To find my MIL creeping around outside my room while I bf weird and irritating?

[SouthernComforter]

I've written in detail elsewhere on here about my PILs - how they arrive earlier than agreed, book flights home for later than agreed, barely leave the house, how my MIL is a babyhogger - so I'll keep this specific. MIL didn't breastfeed any of her children, and since I also don't want to bf my 8wo in front of my FIL I come up to my bedroom (also a break from strained chat bcse by the end of a 6-day visit that was meant to be 3 days we don't have much to say). Today FIL and DH are busying themselves with flatpack furniture and DS1 is at nursery so it's me, the baby and my MIL. I was sitting on my bed feeding and heard my husband ask my MIL if she was ok. He had come out of the spare room (where they're putting furniture together) to find MIL creeping about on the landing. She replied that she was waiting to take the baby. She's now sitting on the sofa (in silence) with my sleeping baby while I strip the Xmas tree.

AIBU to think this is weird and yet more insanity-inducing behaviour or should I just accept that she is making the most of her time with her new grandson that she probably won't see for another good few months?

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

Slightly odd but I guess she's making the most of her time with him. Smile and count the hours down!

[Chattymummyhere]

I think it's weird to be hovering about outside someone's bedroom so she can have a cuddle. Surely she could of waited downstairs or gone and talked to the men in general.

Tbh it would of made me stay in the bedroom longer, I hate the feeling of being rushed along.

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Sorry, I'm harsh, but that's fucking weird.

[Chilledmonkeybrains]

Just be pleased she lives far away

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

It's strange that she was hovering outside waiting for you to come out.

That would irritate the hell out of me.

When are they leaving?

[MrsAxewound]

Hmm, when I lived at home my mum used to lurk when I was on the john (not quite the same I know!) Maybe she doesn't realise she's being weird?

[Epilepsyhelp]

The second but the lurking in the hall is a little intense! Maybe she wanted to come in but didn't have the nerve to ask?

[Ohfourfoxache]

Got to admit that this would piss me off massively

[ollieplimsoles]

My mil does this, what if you didn't want her to ' take the baby'? I love having a quiet cuddle with mine after a feed, no one would get near her.

My mil is pissed off that I'm breast feeding full stop, because no one else gets a look in ( boo hoo she's my baby).

Is she supportive of the feeding?

[spaceyboo]

Babies do strange things to people. I'd just grin and bear in- it's not like you see them very often.

[Duckstar]

My MIL used to do this. She use to hover by the window if I went out with DS1 and come running out to meet us when I got back. I found it overwhelming and intense. She still is very intense. She has to sit by DS1 in the car, mealtimes etc., but we don't see her very often so its manageable.

She probably thinks she's being "helpful", on hand in case you need anything etc, but if she's anything like my MIL she just wanted to hold/look after baby all the time. I think some parents are just so overwhelmed with love for their new grandchild that they sometimes overstep the boundaries of normality! As you say, you probably won't see her for months so I would just let this go by, and hope she calms down by next visit.

[AnthonyPandy]

That would make my skin crawl tbh.

[drasticfantastic]

The hovering is weird. But I do think it probably comes from a good place. My own MIL is like this: when I had DD and the PIL came to visit me in hospital she literally took DD out of my arms. I'm having DS in a few weeks' time, and we've already had to have the conversation about not coming down the minute he's born... They live 300+ miles away and while visitors for an hour or two I can cope with, high-maintenance houseguests for a few days is more than I'm willing to put up with! I made that mistake the first time.

Still, I try to remember that it is meant with love, and we don't have to see them all the time. I know it's massively frustrating though, so you have my sympathy.

[OnlyLovers]

She's a fucking weirdo. Hovering outside a closed door for any reason is odd behaviour. 'waiting to take the baby' in such an extreme way is even odder.

Bigger picture: make some boundaries about when and how long they stay. Have a hotel/B&B number on hand so if they arrive on your doorstep before you're expecting them, or outstay their welcome, you can pack them cheerily off again.

[littleleftie]

I would be really irritated and would take to having really long naps after feeds with baby but keep insisting baby was still feeding.

[Cotto]

Urgh this would grate on me.

BF babies need their mothers not to be handed around like a parcel.

[Cotto]

I wore mine in a sling- it repelled the baby snatchers

[JaniceJoplin]

Is she well in herself? Something about that behaviour is a bit weird. It's as if she doesn't know what to do with herself at that particular point in time. A bit like going into a room and forgetting why you went in there. That would drive me nuts, I can barely stand my MIL for a coffee for a few hours.

[angelos02]

The arriving early and leaving later than agreed would mightily piss me off. I would tell them you have plans the day before and after so that they don't continue to do this.

[TheDayIBroke]

Ooooh, this would irritate me beyond belief! I would be tempted to just not come out of the room after a feed, and have my post-feed snuggle.

[wowfudge]

She didn't know what to do with herself when everyone else was occupied and, by the sound of it, upstairs.

[Whoknewitcouldbeso]

Oh god I used to get this too and it really pissed me off. Wrestling the baby off of MIL to breast feed while she insisted he wasn't hungry. Then her faffing around upstairs whilst I fed. Then her wrestling him back off me again once I'd fed and nestling him against her chest.

I honestly like her very much but fucking hell I hated this particular behaviour.

[ladamanera]

I have a mil who just used to come in without knockig and stare at baby (but it felt like, as a first time mum, she was staring at my naked booby). I wish shed have lurked.
My afvice is that you have a choice in how you see this and in order to have a lovely relationship with a woman who raised your partner and loves your baby, where possible you should choose to see it in the beat light. This is hard for her too, to know what shes allowed to do.

She may have just come all the way up the stairs then not wanted to disturb your clear need for privacy, be a bit shy, and be hanging around just to see if she could hear whether youd both fallen asleep or needed her for anything- onky to be "disturbed" looking like a menkel stalker. She's probably cringing inside and styling it out. Now she's sat awkwardly with a sleeping baby who clearly doesnt need her, trying and failing to feel useful. Bit of kindness will help you.

I say all that but in full disclosure, my mil irritates the hell out of me and i am expecting my second baby any minute so may report back in a massively hypocritical way in a few weeks' time- but my new years resolution is to be a but more compassionate to her and grateful i dont have a passive aggressive or sabotaging or dominating mil, just an awkward, useless, but wellmeaning, weird one. Can you feel that, too?