To sit back and let friend's kids talk to her rudely.

[MsColouring]

I am becoming more and more shocked at how my friend's children talk to her. Unfortunately, she doesn't reprimand them for it so it continues. We share school runs so we have a lot to do with them and when they are in our house me and dp will pull them up on rudeness to each other or my dc - they don't speak to us the way they do to their parents.
I have spoken up in the past but am taking a step back now as I think that it is up to them to set their own boundaries. But it does upset me to see her being spoken to in that way.
AIBU to keep quiet?

[Dundee86]

Not a lot you can do really - neither side will look kindly on you criticising their ways.

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

Nah, let her parent her own way.

[whaleshark]

I wouldn't pull the children up on it, but if she is a good friend I'd try to get her by herself for a minute at some point and speak to her about it. Does she have a partner who speaks to her in a similar way?

[echt]

You have to let this one go.

On the other hand, I did once pull up a pupil for being rude to their parent during our meeting at a parents' evening. I felt utterly justified as they were on official business.

Their faces, though!!

[MsColouring]

Whaleshark - yes she does.

[pictish]

No...don't say it. You're right, but don't say it. If she asks then fair enough, but otherwise no.

[echt]

Whaleshark - yes she does.

There's your answer, sadly.

[MatildaTheCat]

How old are they? My nephew and niece are very lacking in manners mostly sometimes and I do correct them. I hope my SIL doesn't mind. They are 6&8. They know I am quite firm. Funnily enough I once asked if I was strict and they laughed and said no. I am quite strict.

So yes, I might say something but I would check with their mum that she was ok with it. It takes a village and all that.

[MrsJayy]

I pulled up a relative8s child for being rude it didnt end well i was told to mind my own by mum so never said anything again kids are young adults now still disrespectful but itsbanter according to mum.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Another one with an allergy and phobia to disciplining her little poppets.
Let her get in with it. It's her problem in 10 years when they're giving her a dog's life.

[jillyarmeen16]

If you think it will damage the relationship then leave it.
Personally I would and have said something in similar circumstances. One of my good friends children who happens to be my cousin, was being really not very nice and I pulled him up on it in front of friend I hope she didn't mind and I wouldn't mind if a good friend of mine felt the need to pull my ds up either.
I wouldn't stand and let anyone else rip one of my friends to shreds with a dumb look on my face so why should kids get away with it.
If her dp speaks to her like crap it's no surprise kids are learning to also.

[notquiteruralbliss]

Leave it. All families are different. What you perceive as rude may be seen as absolutely fine by your friend. If she was unhappy with her DCs behaviour, she would have done something to change it. My DCs are pretty blunt. They certainly don't defer to adults simply because they are adults and I wouldn't want them to. If a friend dared to pull them up on the way they speak to me, I would be deeply unimpressed.

[whaleshark]

Thought she might have unfortunately. I'd just be there to support her, and avoid doing anything that will alienate her.

[Mmmmcake123]

I wouldn't pull them up on it in a bossy way and on the whole I would stay out of it. However, it depends on the mum. Some people are dragged down by it and want someone to intervene, but others are happy as it is. If dp speaks to her in same way they could all end up wondering 'who does she think she is?', which could backfire. On occasion if there was opportunity, I might say things in a semi banter style, e.g. 'who's rattled your cage? that wasn't a very nice thing to say', but with a smile. Definitely keep to a minimum tho.