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DILEMMA!! Best friends wedding 2 weeks after my due date

(111 Posts)
Luc28 Sat 09-Jan-16 23:53:22


Due to have my baby at the end of Feb but it's my very best friends wedding mid March, she's done everything possible to help us by giving us a family room for the full weekend so we can stay over and lots of extra little bits to make it easier! Feel so torn though as I've no idea when baby will be here if she's late then is it a good idea to take her out so soon, if she's early would we manage with her at a busy venue.
I really don't want to miss my best friends special day as we've been through so much together and I would be devastated if I missed it!
Leaving the baby with my parents isn't even an option as the venues a few hours drive away from where we live so would have to stay over. I thought of just staying at the hotel the night before, attend church and the wedding breakfast then take baby back to hotel room for a quiet evening and just miss the night do .... Hubbys not convinced and thinks we should just miss it all together and stay at home 😢

Any advise/ suggestions/ thoughts greatly received as I feel in such a dilemma! .... Just don't know what to do for the best!!

CurlyBlueberry Sat 09-Jan-16 23:55:04

Do you have to decide now? Can you wait and see? If you were my best friend I would be happy to "keep the space" for you and let you decide on the day/the day before or whatever.

SparkleSoiree Sat 09-Jan-16 23:58:00

Hhhmmm, if it was me I wouldn't RSVP until at least the due date and let the bride know that. If baby is late then you may not feel like going anywhere with your new bundle but if baby does arrive on time then after a week or so you will have a better idea of whether you want to go or not. Baby's birth is obviously more important than your best friend's wedding but that's not to say the wedding isn't important for you! You need to put yourself first on this occasion. Buy some time and then decide after baby has arrived.

AntiHop Sat 09-Jan-16 23:58:19

How far away is it from where you live ?

LalaLyra Sat 09-Jan-16 23:59:49

Is your friend happy for you to decide at the time? That's the only way you know if you'll be up to it or not. You don't know if the baby will be here, what kind of birth you'll have or if you'll be in labour that day so you can't possibly decide yet.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 10-Jan-16 00:00:32

You don't need to decide now and couldn't your parents stay at venue as well if need be

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 10-Jan-16 00:00:34

Have either of you had a baby before? I'm not being patronising but I'm thinking perhaps not?

Most hospitals wouldn't recommend giving birth more than 20 days past your due date. Obviously you can decline any intervention bit, if not, you could have a 4 day old baby on her wedding day

You might still be in hospital. But, if not, even if you've had a very straightforward birth, you're likely to still be bleeding and be very tired. If you're breast feeding, your milk will come in on or around day 3 and you'll be feeding literally non-stop. You have to do this to establish your supply. Even at 2 weeks (say the baby is born on its due date - statistically quite unlikely), you'll still be establishing breastfeeding.

Even if you're bottle feeding, the baby will be in no sort of routine and you really couldn't feasibly and fairly leave it with someone else. Even at two weeks, I don't think it would be fair

Plus, the baby will have had no immunisations. Whilst you're not going to be housebound, I would not take a tiny newborn to a wedding and I'm generally quite relaxed about germs.

I think the best thing to do is be no -committal and day you'll see how you get on and make a decision once you have given birth

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 10-Jan-16 00:01:09

10 days past your due date!

Luc28 Sun 10-Jan-16 00:01:51

Thankyou all! It's about 1 hr 40 travelling time. She's kept a space open regardless but just so unsure until we know that baby's here and when the big event actually happens

Tottyandmarchpane1 Sun 10-Jan-16 00:02:50

I wouldn't go. You'll either be having the baby or the baby will be 2 weeks old and you will be recovering, potentially getting to grips with breast feeding if you want to and you will be shattered. I have 3 DC, I would have been pressured/decided to go with DD1 but no way by DC3.

MillionToOneChances Sun 10-Jan-16 00:04:51

But equally the baby might be a month old and you might be quite comfortable going. Play it by ear?

MoMoTy Sun 10-Jan-16 00:07:37

Tbh I wouldn't put myself through that much of a hassle. The baby will be so tiny, you don't know how you will feel, and it might be too late then to back out. I'm with your dh on this.

LalaLyra Sun 10-Jan-16 00:08:03

I think you should follow her lead and just decide nearer the time. You really have no idea how you'll feel. After DC4 I could have gone to a wedding in the first week because I was on such a happy high, but then he had colic so at one month - no way. With DC5 it was the opposite!

Also, how nice to hear of a reasonable bride who is happy to play it by ear for a wee change!

marriednotdead Sun 10-Jan-16 00:08:29

I think this is one you really need to play by ear.

And the bride cannot expect a commitment from you until the day.

I took DS to a wedding when he was 2 or 3 weeks old, after a CS.
But he wasn't my first, it wasn't too formal an affair nor more than a half an hour drive.

grumpysquash2 Sun 10-Jan-16 00:09:41

FWIW I went to my best friends wedding with a 3 week old baby. It was about 2 hours travelling time, but actually OK. He slept for a lot of it; I did some not-so-subtle BF at the reception.
I do remember driving home and feeling like my boobs were about to explode though! I had to express a bit into the kitchen sink before the baby could even latch on.
But I think it is really ok not to go. I'm sure your friend would understand.

coconutpie Sun 10-Jan-16 00:09:59

No way would I go. You'll be exhausted, bleeding heavily still, trying to establish breastfeeding, dealing with multiple nappy changes, hormonal, etc, nevermind unnecessarily exposing a vulnerable newborn baby to loads of germs by being at a wedding venue.

A wedding is just not worth the hassle. It is one day, they will still get married regardless if you are there or not. Yes, it is unfortunate you'll miss it but you and your baby's comfort and well being are FAR more important than attending a wedding.

AntiHop Sun 10-Jan-16 00:12:50

I chose to start a training course when my pfb was very little. The first class was when she was just 3 weeks old (and then there were several classes over the following months). The venue was about an hour and a half away by public transport. The class was 6 hours long. When I was pregnant everyone I asked said don't do it. But the course only runs once a year and was really important to my career. (Baby came with me for breastfeeding with my dp with us too).

It was hard but I managed.

WilLiAmHerschel Sun 10-Jan-16 00:17:18

Hmm say your baby is born on or near the due date and is 2 weeks old or less, I think my dd would have mostly slept at a wedding at that age but I don't think I could have physically coped with it. I did have quite a bad pregnancy and labour though so was in a bad way plus hadn't slept properly since I was about 6 months pregnant, some women are fine even the next day.

I did manage to attend a wedding with DD when she was 6 weeks old. I panicked so much but it was fine. Dd slept mostly and I breastfed her at the table during the reception; something I'd worried about beforehand but my friend, the bride, put me at complete ease. We had to leave when the music started as it was too loud for dd. In hindsight we should have got those baby headphones to block the sound. Though we were exhausted so the excuse to get back to our hotel room was very welcome.

lorelei9 Sun 10-Jan-16 00:23:27

Id say her to her that it's about 99% no
I have some friends who have been very well indeed post birth and welcomed visitors etc but I think this is a different kettle of fish, it's not like you can pop by for an hour.

lorelei9 Sun 10-Jan-16 00:24:29

Also hate the idea of new baby exposed to so many germs.

EllenJanethickerknickers Sun 10-Jan-16 00:25:13

I went to a wedding scheduled on my due date, very last minute as my DS2 was born 2 weeks early! It was a four hour drive away, which took more like 6 hours with stops for feeds. But I was so glad I went. DS2 obviously just stayed with me all day and was the star of the wedding (after the happy couple themselves of course.)

Mouthfulofquiz Sun 10-Jan-16 00:25:39

One of my best friends got married 10 days after my due date (so my DS was 6 days old - he was 4 days late.)
I went, because it was local to me and I had a very easy labour and was fine. I breastfed at the venue (they even set up a quiet area for me with some bottled water, magazines and a comfy chair!) and he slept through the wedding breakfast. It was a lovely day. She was very flexible about the RSVP - to the extent that I only let her know I was going a couple of days before (I sent a bunch of flowers and a card explaining it all when I received the initial invitation.) but she hadn't paid for a hotel room for me, so not sure if that makes things different?

minijoeyjojo Sun 10-Jan-16 00:29:01

Is it your first baby (I'm assuming it is) and how are you planning on feeding him/her?

Realistically I'd think unless you were early or on time it'd be a massive struggle. Firstly you may not have actually had the baby then - I was 15 days late when I gave birth, having been induced!

Secondly, it's bloody tiring - you will be getting very little sleep, with a baby that is likely waking every 2 hrs and will take an hour to settle. So you'll be getting an hour of sleep every other hour, and that's with a good baby! So you will need to sleep in the day to maintain sanity.

Thirdly if you're breastfeeding it can be really painful to start with and you'll likely be obsessed with getting the perfect latch, at this early stage neither of you are very good at it so you'll want some privacy to feed (every 2hrs!).

Fourth you may be very hormonal - your body does some crazy stuff post birth. I had a few days where I cried about everything!!

Fifth how thick are the walls at the hotel? Would you feel comfortable bringing a baby that will likely cry through the night somewhere where it may keep others up? It's just you probably won't need the added stress of feeling guilty about that when trying to fix whatever is going on with your baby.

Sorry I don't mean to be massively un-optimistic about it, but I think at best you'd have to be a maybe attendee. There are just so many unkonwns about when the baby will arrive, will it be a straightforward birth, etc etc. Even if it all goes smoothly I'd think it'd be most likely that you'd be too shattered to travel hours from home, with all the equipment needed for a new baby when you're only a few weeks in.

I'm two and a half months in and probably would feel comfortable going away now, but not in the first month! Going to the supermarket felt like an amazing achievement then or getting dressed before 12pm! smile

WiIdfire Sun 10-Jan-16 00:38:56

If you can keep the invitation open then do that. On the one hand, my boy was born at 42 weeks, so couldn't have physically been anywhere else at that point. On the other hand, we went to a wedding when he was three weeks old, staying away 5 days (to incorporate other visits) and it was fine. It was a great opportunity for extended family to meet the new baby. You wont know until you are there.

VagueIdeas Sun 10-Jan-16 00:42:44

I could never have managed it with either of my two children. BF or not, c section or not, you'll be knackered and having to travel and be so far away from your home comforts will be so difficult.

You'll be inundated with people bragging about how they travelled to a wedding 500 miles away two days after giving birth (wink) but I really would err on the side of caution if I were you.

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