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To consider reporting a close friend?

(51 Posts)
fitforflighting Sun 10-Jan-16 18:41:23

My close friend bravely left an abusive relationship nine months ago. She reported the abuse to the authorities after she left and got legal aid as a result. The previous home situation was awful. Cafcass, health visitor and doctor are all aware.

I have found out that she is seeing the abuser again. I've tried to talk to her but she will not listen. She thinks she can change him or change herself to stop herself from 'winding him up'

They aren't living back together yet but she is considering it and I do not know what the hell to do sad

I know I will turn her life upside down if I do and I really don't want to but I want to keep her safe even if she hates me for it and surely doing it now she will be warned that action might be taken if she moves him back in rather than it being too late when he is already back sad

maggiethemagpie Sun 10-Jan-16 18:43:54

Are there children involved?

MammaTJ Sun 10-Jan-16 18:44:01

Such a tricky situation for you but she needs protecting and so do her DC. Imagine if you didn't report, he moved in and the worst happened?

SweetieDrops Sun 10-Jan-16 18:44:03

Does she have children in the home? If so I'd contact social services.

Chattymummyhere Sun 10-Jan-16 18:44:30

If she has children I would report it, I wouldn't openly say I did it but children come first. If it's just her I would let her get on with it.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm Sun 10-Jan-16 18:45:20

You must. She has a choice. Those children do not

Waltermittythesequel Sun 10-Jan-16 18:46:04

If she has dc then yes, I think you should if only so that people can keep an eye on things.

If it's just her then I don't think you can do anything other than support her when it goes pear shaped.

StealthPolarBear Sun 10-Jan-16 18:46:08

She must have children if cafcass and HV involved. Report

Arfarfanarf Sun 10-Jan-16 18:46:48

If she has children then i would report in order to help them. They dont have a voice and are the victims of choices made by parents.

StealthPolarBear Sun 10-Jan-16 18:47:06

Not to mention I don't think there is anyone who can 'stop' a woman going back to her abuser so "report " makes no sense unless she has dc

fitforflighting Sun 10-Jan-16 18:49:26

Sorry yes there are three dc involved. Two very small.

catfordbetty Sun 10-Jan-16 18:50:03

Talk to her first. If she wont see sense then, yes, do it.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm Sun 10-Jan-16 18:50:16

You KNOW what you MUST do

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Jan-16 18:50:51

Report her to which authority and what action will she be warned might be taken?

ohdearlord Sun 10-Jan-16 18:52:32

I was a child where people looked the other way. Please. Ring.

Sunnybitch Sun 10-Jan-16 18:53:39

Report it! Better her life turned upside down than one of those kiddies ending up with a broken arm or worse.

3littlebadgers Sun 10-Jan-16 18:53:44

Gosh for a moment I thought you were talking about a friend of mine, untill you mentioned three children. I'm watching this thread with interest.

katiekid Sun 10-Jan-16 18:55:01

you talk to her first and you be firm, since you know she will know its you just tell her you will report her as its not fair on the kids
if all else fails report her

JennyOnAPlate Sun 10-Jan-16 18:55:03

Yes I would report it. Without a doubt.

Scarydinosaurs Sun 10-Jan-16 18:56:10

If there are children then yes, you must. She isn't thinking straight.

MizK Sun 10-Jan-16 18:56:57

Yes do report. Doing so makes you a good friend- you are brave enough to risk falling out in order to protect her and her children.

I fucking hate the fact that men like this seem able to weasel their way back in time and time again 😐

PrimeDirective Sun 10-Jan-16 19:00:25

Why don't you tell her that if SS find out she is at risk of losing her children, regardless of whether he has changed. They will decide based on risk from previous behaviour.
That might discourage her from seeing him.

seasidesally Sun 10-Jan-16 19:02:31

report for the kids sake

she will have to choose,hopefully she makes the right choice

NameChanger22 Sun 10-Jan-16 19:06:30

I don't think she will loose her children will she?

Someone I know moved her abusive partner back in with her, he had been hitting her and shouting abuse in front of the child. Social services knew about it because she'd phone them. They're still together and the child is still with them.

Also when father's who are abusive (including violent rape) split up with their partners the courts usually award them 50:50 custody, or at least unsupervised overnight access.

I would still report it though.

NorthernLurker Sun 10-Jan-16 19:12:04

You are right to take action. You have a duty to protect the kids and they've probably already seen too much. Report it, you can ring the duty social worker to start.

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