To think of having DC3 and get done with it?(16 Posts)
I am very confused. Had two c sections (last one being 14 months ago) and have two under 3. I want to go back to work at least part time but DC1 won't be to school till 2017 September (born jan2013). I faced a high risk second pregnancy and don't feel up to another baby tbh. But I am thinking what the heck! We can't afford child care even if I work full time and I am not eligible for free nursery options introduced by the government. AIBU o think I should have the third child we want just now and get done with it. I am worried for the c section issue (told to try next after 2 years so 10 months in that yet. But has anyone does something like this ? I could go back to work full time and will never need a maternity leave again. Won't have to break career again either. Just to explain, we have time before fertility is an issue. But DH badly wants three kids(me too) and I can't face up to one more career break. Help me decide please!!!
You don't sound as if you really want another one right now so on that basis I'd say YABU
I really would like to if it was not for the bloody c section. But I am in half a mind now. Love my work and want a third one too. My main hesitation is the c section issue. 10 months here or there. What to do ?
When I said I could go back to work and never need maternity leave again, I meant if I have DC3 now and have this extended absence from work to have three kids. Then back forever !
I would ask you both why it is so important to have a third child, you are using expressions like 'don't feel up to another baby', 'get done with it' etc - maybe it is just poor phrasing but it doesn't sound (to me) the way to talk about bringing another child into the world.
Why is 'three children' such a deal to you ?
Who told you to wait two years? Could you make an appointment with gp to discuss this (he/she might refer you on) to see if you have healed sufficiently to try sooner.
If you can't afford childcare for two you certainly can't for three though! What is your plan re staying at home/work if you stick at 2, and what would it be if you (are lucky enough to) have a third right now?
We have wanted a bigger family than two kids. But lack of resources is our main concern. And I miss my job. To top it all, you can't have more than three c sections. Plus now that he DC2 is getting older (read wriggling out of cuddles), I am already bit dreaming of one more tiny body growing inside of me. But to be honest, if we could have money, we would choose to wait couple years and the. Try. But right now, this seems better. Hence the hesitation is so obvious. I hated both pregnancies tbh until I felt them kicking. That's when I fell head over heels with both DCs. Until then, my pregnancies were terrible. I sl love how DCs are enjoying together now. It will be lovely to have them close together. I have started to sleep nearly all night and probably can get bit more sleep before a DC3 is on the horizon (if we try right away). But what about the c section issue. hopefully now you can see why I am so confused . DH loves large families and does not mind me not working if I don't want so no pressure from there. He will always prefer my health and has left it all on me but I can't decide.
I've had WAY more than 3 sections without a hitch. Not meaning to sound flippant btw, just stating my own experiences.
Iggi , the referral to check scar is a good idea. Thanks.
I am working a bit from home and hoping to establish something in a year time so I will be able to hopefully afford child care in a year or so as the things are going. If that happens, DH soar he could quit job to work from home so I could go back to work (which will be enough money to run the household till all DCs go to school)!
Cherrypez , did you face trouble with the scar tissue? Any long term problems (I hope not)?
No problems at all, although, during C section 4 the surgeon literally cut the scar tissue off, slung it in a bucket and said 'let's give you a fresh one'! That same surgeon told me that modern surgery and bikini line scars mean the old '3 sections' rule no longer applies. My consultant for the last one was not quite so blase however! I've been sterilised now, during my last section (number 7!). If you want three kids and can afford them and cope with them, go for it. There is another poster on here who has had 7 sections too, and we've chatted via pm...she also has had no problems.
I had two sections very close together. Planned - just over a year. Was fine
I think you should only plan a baby if both parents really want one. Your issues are all practical, but I would hate to have been born so my mother could "get done with it" rather than being wanted! You don't have to have 3 kids just because you said you wanted 3 ages ago.
Even if it was in your life plan to have more than 2 kids, you don't have to! IMO you should make the decision first before considering the timing and at the moment it sounds like you're not that keen. That's allowed! If you stick with 2 kids you'll have "got it done with" already!
I can see why if you're certain you desperately want and have a burning desire for a third baby in their own right now, you wouldn't want to wait though. We have ended up with a closer gap than we'd have chosen in an ideal world but we decided we'd rather have a much wanted third baby at slightly the wrong time, than risk not having the baby.
Also, my mum had 3 sections in 5 years and was never told she couldn't have another.
You can have more than three sections. You'll be at a slightly higher risk of a few things but should be ok.
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