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To think she shouldn't keep commenting on my childrens weight.

(94 Posts)
justalittlelemondrizzle Sat 09-Jan-16 22:08:32

I have a mum friend at school, we've got pretty close over the last year, we meet for coffee, meet up for playdates alot and we take our children to the same swimming lessons etc.
She has made comments about my childrens weight saying things like "they're so skinny", referring to them as "skin and bones", and asking "do they eat?" amongst other hurtful things in front of them. They are 8 and 6, of average height and are both 3 stone. They look similar to most of their friends but I admit, they are skinny. They have been weighed several times as part of check ups and the national screening programme at school and I always told they are within the normal range for their height. But i'm guessing, probably the lower end of normal. They seem to have taken after their dad who is a slow gainer, they eat a lot but are active. I do try to give them high calorie but healthy food, If I didn't, they probably would be underweight.
Anyway this lady isn't English, so I understand there is a language barrier and she probably doesn't know how rude it sounds and the first time I shrugged it off.
But she has said these things 3 times now and its starting to get to me.
Her children are the same ages and are extremely overweight. They cant run, they're clothes are huge and are twice the size and weight of mine but the same ages. They eat constantly and very unhealthy food. I never judged her or her kids but after her repeatedly saying these things to me I thought I would add that. I would never dream of saying to her, "your kids are really overweight, you really should do something about this" to her once, let alone repeatedly.
I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to fall out with her. She is lovely is every other way.

What would you do?

PeridotPassion Sat 09-Jan-16 22:13:47

She is obviously rude to be commenting for commentings sake. Ignore.

BUT...a 3 stone 8 year old? My ds2 is 5 and weighs 3 stone. I worry about how little 'back up padding' that he has tbh. As in, if he had a 3 day stomach bug and lost a few pounds he would very, very quickly be underweight. He's completely average height (50th centile) but nearly at the low end of his healthy weight range and is like a string bean, with very prominent ribs and collarbone. I've put him on gold top milk to try and get his weight up.

I would think that a 3 stone 8 year old, unless they were very very short, would be quite underweight?

Crazybaglady Sat 09-Jan-16 22:13:48

Where is she from? My mums culture are obsessed with eating, food and feeding people.

I've had to have a word her her about constantly telling my DS about how 'skinny' he is all the time and constant comments about how 'disgustingly skinny' I am (I'm a size 6 on top and 8 bottom so hardly underweight). It's unacceptable and I want any body comments phased out entirely by the time DD is old enough to understand. Just tell her as it is. It's not nice to make children feel self conscious

justalittlelemondrizzle Sat 09-Jan-16 22:27:16

Passion - She has only just turned 8 a few weeks ago. She seems to look the same as most of the other girls at ballet and swimming and doesn't stand out. But she has absolutely no fat.
I'm not sure what an 8 year old is supposed to weigh, i've read and been told conflicting things but she's never been a cause for concern at school or doctors.

Crazybaglady - She's from India. I'm not sure if their culture is obsessed with food but she does seem very food helicopter..rry, dropping down food supplies constantly.

Crazybaglady Sat 09-Jan-16 22:29:16

My old Indian neighbour used to send me over a cooked meal in a tub once a week! I could be wrong but I think culturally, Indians are very food orientated. My mums Arab and it's just non stop

PeridotPassion Sat 09-Jan-16 22:31:40

It completely depends on her height. Put her height and weight into the NHS BMI calculator and see how it comes out.

Centile wise though...at that weight, she's below the bottom centile for weight for an 8 year old, so if she's around average height then she's probably 'officially' underweight too.

ColinFirthsGirth Sat 09-Jan-16 22:32:37

I was 2 and a half stone at 8 and both of my children were very slim too. We were all naturally slim. She is being rude and I would tell her that what she is saying is offensive.

ColinFirthsGirth Sat 09-Jan-16 22:33:53

Oh and my son was under the 0.4th centile and the paediatrician confirmed that he was just naturally thin

Micah Sat 09-Jan-16 22:34:05

My 7 year old is about 3 and a bit stone. And is totally fine. Tall, slender build, but not underweight at all. In fact they do a lot of exercise so are fit snd muscly.

I do think we are getting a skewed idea of "normal" weight these days.

O/p i wouldnt worry about his weight if he's within the normal range, but it might be worth simply asking her to stop talking about their size.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Jan-16 22:36:22

If your doctor is happy with the kid's weights, I'd just reply with that every time and then change the subject.

If that doesn't work, just tell her you don't want to discuss it any more.

RandomMess Sat 09-Jan-16 22:38:01

I have one slim and one super slim child (and 2 more average but slim) yeah it's bloody rude and uncalled for. Mine are very active and eat lots it's a mixture of their natural body shape and are very lean just like my Dad and I used to be <<sob>>

edwinbear Sat 09-Jan-16 22:41:48

I'd be tempted to say something along the lines of 'yes, they are lucky to be naturally slim aren't they as it's so much healthier to be slightly underweight than slightly overweight', I wouldn't be able to help myself.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Sat 09-Jan-16 22:42:47

Sincerely the problem is her kids

I might get flamed but I now believe it's a form of neglect to let your children get seriously obese like hers

Unless there is a medical issue - she has problems as she is allowing them to have a health issue when they are too young to choose

Personally I would have a word and turn this whole issue on its head

You might lose her as a friend but this shitty attitude of criticising your healthy kids when she is over feeding hers - such an integrity bust

catfordbetty Sat 09-Jan-16 22:42:54

They have been weighed several times as part of check ups and the national screening programme at school and I always told they are within the normal range for their height.

Next time, tell her this in a straightforward and non-confrontational way. If she keeps up the 'too skinny' line say it again - "You must remember, I told you before, they've been weighed several times as part of check ups and the national screening programme at school and they are within the normal range for their height."

If she still doesn't get it, drop her.

CalleighDoodle Sat 09-Jan-16 22:42:57

It does seem light for the 8 yr old. I have the option of having mine weighed and measured at the hwalth centre when i want. would it be worth doing the same to get an accurate picture? .

justalittlelemondrizzle Sat 09-Jan-16 22:43:20

Thank you. I don't know if I have the courage to confront her. But if she says it again I may just blow.
Thank you for the reassurance I was starting to worry.

DixieNormas Sat 09-Jan-16 22:44:38

sounds like lower end of normal which is fine, not everyone can be average weight! As long as gp etc have said it's fine I wouldn't worry. The women is rude to keep.on about it though, especially in front of them. I'd tell her to stop.

BombadierFritz Sat 09-Jan-16 22:44:54

Weight sounds an acceptable topic of conversation for her so i would reply by commenting on her childrens overweight (not in front of them). She might not know they are overweight. Often parents dont.

Needfinsnow Sat 09-Jan-16 22:45:14

Ahh I feel you! My dd is tiny, she is perfectLay healthy but small, has been since birth. She doesn't like cake or chocolate but loves broccoli cauliflower (most veggies) and olives. She will snack on raw broccoli over sweets (by choice, I try to get her to eat sweets!). She is 4 and wears 3 year old clothes but they re big on her. I get so annoyed with the comments...she has a horrible cough (croup) ATM and on mum at school, says, everyday, "what a big cough for someone so tiny"... Grr it annoys me! X

fakenamefornow Sat 09-Jan-16 22:47:59

I get that with my kids as well. I don't think they're skinny, it's just that they're not fat like the kids of the parents who like to comment.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Sat 09-Jan-16 22:48:06

To feed your kids so much that they can't run !!! I mean come one - has no one told her it's an issue ??

ColinFirthsGirth Sat 09-Jan-16 22:50:00

I agree Mich, children overall have got heavier than decades ago and I know a number of children that are overweight but their parents don't think they are. Apparently you should be able to see a child's ribs.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Sat 09-Jan-16 22:52:37

Yes Colin
My younger one has a tendency to 'robustness' and we Cut the cheese and I get him moving

I was heartily relieved to see his ribs again - it's scarily easily for them to put it on a bit sad

FeedMyFaceWithJaffaCakes Sat 09-Jan-16 22:53:08

In this day and age better to be slim and healthy than overweight and filled with huge portions and/or junk foods as so many children are!

notenoughbottle Sat 09-Jan-16 22:54:12

Don't worry about you're dd's weight. My 9 year old ds is 9 and weighs 3.5. He is quite tall but is just very skinny and all in proportion. He's deemed to be underweight by a chart but his paediatrician has no concerns at all. Next time this lady says anything I wouldn't let it go and would prove her shout it a bit more. What does she think is 'normal'? Maybe she wants yours to be fatter so hers don't look so big?!

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