oh, don't cringe. I actually really like my boss and would happily go for lunch and chat away smile Wine sounds like a great idea! 🍷

BYOSnowman Tue 12-Jan-16 22:41:56

I think she would prefer vouchers!

Please, next birthday book your dh a table for two and invite your postman or his boss. See if he likes it!!

flashheartscanoe Tue 12-Jan-16 22:42:23

Does nobody else think this is wierd?
I would be furious if DH organised my time for me like this. He's telling you you have to take your au pair out to lunch without asking you? This is very odd and your are not BU to not be excited.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 12-Jan-16 22:43:18

She shows no real signs of wanting friendship, she prefers to spend free time in her room or out with au pair groups. Yes, heart in the right place, as ever. But yes, presumptuous and I'm left feeling bad for not being grateful for something I didn't really want.

BYOSnowman Tue 12-Jan-16 22:44:21

That's not kind of him really. It would be kind of he accepted it was a mistake and cancelled booking and let you get the vouchers instead. It is not kind to make you feel guilty.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 12-Jan-16 22:45:10

grin at BYOSnowman. A meal for DH with his boss (lovely woman but makes me look gregarious) would be a perfect response.

honeyroar Tue 12-Jan-16 22:45:35

I think it's a strange present. I could perhaps understand it if she didn't know anyone, but you said she's going out later with friends. In that case I'd have thought a meal out with you as a family would have been more suitable, or an actual present.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Tue 12-Jan-16 22:50:04

Gawd - I'd be furious if DH made a social arrangement for me like that, without consulting me! In fact, I'm a bit iffy about him even 'suggesting' I do this or that - I say to him 'I can arrange my own social life, thank you'.

I think that's a really weird thing for your DH to do - she'd probably prefer perfume. grin

SolidGoldBrass Tue 12-Jan-16 22:50:56

Does he often do stuff like this? It's very presumptuous to make plans for other adults without consulting them, and to expect you to be grateful for something that you are going to find difficult (and by the sound of it the au pair is going to find it difficult as well) is odd as well. It's as though he's got this idea of himself as Wonderful Generous Man who's so nice to women, untroubled by anything so complex as asking them what they really want.

peppielillyan Tue 12-Jan-16 22:51:03

at least on her b-day, giver her a break from your presence.........

Backingvocals Tue 12-Jan-16 22:51:46

Oh dear. Very odd. Who is this supposed to be fun for?

EElisavetaOfBelsornia Tue 12-Jan-16 22:52:22

We had discussed doing something as a family, I thought the DCs would like to give her a present (and have cake). I think DH was looking at restaurants that cater for her particular dietary preferences, found this posh place and got excited and booked it. His thought process will have been: not a place to take DCs, so someone has to do childcare, it would be weird or even weirder for DH to take her, so I know, EE can go. And that's a nice thing for her too.

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