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to not take the kids to family meal

(68 Posts)
supermariossister Sun 10-Jan-16 21:16:35

Family meal to celebrate occasion but not one they will be particularly interested In, place has a play area and other kids are going but our dc too old for the play area but will get very bored with the sit down conversation. Feel a but guilty that their cousins will be going but can see it being a night of complaining from ds and ss and sd. Wibu to go with dp and them not come. Struggling with anxiety at the moment and worry that dps family will think im awful.

NerrSnerr Sun 10-Jan-16 21:22:08

How old are they? What is the occasion?

titchy Sun 10-Jan-16 21:23:05

Depends on the occasion tbh. 50th anniversary - yes they should suck it up. 43rd birthday - nah wouldn't sweat it.

edwinbear Sun 10-Jan-16 21:24:35

I'm not a fan of tablets etc at the table ordinarily, but I think situations like this call for Ipad's or equivalent to be brought out after the main course.

supermariossister Sun 10-Jan-16 21:24:41

It's an engagement meal. They are 8 11 and 13. Think 13 year old may enjoy it the other two I think would be very bored.

calzone Sun 10-Jan-16 21:27:05

I think they should go so they can see their cousins but would definitely take tablets or iPads for them.

StellaAlpina Sun 10-Jan-16 21:27:37

How old are thier cousins, I always liked getting to see my cousins. Tbh I think i'd make them go anyway for an engagement meal.

TrinityForce Sun 10-Jan-16 21:28:08

yep, agree with tablets or whatever to keep them entertained!

I'd take them, wouldn't want to leave them out if their cousins are going.

NerrSnerr Sun 10-Jan-16 21:29:07

I think they should go, they might enjoy it once they're there.

Nanny0gg Sun 10-Jan-16 21:29:10

I don't mind tablets if it's just an ordinary meal out, but I think a special occasion with children of that age (they're not toddlers), it's not appropriate.

They will have cousins and other family to talk to. I really think they're old enough to cope.

supermariossister Sun 10-Jan-16 21:30:16

Cousins are either teenage or very small the very small people will be allowed into the play area so I suppose won't be around much. Glad to see people think the tablets wouldn't be a problem if they were quiet.

MrsJayy Sun 10-Jan-16 21:34:13

I think they should go too just because they might be a bit bored is no reason to opt out its a meal how bad can itbe they go they eat chat and go home.

nooka Sun 10-Jan-16 21:39:46

My children used to get very restless during the gap between ordering and food arriving, so we'd usually take a pack of cards. Eight and eleven seem a bit old to not be able to cope with a family meal out though. Not sure about ipads at that age with family all around. It's pretty antisocial. But then maybe your dp's family aren't good at including kids in their conversation?

If all the other children in the family are going I think people will comment on yours not being there. Sorry!

Singsongsungagain Sun 10-Jan-16 21:43:30

I think it's a bit sad really that you feel your children can't cope with polite conversation at those ages. They probably need more experiences like this not less.

supermariossister Sun 10-Jan-16 21:45:48

I was thinking so too, I think you are right there I do find that when everyone gets together the adults get talking and the kids get left to their own devices I usually end up sticking with the kids to keep an eye. They do get restless but you are all right they can manage to not sulk about it for one night. I remember going to a pub with my nephew who was then three and the waitress walking past with other meals and he tugged on the bottom of her apron string saying is mine coming yet, is it ever going to come grin made me go crimson but giggle at the same time. Very informal self serve place so should be okay on that front. Sometimes I do worry over nothing I think and end up having a great time

MoMoTy Sun 10-Jan-16 21:46:49

I think it's quite disrepectful to bring out tablets at a family event, how rude! At their ages they should be able to get through an event without needing constant entertainment. And if they can't, then use these opportunities to teach them how to be sociable.

AssembleTheMinions Sun 10-Jan-16 21:47:04

I wouldn't hesitate to take my dc's at that age to a family meal. I enjoy talking to them and they are more than capable to making conversation with their relatives for a couple of hours.

I would think using tablets etc at a family meal in a restaurant pretty rude.

Soooosie Sun 10-Jan-16 21:50:20

I'd take mine but not take a tablet. I might consider bringing something like a card game they can play together with the teens or some paper so they can draw with the tiny kids

supermariossister Sun 10-Jan-16 21:51:42

That is a good point they are great at the table at home and happy to chat so perhaps I am worrying over nothing. Most of the events like this with dps family we have been to are at houses and I find the dc end up doing their own thing so it's unusal. Thanks for giving me a shake

DixieNormas Sun 10-Jan-16 21:52:16

we all use tablets at family meals if needed, my family really don't care as long as everyone's happy

Floggingmolly Sun 10-Jan-16 21:52:22

God, definitely no to iPads hmm

DamedifYouDo Sun 10-Jan-16 21:53:05

I think you should take them and encourage them to get used to socialising. I would not endorse taking tablets / phones for them to use, how else are they going to learn social skills?

My dc are 8 / 10 and we take them out a lot, they are only allowed to have screens in exceptional circumstances (recent 1 hour wait for food while en route to holiday cottage and they had reached their limit, tired and hungry). One of them has learning difficulties and autism and it would be a cop out to just let them use a screen rather than learning to engage in conversation.

BackforGood Sun 10-Jan-16 21:56:39

At those ages my dc loved seeing their small cousins on the odd occasion like this. It was great for cousins' parents as well as it meant small dc could go off and be supervised by my dc (older cousins, like your dc are) and the parents could relax and chat over a coffee.
Can't your dc do this?
I do think it would be pretty poor if they can't manage to either join in conversation with grandparents, Uncles and Aunties, or to play with their cousins for an hour after a nice meal out. hmm

BackforGood Sun 10-Jan-16 21:57:39

I wouldn't allow them iPads (nor their phones) at the table either.
Good grief, they aren't tiny, if they can't manage to be polite and sociable at this age, perhaps they need to learn!

supermariossister Sun 10-Jan-16 21:59:13

Possibly wasn't sure they would be able to if there were height rectrictions to play area but they might, they would really like that.

I haven't been too well recently and my gut response seems to be to think of everything that could go wrong rather than right. It's been helpful getting some perspective

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