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To be offended

(34 Posts)
ARV1981 Sat 09-Jan-16 14:24:20

My sister told me I look like "the mother goddess" since having my baby four months ago...

I am pretty sure she meant this to be unkind! I'm actually really upset about it. I used to be a size 10, now I'm a 12-14.

AIBU to be upset about this comment and should I be thinking about dieting?

InTheBox Sat 09-Jan-16 14:32:00

Here's a clicky link:

Yabu to be offended if it's just a bit of a casual exchange between siblings, it depends what sort of relationship you have. If my sister told me I looked like that image we'd have a good laugh about it. If she's generally one for putting you down then Yanbu.

ARV1981 Sat 09-Jan-16 14:33:48

Thanks for the clicks link

hownottofuckup Sat 09-Jan-16 14:34:28

Ooh that's about harsh (my boobs currently do look like that though, my bra really isn't doing a good job of containing them)

hownottofuckup Sat 09-Jan-16 14:35:11

Come to think of it the rest of me probably looks like that too sad

TheSecondViola Sat 09-Jan-16 14:36:04

Did she say THE mother goddess or A mother goddess? Because the former is way more specific.

I'd take it at face value as a compliment, personally. Who wouldn't want to be called a goddess?

PurpleDaisies Sat 09-Jan-16 14:37:00

What's your relationship with your sister usually like? I can't imagine saying something like that to mine but if you've got a bit of banter going on normally could that be it?

Tell her you were a bit upset by what she said and see what she says.

Narp Sat 09-Jan-16 14:37:49

I think it depends on the context, your relationship and how it was said.

But my first reaction was to think she was trying to be nice. The image is not flattering, but the concept is, IYSWIM.

But I totally understand why it hurt you in the post-baby-weight-gain phase.

bbcessex Sat 09-Jan-16 14:43:31

You are not unreasonable to be offended.. that is not a look someone wants to be compared to (I am probably that shape tho but I don't want to be told it!)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 09-Jan-16 14:43:42

YNBU. Some people really need to think before they open their traps

Italianmoma1983 Sat 09-Jan-16 14:45:06

Gosh I looked and I look like the mother goddess 😢

cdtaylornats Sat 09-Jan-16 14:45:15

Be glad she is tactful, my sister just uses the word fat.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Jan-16 14:45:54

If you're unhappy about your weight then yes, of course you should think about changing your diet and exercise when the time is right for you.

As for being offended, I suppose it depends on what she actually meant by it.

ARV1981 Sat 09-Jan-16 14:48:20

Yeah, the context...

She's 34 weeks pregnant and borrowed some maternity clothing from me but was complaining that it is too big, and going on about how small she is compared to how I was at that point in my pregnancy. I should point out that I measured big, had excess fluid and a big (9lb 3oz) baby - her bump is measuring small and I think her baby is "normal".

I guess I took the hump and said something like "oh, yes, I'm a massive fatty" or something... she tried to backtrack by saying "you look like the mother goddess". I changed the subject because I didn't want to cry.

I am really self conscious of my big thighs - I know this sounds strange as women come in all shapes and sizes and all are gorgeous, I just am used to being smaller.

Thing is. She knows how I feel. I guess she didn't mean to be mean... but I'm now really upset sad

ARV1981 Sat 09-Jan-16 14:50:40

And my tummy. I have all this excess skin. It's like something off that TV show where they did plastic surgery and asked members of the public to guess how old the poor person was. I guess I'm just hideous!

GloGirl Sat 09-Jan-16 14:51:56

Cheeky cow. Tell her to buy her own fucking clothes.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Jan-16 14:53:47

She was probably talking about her baby bump when she said the clothes were too big.

So many people equate being pregnant with being fat, it's ridiculous.

I've often read people on MN saying, "I'm pregnant so I'm going to be fat soon anyway", like they don't know the difference.

Try not to dwell on it and if you're still unhappy with your body, make changes when you are ready to.

Narp Sat 09-Jan-16 14:55:06

I think maybe 1) she was trying to reassure herself about her own natural weight gain 2) she did not intend to hurt your feelings.

In other words, she was not thinking about you at all.

I remember the stage you are at really well. I was so tired, eating crap because my appetite was all over the place, and just not adjusting well to everything. I was really really shocked that I didn't just ping back after the birth of my first. Upset that I was still wearing my maternity trousers after the birth. I was also a 10 and just couldn't see come to terms with being bigger. In my case, the tummy was the obsession.

You may well be a 10 again. Give it time.

How are you otherwise? Do you think you might be a bit depressed?

GarlicBake Sat 09-Jan-16 14:58:17

I tend to agree with GloGirl. After you've put her in her place, ARV, read some stuff about the glory of a body that creates & sustains human life - which is pretty fucking amazing - and start loving yourself!

theycallmemellojello Sat 09-Jan-16 15:02:33

I really don't think there is anything negative about saying you look like the/a mother goddess. It's such a general term and is not identified with one particular image. To me it evokes the idea of fertility in a positive way. Tbh it sounds like you're worried about your weight and are projecting it on to your sister. If her bump is way smaller than yours was then I don't see that it is offensive to raise it or that this means she was calling you a "fatty". She was probably worried that her bump was on the small side. Literally no one feels like they are skinny because they have a small baby bump.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Jan-16 15:06:02

Here is a link to Google images, containing pics of the Mother Goddess

There are many different images and some of them are of very slim women.

Why did you pick this particular image to focus on, or did your sister Google it and say that's the one she had in mind?

ARV1981 Sat 09-Jan-16 15:10:01

I know she had a prehistoric one in mind: she's an archaeologist! We went to a prehistory art exhibition together a few years ago at the British museum(was a brilliant exhibition). We both know what she meant!

I think perhaps I have taken it too much to heart. But I will still go on a diet. I feel enormous!

Wagglebees Sat 09-Jan-16 15:10:43

That mother goddess in the first link needs a bra intervention. I highly doubt you really look like that. I don't think of fatness when I see or hear reference to the MG, I think of warmth, fertility, love, those kinds of things.

Wagglebees Sat 09-Jan-16 15:12:42

Or she's feeling insecure about her smaller bump and decided to have a little dig whilst showing off her intelligence at the same time. Put it down to her hormones if she's usually kind and you get on well.

Narp Sat 09-Jan-16 15:15:54


Me too!

OP - do you do any exercise? That's likely to make you feel a lot better than a diet.

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