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When I'm invited over to visit a family but someone in the house gets sick, AIBU to wish they would just cancel or at least warn me before I turn up?

(22 Posts)
CakeFail Mon 11-Jan-16 08:09:36

I don't mean a cough or cold, I mean vomiting, diarrhoea or proper shivery, high temperature flu.

This happens to me so much with one particular family. I have requested very politely that they warn me in future, but they don't. I think they also now think I'm really precious and a bit mad for asking as I get the odd snarky comment when we visit. Just wondering if IABU (or precious and a bit mad).

pasturesgreen Mon 11-Jan-16 08:12:08

You most definitely are not BU!!

Next time just turn around and leave there and then!

CakeFail Mon 11-Jan-16 08:21:38

Thanks pastures. Glad I'm not being a total nut about this as at least one other person agrees with me haha!

I do try to leave (politely) as soon as I realise, but they tend not to mention it till they absolutely have to (eg their 7yo DD being handed a bowl to be sick in or the Mum shivering uncontrollably on the sofa and asking someone to please bring her Day Nurse. It's annoying as when something like that happens it is news to me, but I can tell from the way the conversation goes that everyone in the family already knows they are sick). It also annoys them a bit I think when we leave. Obviously I don't want any of my family to get sick but it's also that I feel so sorry for the poor buggar who has to put on a brave face and pretend to be healthy during the visit.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Mon 11-Jan-16 08:22:15

YANBU. You're not precious at all. Why would they want to risk infecting others? Also it can't be very pleasant to try and socialise when feeling that grim confused

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Mon 11-Jan-16 08:25:30

Maybe you could make a point of calling them before you set off to ask if any of them are sick.

CakeFail Mon 11-Jan-16 08:27:26

I might do that what. They'll probably think I'm weird for it but there you are.

Jinglebells99 Mon 11-Jan-16 08:31:25

The same with going to a group and the person next to you tells you how ill they are, and how everyone in their family is ill too. So why come out and spread your germs?!

CakeFail Mon 11-Jan-16 08:38:41

YY jingle! It's probably worse if you're hosting a sick person, as telling them to leave is much harder to do politely than leaving I'd imagine!

Bubbletree4 Mon 11-Jan-16 08:49:14

Weirdos. Why do you bother keeping in contact with such idiots?

CakeFail Mon 11-Jan-16 09:06:47

bubble, they're very old friends. I've known them for years and my DH has known the Dad for decades. We watch each other's DC and do Xmas presents for each other. They are very decent people - the virus spreading is usually limited to winter so maybe I'll just avoid them till spring... That would be difficult though as we see them a lot.

GloGirl Mon 11-Jan-16 09:10:54

"Hi, just checking everything is still ok for me to pop round today? No one sick or germy"

"Everyone's fine! Well, baby Jane has the sniffles but it's only a small cold"

"Poor you. Understand it's probably only the sniffles nothing major but I'd really rather avoid getting sick at the moment. Shall we rearrange for next week? Bye!"

They'll get the point.

MimsyBorogroves Mon 11-Jan-16 09:12:46

We used to have this. Turned up at someone's house on 2 separate occasions with baby DS2 to find the children had norovirus. Sick buckets everywhere and, at one point, a soiled nappy on the mat where I was expected to change DS2.

We moved, we don't have that problem now grin

CakeFail Mon 11-Jan-16 09:15:59

I do like the phoning ahead idea. Might instigate that for next visit. Thanks!

seastargirl Mon 11-Jan-16 09:19:29

Yadnbu in my opinion. We had this at Christmas when people coming round to us had kids sick with croup. We decided we couldn't risk our kids getting it and now no one is talking to us as we ruined Christmas. So just a heads up that although it's perfectly sensible to avoid germs not everyone thinks so and it may not be well received!

notenoughbottle Mon 11-Jan-16 09:22:58

YANBU! I hate people who do this. I've known several over the years and one actively doesn't tell me now until she's actually met with me as she knows I'd cancel otherwise. I've just been looking after my very poorly dd for the last week due to something similar to this!

SuckingEggs Mon 11-Jan-16 09:24:54

Yanbu. People like that are selfish twats.

Youcantmoancanyou Mon 11-Jan-16 09:26:50

People can be really thoughtless and selfish about spreading illness. Those of us who have shit immune systems don't register, it seems. A friend of mine made it clear she thought I was being ridiculous when I objected to catching yet another bloody cold/flu/tonsillitis from her (over the course of years, not all at once). So I told her she obviously wasn't actually a friend at all. She soon saw my side. If she hadn't I'd have told her to stuff it. And sent her my bloody medical bills.

CwtchMeQuick Mon 11-Jan-16 09:27:56

Went out for lunch yesterday for my sisters birthday, about half way through the meal my other sister starts looking really unwell. Turns out she's been ill with flu for a week and now thinks she's getting tonsillitis. If I'd had my car there I would've left I was so pissed off. They're aware that I have no help with DS if one of us is ill and I can't afford to take time off, and to make things worse I have two really important exams next week that I can't miss. It's just thoughtless but everyone else seemed to think it was okay because we weren't sat next to her hmm

Karoleann Mon 11-Jan-16 09:52:25

One if my good friends also has form for bringing sick children round. I do now have to ask her each time if either of the children are sick as in the last 9 years she's given us all some sick bug, horrible cold/chest infection (over Christmas) and scarlet fever.

LadyLuck81 Mon 11-Jan-16 10:01:36

Not at all unreasonable. I always text ahead whether having guests round or visiting if we have even a cold to give people the choice to back out. It's only fair.

pluck Mon 11-Jan-16 12:14:13


In "The Mirror Crack'd," the murder is revenge for a case of rubella/ German measles given to a pregnant woman...

Now, although of course murder isn't good or reasonable, it was considered a plausible motive!

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Mon 11-Jan-16 12:43:12

CakeFail yes, they might think you are a bit weird. But at least it would save you a wasted journey, assuming they are honest. It might also make them think about being more considerate about germs in general. I'm sure you're not the only person who has visited to find they are ill.

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