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Where do parents get off being rude to school staff?

(217 Posts)
JackandDiane Wed 06-Jan-16 17:55:23

How do they think it's acceptable to ring up a receptionist to rant and swear and demand action. To threaten staff that they'll come down and find them if staff don't ring back by a certain time?
I simply can't imagine speaking to anyone like this. Particularly a stranger that you want to help them.
Do you shout at school staff? What do you think it will achieve ?

Bullshitbingo Wed 06-Jan-16 18:08:56

I never shout at anyone I'm dealing with, regardless of the circumstance. Besides being incredibly rude, it's guaranteed to put the back up of the person you're speaking to and almost certainly prevent you getting the outcome you want.

But hey, people can be twats, what can you do? Receptionist needs to build a thick skin, and crack on.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 06-Jan-16 18:13:23

I've let headteachers/teachers know my true feelings when they've been totally douchey (years of bullying and them not seeing it as an issue).

Shouting at a receptionist is a bit weird though.

catfordbetty Wed 06-Jan-16 18:13:31

Perhaps this parent had consulted Mumsnet before s/he phoned? Posters here regularly recommend behaviour like this.

doitanyways Wed 06-Jan-16 18:14:09

Frustration, I suppose.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Wed 06-Jan-16 18:14:48

I think some people have been brought up in a milieu where being angry excuses all bad behaviour and is used as a licence to lash out at anyone and anything. They don't get that even if they have been wronged, there are still rules of behaviour that they have to follow.

My parents had a neighbour like this. She was astonishing-incapable of being in any way measured. My parents' plumber told her that in the end not a single local tradesperson would work for her. One small problem and she would go off like a Cruise missile. The money wasn't worth the abuse.

Commiserations, anyway. Enjoy yourself imagining him/her being kicked to death like in a Chinese martial arts film, then move on.

AdjustableWench Wed 06-Jan-16 18:17:45

It wouldn't cross my mind to shout at the school receptionist - or the teachers, or anyone else who works at my DC's school. There have been several times I've wanted action to be taken, and I've found that calm discussion has worked just fine. I'd imagine shouting would be counterproductive.

AppleSetsSail Wed 06-Jan-16 18:17:47

I've never observed it and am suprised to hear that it happens so frequently.

Narp Wed 06-Jan-16 18:24:22

I have never seen it suggested by anyone on MN that they shout at staff.

People behave like this because they don't know any better or they believe Reception staff are beneath them and the fore fair game

abbieanders Wed 06-Jan-16 18:27:03

I think those of us who move in circles where this is not common or acceptable behaviour aren't really aware of the advantages that being brought up to negotiate in a calm manner brings. Not every child learn self respect and self control, unfortunately.

It's also worth bearing in mind that in the Venn diagram of life, the intersect between people who react by lashing out disproportionately and to the wrong people and those who feel that professionals of all kinds look down on them is pretty much a circle.

Asskicker Wed 06-Jan-16 18:31:13

We had very serious issues at dds school which ended up involving the police.

I never shouted at the teachers, head teachers or receptionist.

As soon as you do you lose any sympathy they may have had and the upper hand.

Staying calm but firm is far better.

I hate people who think it's ok to shout and swear to get their own way.

JackandDiane Wed 06-Jan-16 18:31:40

shouting at ANYONE is weird and merely gets you a reputation as a twat

Supermanspants Wed 06-Jan-16 18:34:25

This is pretty normal behaviour in most schools. For whatever reason a proportion of parents view school staff as fair game.

Samantha28 Wed 06-Jan-16 18:34:35

It's also worth bearing in mind that in the Venn diagram of life, the intersect between people who react by lashing out disproportionately and to the wrong people and those who feel that professionals of all kinds look down on them is pretty much a circle

grin

toffeeboffin Wed 06-Jan-16 18:36:02

I used to work in a school admin and found a good tactic was to be extremely nice - people calm down soon if you are nice to them.

I had it all - threats, swearing etc. Some people are just vile.

Also bribes - I'll give you a 1000 pounds if you offer my son a place at your school! (private)

lavenderandrosemary Wed 06-Jan-16 18:37:02

If they swore that's not on.

JackandDiane Wed 06-Jan-16 18:37:09

largely they make the mistake of istening to what their kid told them and taking that as the truth hmm

Foxyloxy1plus1 Wed 06-Jan-16 18:37:16

I was a teacher and have been shouted at by parents. It depends how strong you're feeling, as to how you deal with it.

One parent was so unpleasant that I was reduced to tears. I had spent hours trying to resolve his 'problem' and he just went for me.

What I usually tried to do, was to respond more and more quietly, the louder they became. It worked sometimes because they had to listen carefully to hear what I was saying.

toffeeboffin Wed 06-Jan-16 18:37:33

Also, bear in mind, the receptionist has no control over whether someone calls you back. She can pass the message on, but its no guarantee of a response.

That seems hard for lots of people to understand.

JackandDiane Wed 06-Jan-16 18:38:11

i dont think swearing makes it any worse - its all bad!
agressive ranting is just not on.

I am surprised you are all surprised

JackandDiane Wed 06-Jan-16 18:38:29

agree Toffin

PUGaLUGS Wed 06-Jan-16 18:39:37

Oh I have been shouted at many a time...(secondary school).

The last person to shout at me was the first person ever to shout on my first week in the job when I was still learning to navigate around the system.

First time his wife rang to ask if her DD was in school and he shouted in the background "what's she fucking doing? Sending a pigeon to the fucking classroom?".

The last time I spoke to him he was not happy that I couldn't tell him if his DD was in a detention. He was appalled we didn't have phones in classrooms as I told him I was unable to check (HOY in a meeting). He demanded I tell him my name - I told him then I asked his...his response was I didn't fucking well need to know that but he was "going to have me" shock all the while shouting and bring aggressive. Little did he know his telephone number came up on our phone system and I searched it. I complained about him and he was sent a letter from SLT warning him about his behaviour.

I had a visitor badge launched at me when an angry parent didn't like the outcome of a meeting with one of the deputies.

Needless to say after nearly 7 years of being verbally abused I left (most parents were lovely) and I now have a lovely job where everyone is polite.

TheTroubleWithAngels Wed 06-Jan-16 18:40:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skullyton Wed 06-Jan-16 18:41:15

i have never shouted at a teacher or receptionist. I HAVE certainly been very firm, direct and no-nonsense.

i have however called a teacher incompetent as i pulled out the Devil wears Prada line "I have no interest in the details of your incompetence" after she was the cause of a massive meltdown in my son with autism and then tried to make excuses.

umiaisha Wed 06-Jan-16 18:42:15

At DC school the Head always gives in to those who shout and swear at her as she is so easily intimidated.

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