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No idea why DP is having the snip today

(109 Posts)
Notgrumpyjustquiet Tue 05-Jan-16 12:45:12

He's been going on about it for years without action yet suddenly decided to actually go through with it and his appointment is today. He says he wants to do it as a gesture to me and so we don't have to worry about pregnancy any more. I've told him I can't see the point because we hardly ever have sex I'm 44 but he's become insistent. I've asked him straight out if he's about to leave me for a younger woman and he swears no he'd say that anyway though wouldn't he. I just can't see why he's doing it. I've tried not to labour the point and I've ended up saying that it's his choice as it's his body. Which it is.

I don't really know what my question is...

Am I being unreasonable to think he's putting himself through something completely unnecessary?

EatShitDerek Tue 05-Jan-16 12:47:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IfItIsntOkItIsntTheEnd Tue 05-Jan-16 12:48:37

Perhaps he's suddenly panicking about unwanted pregnancy? Does he know someone who's had an unplanned pregnancy recently? Perhaps once he has been snipped you'll have sex more often, with the worry of the outcome removed?

Expellibramus Tue 05-Jan-16 12:48:50

I think that you might be better off with this in Relationships for more considered responses.

I think what you're truly worried about is what you've put in strikeout. I have no idea of what's truly the reality here but I think you know what you're concerned about and I think it's probably the underlying reasons why you're worried about it that you might need to explore.

SilverdaleGlen Tue 05-Jan-16 12:48:55

My friend had her first at 46, she never wanted kids so it absolutely could happen!

Unless there are other signs of cheating I'm going with the squillion baby dream theory too!

VaticanAssassin Tue 05-Jan-16 12:49:05

I'd have suspicions too if I was 44 and hardly having sex in the first place.

But- maybe he's hoping your sex life will improve once he's had it done?

daisychain01 Tue 05-Jan-16 12:49:19

Isn't the fact he's doing it, a sign he definitely isn't leaving you for a younger woman? I'd be more worried if he was rushing down there for a reversal, right?

Shutthatdoor Tue 05-Jan-16 12:49:20

As you say his body his choice.

At 44 you could still get pregnant.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Tue 05-Jan-16 12:49:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 05-Jan-16 12:50:21

How odd!

Perhaps he's chatted t someone who's had an unwanted pergnancy and it's scared him

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 05-Jan-16 12:50:35

44 isn't THAT past it you know OP. Also what's "hardly" ? Every month? Less? I'm 43 and we have sex about once a week....that's not much but it's enugh that I think DH should have the snip.

Notgrumpyjustquiet Tue 05-Jan-16 12:50:36

OK my age doesn't preclude it completely but coupled with the rarity of us actually doing the nasty, makes it pretty bloody unlikely!

Helmetbymidnight Tue 05-Jan-16 12:50:54

Why do you hardly ever have sex?

Is it because he never tells you anything?

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 05-Jan-16 12:50:56

How rare is it?

Bubblesinthesummer Tue 05-Jan-16 12:51:28

I'd have suspicions too if I was 44 and hardly having sex in the first place.

It only takes once to get pregnant. I have known people who have at that age.

He has decided he wants no more so is doing something about it.

Notgrumpyjustquiet Tue 05-Jan-16 12:51:56

House about once a month if I'm lucky. sad

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Tue 05-Jan-16 12:51:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelpfulChap Tue 05-Jan-16 12:52:13

I agree with daisychain01.

OnTheSunnySide Tue 05-Jan-16 12:52:42

Does he think it will increase the chances of you having sex with him?

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 05-Jan-16 12:53:30

Grumpy so you'd do it more if he wanted to?

In that case, YANBU.

Do you notice any changes in him? In his behaviour?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Tue 05-Jan-16 12:55:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastdaytears Tue 05-Jan-16 12:56:15

As someone said, I think a reversal would be cause to worry but not this. If he was after a younger woman then he'd want to have his baby making abilities intact.

Does he think that you're worried about pregnancy and is being considerate? What contraception are you using at the moment?

Notgrumpyjustquiet Tue 05-Jan-16 12:57:27

He did say he hoped it might 'invigorate things' - I think he's maybe more worried about pregnancy than I am? Could that be putting him off do you think? Putting him off even playing?

I did intend this to be lighthearted - I fully expect to get home tonight and find him sprawled, pale and shaking on the sofa clutching a bag of peas to his knackers, wondering why he never listens to me hmm

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 05-Jan-16 12:58:00

Fast not necessarily. If he's got children already, many men don't want more...even in a new relationship. They often just want an easy called. Not that I'm saying this is what's happening with the OP.

Helmetbymidnight Tue 05-Jan-16 12:58:35

What do you use for contraception now?

Do you think it was fear of pregnancy that was putting him off?

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