Should I keep my pregnancy secret...(14 Posts)
Apologies in advance this is my first post and a long one, so apologies if I have posted in the wrong place still very new to MN!
I am 11 weeks pregnant and have told my parents and DH parents. I work for my DH family buisness and for the past 6 months my MIL has been training me to take over her role (it's a large buisness with over 200 staff) with the view to job sharing as she works less hours. All well and good... However mil has very recently been diagnosed with cancer and has said she is not coming back to work and I would need to take on her job, at this point we told her that I was pregnant.
I don't want to tell anyone at work I'm pregnant next week after the 12 week scan as I've just started in a new role with huge responsibility (that I'm not really ready for) and don't want people at work to feel that the management is disappearing. The problem lie that all mil's friends work in he buisness.
I want to tell my family as it will have no impact on work but my DH said I have to tell everyone or no one. Aibu to say pick and choose who knows? My family and friends have no connection to my work so it would not cross over but DH says it's not fair to his mother.
Well how long do you think you could reasonably keep it secret for anyway? A couple of months at best - do you think it would make any difference?
In all honesty, it's not really your problem to worry that employees may feel "that the management is disappearing". It is pretty rare for any business to fold just because a couple of managers, albeit senior, have left. Everyone is replaceable, family business or no.
You need to do whatever you are comfortable with. It does kind of sound as though you have been steered in a direction you are not entirely happy with, work-wise. In your shoes I would focus on that rather then trying to keep something a secret that simply cannot stay a secret for very long.
DH is unreasonable to say you "have to" tell no one or everyone.
Why is it not fair in his mother?
Tbh if you start telling your side, it will come out and you may only have another few weeks before people can tell you are pg.
I think you are panicking to much. People at work will be fine. They will get over it, if they worried. People go on mat leave, even senior management and everyone survives.
RatherBeRiding I know there is a limit to how long I can keep it a secret for. But it just seems really strange to have spent the last 2 days reassuring everyone that I will be here to deal with everything and we are not selling the buisness and the next week say oh but actually I will be off on maternity leave. I understand in one way it's not my problem how my employees feel, but on the flip side it is exactly my problem as I have enough to deal with at work without the added fear of 200 staff that they are about to lose their jobs!
200 people are worried they will lose their job because your mil retired due to ill health And you are having a baby ?
Why do the staff feel so unsure of the business?
What's happening is entirely normal.
I own my own business with lots of employees. If I or dh retired and people were panicking about losing their jobs I would be totally confused.
What's not fair to his mother? I've read this twice and I still can't figure it out.
Also why on earth would people at work assume 'the management is disappearing' just because you are pregnant?
You say you've told your parents but then later say you're not allowed to tell your family? All a bit weird.
In the past few years the buisness has been down scaled and around half of it sold. The last of which has been only just completed. Other than that I have absolutely no idea why people are panicking but they are (I agree its completely bizarre and must just be something in the rumour mill.) but given they are already panicked I don't really want to pour fuel on the fire... To be honest this is just an awful time for the whole family and I may be completely overreacting!
He feels it's unfair to his mother as she is really excited about the pregnancy and keeps asking him when she can tell her best friends (she lost her husband a few years ago so they are her closest relationships other than DH)
It's entirely your choice if you tell your family, or your friends, or even co-workers. Or not.
Can't you hire someone to take over your role while you're on maternity leave?
Or have your OH take over maternity leave?
I do get why dh thinks it's unfair.
Your parents, your family and all their friends can share the news but your pils can't?
All because some people like to gossip about stuff they know nothing about.
The sooner you tell them the sooner they will get over it.
Well I think you all sound a bit hysterical over what is, after all, just another pregnancy amongst many. Just get your scan done and tell who you want to tell. Stop making a drama out of your five minutes of personal excitement.
If all it takes is a pregnancy to begin the dismantling of civilisation as we know it then things are worse than I thought!
Don't forget you won't be going for 6 more months. They'll get over it.
My workplace would expect to know at 12 weeks so they could make alternative arrangements for my mat leave, but you'd be your own boss right? You don't have to tell anyone!
You only have to take 2 weeks ML if taking more is such a huge issue
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