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I'm not going to change my mind this time but for future reference, WIBU?

(57 Posts)
VintageDresses Mon 04-Jan-16 16:14:12

12yo (yr8) DS2 is not happy.

He got in from school 3:45pm and wanted to go "into town" to spend his Christmas money.

I said no because:

- It's a 2 mile walk each way, which he's done alone before but it would be dark before he got there today, let alone back.
- I didn't want him going alone with £60 in his pocket, dark or not.
- I know it's his money, but he wants to wander round until he finds something to spend/waste it on, rather than having any specific wants IYSWIM. I think he needs to value his spending money more.

Personally, I think any one of those reasons would be good enough, he disagrees. Would you have let your 12yo go?

FairyFluffbum Mon 04-Jan-16 16:16:28

I would let him "waste" it on what he wanted but at a weekend when he could shop in the light as opposed to dark

AgentProvocateur Mon 04-Jan-16 16:16:56

Yes, but I accept that I am considerably more lax than most people on this site. wink

BackforGood Mon 04-Jan-16 16:17:01

Nor my 14 yr old.

If they want to spend £60, then they have to know what they want to spend it on - that's a lot of money in my household. If they have something they particularly want, then they can do a bit of research and see if can get it cheaper on line.

If they wanted to go and mooch round the shops, I'd have asked them why they didn't go during the last week when they could have gone during the day.

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Jan-16 16:17:32

I'd be happier if he went with a friend.

I wouldn't worry about the rest of it as long as he's sensible (only you know if he is).

The dark wouldn't bother me either unless the streets are rural and unlit.

TeenAndTween Mon 04-Jan-16 16:18:12

I wouldn't have let a 12yo go in those circumstances.
To me, reason 1 rules it out.

With respect to reason 3, I would be tempted to say look one Saturday without the money (or nearly so much of it), go back the following week if still want desired item.

Reason 2, I'm on the fence about.

lilypadhopper Mon 04-Jan-16 16:20:30

I'd prefer that he went with less (half?) but it's his money, so once he knows it's gone when it's gone, fine with that.

However, I'd be firm that he went on Saturday, when he could have the whole day during daylight.. Wouldn't budge from that.

LegoRuinedMyFinances Mon 04-Jan-16 16:21:09

I wouldn't let my 11yo go to town when its getting dark with a large amount of money in his pocket. Far too risky IMO.

However, whether I'd let him fritter away his money depends on the type of child. If you have a child that always wants something then I'd probably let them keep their money. If you have a child that doesn't usually ask for many things then I'd be more inclined to let them wander around the shops. My child falls into the first group so I'd make him wait until he wanted something - but according to him I'm mean anyway.

HorseyHat Mon 04-Jan-16 16:22:29

I wouldn't due to weather, dark etc but would offer him to look at online with the idea if he sees something that he really wants he could have it.

He is 12, its his Christmas money, I can't imagine that you will get much piece until he has spent/wasted some of it.

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Jan-16 16:24:13

Do you all live in rural areas where the streets are badly lit?

Because if not, I don't understand the problem with the dark.

4.30pm to 6.30pm is normally a very busy time with people coming home from school/work etc, so it's not like there's no-one around.

Literally the only thing that's different is the sun isn't out.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 04-Jan-16 16:24:49

Point 1 - YANBU

Point 2 - Depends why (dodgy area, careless, whatever)

Point 3 - YABU. Making his own mistakes with money early is learning. You telling him how to manage money isn't. Him wasting 60 quid on tat is worth much, much more than 60 quid in life experience.

TantrumsAndBalloons Mon 04-Jan-16 16:24:57

I would have said yes.

It's getting dark now. My year 7 DS is at rugby club. He finishes at 5.45pm. Then travels the 2.5 miles home.

No one will know he has £60 in his pocket will they? It won't make him a "target"

It's his money. He wants to spend it.

That's just my option

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Jan-16 16:28:06

That's my thinking too Tantrums

Surely 12 year olds get themselves home from after school clubs during the dark evenings.

AutumnLeavesArePretty Mon 04-Jan-16 16:28:23

I would have simply taken mine, its fun for children to get to spend their christmas money and I don't care what they spend it on.

However I wouldn't let them walk two miles, light or not. Town here is miles away so it never comes up.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 04-Jan-16 16:29:29

I would let him spend the money as he wishes, but he would have to wait until Saturday & go in the daylight.

SanityClause Mon 04-Jan-16 16:32:57

Probably not on his own, but with friends, I would. (That way, if I can't contact him, I can do it via them, and there is safety in numbers.)

Re carrying £60 with him. I don't think that's an issue. Make sure it's in a wallet, safely. If he loses it, he learns a lesson. (My DC all had debit cards from 11. That might be a safer way to carry it, or an osper card?)

The spending/wasting money, well, that is his own affair. I don't think you should try to stop him spending it how he likes. If he wastes it on rubbish, he'll learn. Or not. (Some people never do.)

So, in your position, I would have said not tonight, but perhaps arrange a time to go with friends, or walk in yourself on the weekend.

Biscetti Mon 04-Jan-16 16:33:12

Exactly what Tantrums and Worra said. We're in London. Their money to do wtf they want with it. When it's gone it's gone and it won't be replenished apart from via the usual pocket money route.

WoodHeaven Mon 04-Jan-16 16:41:23

No I wouldn't because going to hand around in town isn't the same thing than coming back home from an afterschool club. The possibilities for it to go wrong are much bigger.

I'm personally don't like the idea of my dcs (similar age) to walk/cycle on their own when it's dark. That's me.

The wasting their money... well it's theirs but I would be working with him on questioning myself/himself on what is a worthwhile expenses.
When the dcs were little match attacks cards were certainly a worthwhile expense for them. A waste of money for me.
Same nowdays with music or whatever. It's up to them to learn what is worth spending money on (They are likely to get it wrong too)

cosytoaster Mon 04-Jan-16 16:42:17

I would let him spend the money as he wishes, but he would have to wait until Saturday & go in the daylight

Agree with this

PurpleHairAndPearls Mon 04-Jan-16 16:45:45

I would have allowed it. I probably would have suggested he take half the money with him and if he sees something more £££ he could always go back.

I don't understand why DC aren't allowed out after dark - this would mean they have to stay in from 4pm which seems unnecessarily harsh. I live in a rough area too but the same advice applies in the daytime as evening - no visible phone/money, let someone know where you are going, no alleyways/short cuts and a paper copy of my/home telephone number etc should their phone be nicked etc.

As a woman, I also want my DDs to feel they have the freedom to go wherever they want, whenever (obviously age appropriate) and not have their freedom curtailed (by not being allowed out after dark, chaperoned etc) if other people act like twats. If that makes any sense. I am fuzzy today so probably haven't explained it well.

teatowel Mon 04-Jan-16 16:47:57

I know a 14 year old who left his £100 birthday money in MacDonalds. That is a very hard lesson to learn.

TheWitTank Mon 04-Jan-16 16:49:05

It's his money to waste on what he wants (if he buys crap and it's all gone then it's a lesson learned) but I wouldn't want him walking in alone/back in the dark. With a friend, yes, or in the daylight.

Doublebubblebubble Mon 04-Jan-16 16:50:13

*Point 1 - YANBU

Point 2 - Depends why (dodgy area, careless, whatever)

Point 3 - YABU. Making his own mistakes with money early is learning. You telling him how to manage money isn't. Him wasting 60 quid on tat is worth much, much more than 60 quid in life experience*

WoodHeaven Mon 04-Jan-16 16:50:30

Purple I agre with you with slightly older children. Not with a 12yo.

Ditsy4 Mon 04-Jan-16 16:51:25

No, I never let mine wander around in the dark. I do live in a rural area where there is only four lights in the whole village and none of them all working at the same time. I was lucky though all other parents agreed, unless kids were known to be in one of our houses. They were allowed to walk home but host children usually walked them home. They were a very caring bunch.
I wonder why he has waited until he got back to school to ask, that would worry me a bit. Was someone meeting him and maybe helping him spend it? I would say think about it,research the sales on the Internet and I'll take you at the weekend. He can go off and meet back up with you for a hot chocolate or lunch.

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