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To think selfishness is inherently bred into men?

(109 Posts)
Notimefortossers Sun 03-Jan-16 20:58:20

Literally never met a man that didn't put himself first. Give me some hope MN'ers . . . there are unselfish men out there . . . right?

HighwayDragon1 Sun 03-Jan-16 20:59:43

Selfishness is inherently bred into all of us

DraenorQueen Sun 03-Jan-16 21:01:59

You're not meeting the right men then. Please don't tar all men with the same brush. We're ALL selfish to a degree. And the most selfish men I've encountered are often enabled by an absolute martyr of a woman.

formerbabe Sun 03-Jan-16 21:04:09

Women are conditioned by society to be people pleasers and put others first...much more so than men, hence men appear more selfish.

Faye12345 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:04:40

I think the majority of men may not think as deeply as women hence tend to come across more selfish? The women i know tend to put themselves out more as they think about more far reaching consquences and are concerned about upsetting others x

PrincessMouse Sun 03-Jan-16 21:04:41

Selfish in what way Op? I think we can all be a bit selfish sometimes.

Shakirasma Sun 03-Jan-16 21:05:06

No, not all men. However many do have it nurtured into them, but it's not bred.

Fortunately more and more boys are being raised by feminist parents so there is hope for the future.

xmasseason Sun 03-Jan-16 21:05:27

Yes, there are unselfish men and selfish women, as well as the opposite.

I agree with formerbabe that social conditioning is the cause of women feeling they should be people pleasers.

IrishDad79 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:06:04

What abut the poor bastards on the Titanic who let all the women and children on the lifeboats first?

FlowersAndShit Sun 03-Jan-16 21:08:38

I don't know, I think men act more on primal instincts than women.

perpetuallybewildered Sun 03-Jan-16 21:08:53

Not in my experience. I'm way more selfish than DH.

TooOldForGlitter Sun 03-Jan-16 21:09:05

We are all selfish in some ways, it's in all of I think but we, as women, are conditioned constantly to put men and their needs first allllll the time and that then allows men (NAMALT) to be selfish. I'm sure somebody can word that better than me but the gist is there.

Dinobab Sun 03-Jan-16 21:09:38

Irishdad- I think they meant in general life, not a life of death situation
E.g dp can be selfish, but he's more unthinking than selfish on purpose,but he'd probably chuck me and DS on a lifeboat if he didn't fit
I think women are often taught more to put others first, not that men don't care about other people

TooOldForGlitter Sun 03-Jan-16 21:09:40

*in all of us

Notimefortossers Sun 03-Jan-16 21:10:02

Good point, well made IrishDad wink

Dinobab Sun 03-Jan-16 21:10:36

On the other hand, when I was pregnant it was always men that offered me a seat on the bus

CuttedUpPear Sun 03-Jan-16 21:11:04

Not bred into - that would be weird, were their mothers choosing selfish men to breed with? - but many males are brought up to put themselves first. That, with a frequent lack of empathy, results in selfishness.

I am, of course, only speaking from my own experience but the fathers of my DCs thought nothing of leaving me to bring them up single handed so that they could pursue their careers.

However I've had DS running around for me today bringing me food in bed as I'm a bit poorly. Hopefully he will turn out to be one of the good ones.

DurhamDurham Sun 03-Jan-16 21:12:17

I'm much more selfish than my husband, he always puts me and our girls first. I don't know how he does it with such good grace grin

chelle792 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:12:29

My husband is one of the least selfish people I know. He will do almost anything for me. But on the flip side - he is very self aware and will take care of his own basic needs first. He knows that he's no good to anyone if he doesn't look after himself . That's opposite to me as I will sacrifice my own needs for others.

Is that what you're thinking, op? Or are you thinking more selfish?

I don't call looking after ones own needs selfish

Kpo58 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:12:34

Definitely nurture rather than nature. Many people still let their male kids not help around the house or think about other people. Admittedly there are many females who are also very self centred.

Birdsgottafly Sun 03-Jan-16 21:13:31

""What abut the poor bastards on the Titanic who let all the women and children on the lifeboats first?""

Only the ones that were the same Class as them.

Again that can be explained by social conditioning, not an inherent trait.

MoMoTy Sun 03-Jan-16 21:13:35

IMO I find women to be much more selfish and men to be kinder and helpful.

BitchPeas Sun 03-Jan-16 21:14:38

We are all just animals, we are all equally selfish. However I think women have much stronger instincts to care for their DC so men may appear more selfish on that front and society does traditionally enable men to be more selfish, it's seen as sociably acceptable whereas women tend to be seen as care givers, so, completely unselfish. There are women who enable men to be even more selfish by being a matyr to the cause and there are men who take advantage of women's natural care giving urges to be even more selfish. It's all just biology and being treated how you let people treat you IMO.

TheSconeOfStone Sun 03-Jan-16 21:15:24

YABU. My DH isn't selfish at all. He didn't get much chance as a child as his parents are very selfish. He is the opposite to them. Lucky for me and the DDs. My MIL was brought up to put the needs of men ahead of her own. She was having none of it though!

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Sun 03-Jan-16 21:15:56

I don't know about all men but I remember my ex gazing lovingly at our then 2 week old son and saying " I never thought I'd love anyone more than myself". I was all hmm cheers mate, love you too.

He seemed to be genuinely shocked when I said that most people love their partners/families more than themsleves and admitted that he only really thought about himself and how things affect him ( and didn't really mind if it made his loved ones unhappy ) and insisted I was wrong and everyone loved themselves best and only cared about their own happiness.

For some strange reason things didn't work out between us grin

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