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To think this was rude? (Friends night out)

(67 Posts)
pasturesgreen Wed 06-Jan-16 15:29:57

I was due to go out with three friends on Saturday night.
Known each other since we were at school, so more than fifteen years. It's very rare we can meet up as a foursome these days, as we all have various work and family committments.

This catch up was arranged specifically because the date suited Friend 1. She said she could make Saturday night as her fiancé was away with his mates. This is very in character for her, as she rarely socialises on her own. Anyway, they're getting married in a few months and have things to arrange, so I was prepared to cut her some slack this time.

However, she emailed this morning regretting that she'll have to cancel as fiancé is not meeting up with his mates any more, and she'd rather go out with him instead. She'll let us know when he's off on his own another time, so we can rearrange specifically for a night when he's unavailable.

I suggested to the other two friends we could meet up anyway, seeing we're all free and was told there was no point as Friend 1 now can't come and it would be rude to her. Plus she'll hopefully be able to rearrange soon. They geniunely couldn't see why I was annoyed so I'm asking you, wise people of AIBU, Friend 1 was BU, wasn't she?

I don't mind her cancelling, that's perfectly within her rights and she didn't do so last minute. It's not that, but the fact she clearly said she'd much rather spend time with her fiancé than with her friends. I was left feeling second best. Would I be petty to decline a future night out she deigns to organize?

StealthPolarBear Wed 06-Jan-16 15:33:44


StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 06-Jan-16 15:34:01

She dropped out, you should all meet up anyway and enjoy the night out.

So the whole evening is now off because she isn't coming?

pasturesgreen Wed 06-Jan-16 15:38:05

Exactly, Still

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 06-Jan-16 15:43:00

Is she a Queen Bee type person who the other two are a little in awe of?

I'd be pissed off as you are.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Wed 06-Jan-16 15:45:19

If one person can't make it why should everyone miss out? Your other friends are being unreasonable.

ChristmasZombie Wed 06-Jan-16 15:50:27

I think she's being silly, and so are the other friends.

LemonBreeland Wed 06-Jan-16 15:54:42

The other two are being doormats. I would be cutting friend 1 out of plans from now on.

Nabootique Wed 06-Jan-16 15:55:07

It's not that she can't come then, but she won't. She's a dick and so are the other two. Is her fiance particularly controlling, or is she just a limpet?

KinkyAfro Wed 06-Jan-16 15:56:14

So she's dumped her friends in favour of a bloke that she presumably lives with and sees every day? SIBVU.

But your other friends are being U too for not going along regardless

TeddTess Wed 06-Jan-16 15:56:34

i would read it as the other two aren't that bothered about meeting up.

time to get some new friends. it'll only get worse when they have babies/toddlers. they'll resurface in about 5 years - pick it up again then

OnlyLovers Wed 06-Jan-16 15:56:40

Would I be petty to decline a future night out she deigns to organize?

Well, no. You wouldn't be being petty to cool the friendship a bit, either.

I can't believe she thinks it's OK to cancel a meet-up because 'she'd rather go out with him instead.' What a fucking insult.

As for not meeting up without her because it'd be 'rude' to, I've never heard the like. It sounds as though the other friends are under the cosh.

dontcallmethatyoucunt Wed 06-Jan-16 15:56:51

Blimey, good luck to her when she gets divorced. Ridiculous on the part of the other two.

Hullygully Wed 06-Jan-16 15:57:48

She's a loon and the other two are daft. The three of you could meet up and then meet again when madame deigns to grace you with her fiance-less presence.

Woodhill Wed 06-Jan-16 16:00:48

No yanbu. Sounds really flakey. She made an arrangement and should honour it. Blow what her fiance is doing. I cannot bear people who do this.

NotNowBono Wed 06-Jan-16 16:00:49

That's mad! Bad enough that she cancels because Her Man is now available but what are the other two? Handmaidens to someone else's bloke? Crazy.

Wombat87 Wed 06-Jan-16 16:00:52

I tend to arrange nights out that fall on a weekend based on what DP is doing mainly because we haven't had much of an opportunity to spend any decent time together in the last 8months. If he's thinking of a night out, I'd likely plan one too and vice versa. But I wouldn't then cancel my night out if he did his. That's rude.

Even ruder are the other 2 not wanting the night to go ahead simply because 1 can't join. I wouldn't cut your nose off and not go next time - it sounds like they'd probably go without you. But i'd be a bit more picky with suggested dates going forward.

Headmelt Wed 06-Jan-16 16:03:40

They are all bu.

anonacfr Wed 06-Jan-16 16:06:12

So the fiancé is happy to meet his mates without her but if she won't meet her friends if he's around? Which presumably is every night (unless he is out of course).

I feel sorry for your DF1. I don't get people who are glued to her OHs.

All your friends are ridiculous BTW. Just go out already!

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 06-Jan-16 16:09:39

Other people's lives eh!

Your friends are all being unreasonable.

FingerOFudge Wed 06-Jan-16 16:10:28

is the finance giving her grief for going out without him, do you think?

Otherwise, I find it all really odd and yep I would stick with friends who don't think you're the second best thing to do! I think that's really rude.

DinosaursRoar Wed 06-Jan-16 16:10:47

Message the other 2 - explain that it's unlikely that friend 1 will be able to arrange anything before her wedding, so why not have a meet up the 3 of you and hopefully when friend 1 is back from honeymoon, you can all do something with her. If they only want to meet up with her (rather than think they would be rearranging this night in the near future) then I would suggest they don't really like your (or each others) company - move on!

Chilledmonkeybrains Wed 06-Jan-16 16:10:57

All three of your friends are being unreasonable. Trade them in for some grown up ones?!

booooooooooom Wed 06-Jan-16 16:12:57

maybe her fiance is an abusive arse and she isn't "allowed" to go out with her friends

it does happen...

EssexGurl Wed 06-Jan-16 16:13:06

All your friends are BU. Not just the girl who cancelled.

I had this with NCT group. Big night out arranged with all couples. I had to decline a friends big birthday party as we had this other date in the diary first. One couple dropped out. Other 3 couples all decided not to go either as couple A weren't. Couple A said they would arrange another date. That was almost 6 years ago. No new date. Can't remember the last time I saw the. Speaks volumes.

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