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Aibu to ask for your advice on how to word this tactfully?

(24 Posts)
Squishyeyeballs Sat 09-Jan-16 22:10:50

We're having a double birthday party for our 2 kids soon and have booked a party centre and sent out invitations on facebook. However, I'm thinking now that maybe I should have put a 'no gifts, thank you' note into the invitations. It is so soon after christmas, the kids got loads already so we don't really have room for any more toys, plus I don't want to put anyone under pressure to fork out money at a time of year when most people are broke.

I'm half tempted to add a note to the invites now but not sure how I should word it. If I put 'no gifts' I'm afraid it will look like we are asking for cash as opposed to toys and that is definitely not the case. Help!

Lolimax Sat 09-Jan-16 22:14:11

I'd be honest and say your kids have had loads for Christmas and do not need anything so all you'd like for their birthday is for their friends to help them celebrate. I personally would find it hard to come 'empty handed' but if told that (mine are all grown up now) I would probably have brought a book or something for the bath.

CFSsucks Sat 09-Jan-16 22:27:53

The problem is, presents are part of parties. Are your children genuinely going to be happy if their friends all turn up empty handed? It's not about being grabby before anyone mentions that, it is the norm for the birthday child to receive presents from their friends and I would be very surprised if any child would be happy to get nothing.

Both of mine have birthdays close to Christmas, and we've had a few parties lately and I'd really struggle to go a party empty handed. Plus I think they don't get stuff given later in the year so we accept that they get a lot in a short space of time.

Squishyeyeballs Sat 09-Jan-16 22:52:05

Sorry, should have mentioned that the kids are toddlers and don't understand presents yet so it wouldn't bother them in the slightest grin I wouldn't mind people bringing small presents but dh's family have a tendency to go overboard.

gatorgolf Sat 09-Jan-16 23:05:21

I honestly don't think you can do this unless it's to people you know really well who would totally understand, only person in my life would be my mum, otherwise people just take offence or think you are asking for money. Just have to accept what you get, sometimes I've found that people have bought things for ds that I would never have dreamed of buying that's he's loved

KP86 Sat 09-Jan-16 23:05:31

I know you said space is an issue, but can you ask for things that can be put away until mid year? Or experience things (trips to pool, swimming costumes, a day pass to Chessington or similar) that you can use in the summer?

stopfuckingshoutingatme Sat 09-Jan-16 23:10:10

I don't think you can ! I just can't attend Empty handed - a mum somehow very tactfully managed to ask for 'no toys ' as house is so small and we have no room ? So I gave her a tenner grin

RubbleBubble00 Sat 09-Jan-16 23:11:25

wouldn't say anything and donate stuff to deserving charity

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 09-Jan-16 23:14:28

If their birthdays are both in January, they will miss out every year if you have this policy, which is a bit shit, frankly.

Even if you said no gifts, I would still bring one, as would everyone I know.

If they are family and go overboard, I would try to move them onto a university fund rather than presents. Easier for them, actually useful and no mess.

Topsy34 Sat 09-Jan-16 23:17:48

Hmm, well its a bit shit for the kids as they miss out on oresents for their bieprthday, but jack, fred and sarah get oresents cos their birthday is in june.....

Ds1 turned 6 last year and he asked if he coukd ask his friends to bring something fir the food bank instead of presents, which i thought was lovely, and said of course, yes. Pretty much all the children bought him a gift and something for the food bank.

Hiw ild are the children? How do they feel about it?

Mmmmcake123 Sat 09-Jan-16 23:25:49

My nephew's birthday is very early January and when he was 2 or 3, sil said just get clothes. Sounded reasonable to all of us so that's what everyone did. The poor boy was devastated, each time he opened a gift there was nothing of interest there for him. It was straight after Xmas, so as far as he understood gifts meant toys. She was guilt stricken for a long time!

nextusername Sat 09-Jan-16 23:27:18

It might make people in your circle worry that they'll look mean if they accept gifts for their own DCs parties, without bringing one for yours. Even though I'm sure that's not what you'd intend.

BishopBrennansArse Sat 09-Jan-16 23:28:30

Say there's a space issue but they'd love books?

mumofmunchkin Sat 09-Jan-16 23:36:16

We put no gifts on the invites for ds1's 2nd birthday - it was largely ignored, a few people sticking a tender in a card or bringing chocolate. You can ask, but you'll likely still get some!

Ditsy4 Sat 09-Jan-16 23:36:33

What about vouchers for a day out? You could ask close friends and family for this. Could be to a local attraction? If you get enough you might be able to have a year pass.

Ihavetheorangehair Sat 09-Jan-16 23:37:01

Our school has a policy of €5 max presents so most people just put €5 or a €5 voucher in a card. It means the child gets some money to spend on things they actually want and it's not such an expense for the parents.

CalleighDoodle Sat 09-Jan-16 23:42:20

If be cautious. Because it might set a presitant with family not to buy presents in future when they do understand.

CalleighDoodle Sat 09-Jan-16 23:46:08

My ds is 4 next week. On thursday he said he doesnt want any toys because he has hundreds. Today when i mentioned this he looked shocked and aaid he wants all the toys in the world grin

ethelb Sun 10-Jan-16 00:04:08

Out of interest when is your birthday OP?

ceeveebee Sun 10-Jan-16 00:08:19

We had a joint party for DHs 40th and our twins 3rd birthday - we put "no gifts" on the invite as there were nearly 100 guests and it was close to Christmas - was totally ignored by all.

Squishyeyeballs Sun 10-Jan-16 00:14:50

Tbh, I think that a present from parents (and maybe just one from grandparents) is enough on a birthday. That's all me and my siblings ever got. Christmas was our time for loads of pressies grin Maybe that's why I don't see the big deal about it.

The people invited to the party are all family and close friends. The normal kids gift spend in our circle is around £15. I wouldn't mind so much if it was only 1 gift but with the 2 kids, people will feel pressured to spend double sad Judging by the replies here there isn't much of a way around it though.

Squishyeyeballs Sun 10-Jan-16 00:17:03

Ethel my birthday is in january too and I only ever got a birthday present from my parents and grandparents. It never bothered me but that's the way it was for all of my siblings too.

Littlef00t Sun 10-Jan-16 07:40:37

The kids are young and don't need a toy
Your presence today will bring enough joy
- no presents thanks.

RealityCheque Sun 10-Jan-16 07:50:22

Our school has a policy of €5 max presents so most people just put €5 or a €5 voucher in a card.

Genuine question - what on earth has this got to do with a school?

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