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AIBU?

to dread this party....

166 replies

George2014 · 07/01/2016 22:49

Ds5 had a party invite a week ago that I've been mithering over. The bottom line is, I just don't want to go!

It's a swimming party but then party and food after - sort of combo in a leisure centre thing for a few hours. Any non confidant swimmers must have an parent in the pool with them.

This pool is usually freezing at the best of times and it's the beginning of feb. Most 5 yr olds aren't confidant enough to be left alone on water so there will be a lot of hanging about in the water freezing cold with other suitably shrivelled up parents.

I don't want to get my swimmers on in this setting nor do I want to see other playground colleagues in theirs. I'm pasty, wobbly and had surgery last year :-(

Then we have to get out (I'm a dignified fashion), get changed and be ready to party - I normally look such a mess after swimming and need make up and straighteners to get sorted but it'll be a quick 5-10 mins then into party bit so I'll have to stand there, damp, looking like an utter mess for another 1-2 hrs while monitoring food / party stuff.

Ds is in a role in the school where he feels really uncomfortable taking ds - bit like over stepping the familiarity boundary/a little inappropriate for him to attend lol!

Please tell me it won't be bad and swimming parties are great.....I really don't want to go!

OP posts:

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grannytomine · 07/01/2016 22:54

You could do what my DIL did, she asked me to take GS to a party and after I agreed told me I would need a swimming costume.

Actually it wasn't that bad, I didn't swim just stood around in coldish water turning blue, couldn't get a cubicle so had to strip off in front of all the 5 year olds. Dignity, dignity, where are you.

I don't both with make up much but my hair was fine as it didn't get wet and the coffee and cake were lovely.

I was going to say these are the sacrifices mothers make but then I thought of you MIL again. Go on try it.

PeridotPassion · 07/01/2016 22:58

I felt the same when I had to take ds2 to a swimming party a few months back.

I was dreading it but it wasn't as bad as i'd thought.

I quickly dried my hair under the handdryer, upside down (without washing it) and it turned out ok...took 2 mins. Then I did the quickest make up ever...bb cream all over, concealer and powder then mascara...also took 2/3 minutes.

It was a rush but I felt decent enough to face people after...and just remember that everyone will be in the same boat anyway.

cozietoesie · 07/01/2016 23:00

I hate swimming/ pools so I'd have no shame about nominating someone for that part. Is there nobody you can strong arm persuade into it?

WorraLiberty · 07/01/2016 23:01

Will your ds be very upset if he doesn't go?

Tbh, I think this is a really unsuitable party for 5yr olds for all the reasons you've mentioned.

In fact it's bloody stupid.

If your DS was ok with it, I'd decline but still buy the birthday child a little gift.

Cococo1 · 07/01/2016 23:03

I would so hate to do this! Think i would make an excuse and take dc somewhere special so they didn't hate me!

cranberryx · 07/01/2016 23:05

It depends on if you think your DS would enjoy it, if you think he would miss out by not going then I would suck it up.

If you don't think he would miss out or even really care, I would give it a miss and maybe plan an amazing day out at the zoo (or the like) and use that as an excuse to decline.

Leeds2 · 07/01/2016 23:10

If OH wouldn't have taken my DD, she wouldn't have gone. And I don't care about my hair, and I don't own any make up.

grannytomine · 07/01/2016 23:20

Bother not both.

WorraLiberty · 07/01/2016 23:21

It's a bit of a slippery slope to start taking your kids somewhere special, every time you have to decline a party invitation.

Especially if you have more than one child!

I knocked that one on the head early doors

BackforGood · 07/01/2016 23:21

This is why it's a good idea to wait until all the dc are 8 or over, before having a swimming party - that way you only need 1 adult in the water for 10 dc (or did when mine were that age)

Your comments about straighteners and make up are a bit daft - everybody will be in the same boat, and you would look very, very weird if you somehow did manage to do all that after swimming.

An alternative is to get a local teen to go in for you - my dc would happily do this for someone - they love swimming

maddening · 07/01/2016 23:24

Do you know the party mum ? Suggest she asks the pool to turn the heating of the pool up. Don't go in higher than your waist so your makeup and hair stays intact.

Mmmmcake123 · 07/01/2016 23:28

Unless you're planning on dunking yourself your hair shouldn't be affected too badly! These things often sound worse than they are. A few years ago we were invited to similar and half the mums refused to go so my friend organising made me promise I would be there as there will be a child/adult ratio. Noncompetent swimmers could be given arm bands and/or rings. If you really don't want to do it, tell the host you will supply arm bands and a ring but have a ghastly skin infection (or whatever you fancy making up) which means you can't go in.

MoMoTy · 07/01/2016 23:33

I honestly would give this party a miss, sounds really not suitable for 5yos!

KanyesVest · 07/01/2016 23:33

Is there anything else on that day that you could use as an excuse? DD is also 5 but can't yet tell the time so I may have told her a similar party was on the same day as her speech and drama class, which she loves. I didn't mention the party was 2 hours after her class ended to her or the other mum . Worked like a charm

JakeBallardswife · 07/01/2016 23:40

If you don't want to go then really don't go. If you've not already replied say, thank you so much for the invite but we've already got something on. And if still feeling a little guilty get a small card and present and send that into school near the party goers birthday.

Minshu · 07/01/2016 23:53

YANBU and discussing with other mums recently, we are not alone to feel this way. Very luckily, DH took our 6 yo to one just before Christmas - otherwise I would have tried to keep my head above water, too! DD loved the party, though.

reni2 · 07/01/2016 23:56

Hm, put some sun swim and gym leave in conditioner into your hair and don't go under water. Quick make up (liquid stuff can go in cubicle and without mirror, same for mascara). Wobbly and pasty bits are on display for all.

I'd hate it, too. Why do you have to be out in 5-10 minutes, just say to ds off you pop to the party room with Jimmy and Johnny, jolly jolly, I'll be along in 15min no time at all.

CharmingChampignon · 07/01/2016 23:59

I pay our student babysitter to taken dc to soft play parties...

SingingSands · 08/01/2016 00:02

Don't do it. You don't want to and as an adult you can nicely reply with "sorry we can't make it" and leave it at that, there won't be an inquisition.
FWIW I went to one last year - and somehow roped DH in. When other mums found out we were both coming I suddenly found myself "in charge" of about 5 six year olds whilst these mums sat in the gallery chatting. One of the kids was scared of the pool and clung to me the entire time. The pool smelt of piss. It was freezing and there weren't enough changing rooms. It was NOT a fun thing to do and although my DS had fun, he would have been none the wiser if we'd given it a miss and spent a normal Saturday afternoon together.
Alternative is to invent a reason why you can't take your kid in the pool (car trouble/got lost/prior appointment) then just turn up for the cake and party afterwards.

reni2 · 08/01/2016 00:11

OP, did you not recently have that terrible middle ear infection resulting in a perforated ear drum? It's a real shame to miss such a fabulous party, but you are really not allowed to go swimming until this is sorted.

Alternatively, it falls right on the first day of your (horrendously strong and painful) period, you really couldn't.

blobbityblob · 08/01/2016 00:16

It sounds awful. Dd has a friend with a swimming pool. When we're invited dh takes dd, even though he can't swim. The family are all slim and beautiful and I'm a blobbery whale. I'd feel so uncomfortable.

GreenishMe · 08/01/2016 00:33

Sounds like a fucking nightmare. Decline - it's the sane thing to do.

...and don't feel guilty either.

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xmasseason · 08/01/2016 00:40

Everyone else will be in the same situation. It wouldn't bother me at all if no-one had makeup on or particularly styled hair. Likewise I wouldn't be interested what body shape other people have. People will be more concerned about what they look like themselves than with you.

George2014 · 08/01/2016 06:41

He he, I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like this!

I'm not saying I'd be getting out the straighteners / make up etc just that ds is a live wire in the pool and I always come out soaked so I know I'll look a mess after, which is just another reason (of many) why I don't want to go! It's a new school, making new friends etc so it's all just a little more uncomfortable!

I love some of the excuses for not getting in but the invite says for the child to swim, the adult has to as well so ds couldn't go. He wants to (opened and read invites at school grrr) so we will have to decide whether to suck it up or not. It's just vile. I always thought swimming parties were for 8+. Most kids in this reception class are 4.....

OP posts:

ProfYaffle · 08/01/2016 06:46

I think the usual tactic for swimming parties is to send the Dads. They're seriously the only parties I've ever seen where every child is accompanied by Dad rather than Mum.

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