... when a family member copies your engagement ring

(94 Posts)
Neveradullm0ment Mon 11-Jan-16 10:48:15

Had mine several years. Relative rocks up at Christmas, says she has always liked my ring. She got engaged in the summer and her ring is exactly the same as mine, except it's about twice the size. I said how nice it was (being polite - but was mortified). My ring is antique so slightly unusual - and she had hers made. Now I'm now a jewellery person - I even gave up wearing earrings after DD2, and myt sister has a huge engagement ring so I'm not envious at all. So can someone tell me why am I annoyed/angry about this,it's my DSIL, DH's sister. My ring was chosen by my DD1 - we got engaged when she was 2 years old and DH took her to the jewellers. Maybe that's why I'm annoyed. I'm not going to say anything except rant here!

JenEric Mon 11-Jan-16 10:54:55

I think it's very very sad. There are so many choices for rings but to have one specially made to look EXACTLY like your SILs? Total twat behaviour tbh. It is also pointless as it will never hold the significance it does for you. Clearly no thought by her partner was involved and there will be no special story or significance (which is half the point of an engagement ring to me) It will always just be a piss poor attempt to "one up" you by getting a bigger version made. Think of that when you see it. She clearly has no thought of her own and is just wearing a piss poor copy of someone elses story.

ovenchips Mon 11-Jan-16 10:58:52

Ooh. That would grate immensely.

I guess the only positive thing you can say about it is that imitation is sincerest form of flattery. She must have adored your ring to copy it.

It would still grate immensely though.

Kettlebettle Mon 11-Jan-16 11:00:10

My SIL did this! My DH had a beautiful ring made for our one year anniversary as I never had an engagement ring (not enough cash.) She asked me to take it off so she could have a better look at it the first time she saw it and when we saw them a few months later was showing off her new ring without any acknowledgement that it was identical to mine but with larger stones!

MsJamieFraser Mon 11-Jan-16 11:01:11

It's really a non issue for me.

Kettlebettle Mon 11-Jan-16 11:01:14

She's also my DH's sister!

WorraLiberty Mon 11-Jan-16 11:04:03

It wouldn't be an issue for me either.

I've worked in 3 jewellers over the years, that sold both second hand and brand new jewellery.

After a while, I realised that even unique jewellery can look almost exactly the same as other unique jewellery.

There are only so many styles of engagement rings, they can come up with.

ghostyslovesheep Mon 11-Jan-16 11:04:40

I wouldn't be that bothered - it's flattering surely?

only you and her will know - I can't be the only person who doesn't take a blind bit of notice of other peoples rings - let alone compare them!

user7755 Mon 11-Jan-16 11:04:55

Could you see it as flattering?

Anyone you can feel superior because
a) you had yours first
b) its a proper antique
c) you haven't gone over the top with the bling

user7755 Mon 11-Jan-16 11:05:21

That should say anyway not anyone

NinaSimoneful Mon 11-Jan-16 11:05:44

It's a bit pathetic of her really. Would she not want her own ring rather than copying someone else's?

skippy67 Mon 11-Jan-16 11:06:06

Wouldn't bother me at all. I'd think she was a saddo, but it wouldn't upset me.

RoganJosh Mon 11-Jan-16 11:06:38

I can see why you're upset, but in sure no one else will thing anything of it.
(You say you're mortified, I don't understand why you're embarrassed about it?)

user7755 Mon 11-Jan-16 11:07:10

i'm glad other people have said that it wouldn't bother them, it wouldn't me either but I have a habit of saying things like that on mumsnet and people thinking that I'm being disingenuous so I don't do it as much now.

WorraLiberty Mon 11-Jan-16 11:08:43

You should say what you feel user

No-one can type you to death for it grin

OnlyLovers Mon 11-Jan-16 11:09:44

I think YAB a bit U. She just really likes it. Maybe she's looked for ages but not found another one she loves as much.

ScrambledSmegs Mon 11-Jan-16 11:12:02

grin Imitation is apparently the sincerest form of flattery apparently.

Actually, some friends did something very similar. It was quite funny hearing her tell me all about how they'd gone to the exact same antique shop, fallen for the exact same ring as me, and decided to get it copied but with certain changes to the style that were exactly the same as the ones I'd had done. The guy that made both our rings must have had the weirdest sense of deja vu when they brought in the pictures! He'd only made mine a couple of years beforehand.

I said nothing. She didn't do it maliciously or even consciously, I think, and her ring is lovely. Just like mine grin

DangerMouth Mon 11-Jan-16 11:12:06

My cousin and l have very similar rings but we got engaged very close together and hadn't seen each other's rings. Our rings aren't even the popular choice so bizarre we should both choose it! Her diamonds are also bigger and it's white gold.

i think I'd be annoyed if she'd copied me (l got engaged first) but l think we've both got good taste smile

Did you say oh wow that looks so like mine?

ScrambledSmegs Mon 11-Jan-16 11:13:10

Sorry, rogue apparently there.

scarlets Mon 11-Jan-16 11:14:01

It wouldn't bother me at all, but that doesn't mean that I think Yabu.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated Mon 11-Jan-16 11:16:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglesrock Mon 11-Jan-16 11:16:59

I'm sorry, but I really don't see the issue at all. I couldn't tell you what my sister, sister in laws, best friends engagement rings look like. They could all look like mine. In fact I think my mums is a bigger version of mine. Do you see her often? Are you worried other people are going to comment?

I just don't get exclusivity with regards to jewellery, clothes, baby names etc. I could see a small point if you were sitting beside each other every day at work. I was wearing a necklace at the weekend, two separate people asked me where I got it, I told them it was on offer at the minute and to get it ordered while there was a discount, it didn't occur to me to be slightly put out that they might wear something similar to me.

BarbarianMum Mon 11-Jan-16 11:17:09

It wouldn't bother me - partly cause my ring isn't particularly unique anyway but mostly because what makes my ring special is that dh gave it to me. But I don't really notice other people's engagement rings much tbh.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 11-Jan-16 11:19:02

It wouldn't bother me. It doesn't sound like you see your relative too much and there are probably thousands of other engagement rings in the world similar to yours anyway.

MoMoTy Mon 11-Jan-16 11:19:50

Yabu, she clearly loves it enough to want the exact same one. My sister loves my ring, I gave her all the details of the Jeweller Dh used. I don't care that she loves mine and wants one similar, why would I?

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