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Re conflicting advice about toilet training

(54 Posts)
yorkshapudding Sun 03-Jan-16 11:16:51

We're about to start potty training DD (2) and all the conflicting advice I'm getting is starting to do my head in. AIBU to be utterly confused and to not have a clue where to start because everything I read, research online and am told by other people contradicts each other? I'm starting to think I must be completely lacking in Mother's intuition and that everyone else just instinctively knows what to do.

Nursery have specifically requested that we send her in pull ups until toilet training is established but i've been told by relatives, friends etc. that pull ups are the devil and that she will still be wet in the day at age four if I use them even occasionally.

At a recent toddler group I was advised to buy several potty's and place one in every room of the house. Then (during the same group) another Mum was very insistent that potty's are "old-hat" and "everyone" goes straight to putting them on the toilet now. She seemed shocked that I didn't know this, despite DD being my first.

I have read that reward charts are a "life saver" for potty training but also that they are completely ineffective and should be avoided as they are a form of "bribery" and "send the wrong message".

I've read that I should go cold turkey on nappies and put her straight into pants as it's a good thing if they wee in their pants and feel a bit uncomfortable as it will encourage them to go in the potty next time. I have also read that this is "cruel" and an example of "negative reinforcement" which will traumatise her for life so I should continue to use a nappy but just take it off and put her on the potty at regular intervals.

I've been told to stay at home for the first 3-4 days but also that this is "the worst thing you can do" as DD needs to understand she can use the potty/toilet anywhere.

As if the prospect of embarking on this joyous milestone in a house that has cream carpets throughout (not our choice, recently moved in) wasn't anxiety provoking enough! I realise that every child is different so people will have different advice based on what worked for them but all this conflicting information is making my head spin! confused

Tell me it'll be OK, lie if you have to grin

DisappointedOne Sun 03-Jan-16 11:20:55

Google Janet Lansbury.

Has she shown any signs of readiness? If not, wait.

froggyjump Sun 03-Jan-16 11:24:35

Personally, for me, (having had 3 boys) I would say, stay in for the first few days, have the potty close by (in the same room if possible), have a bare bum, as it is quicker when they decide they do need to go, ask them every 30 mins if they need the potty, loads of praise when they do go, but no issue about puddles/accidents. Be as chilled as you can about it, because you don't want them picking up that this is something that causes anxiety.

DisappointedOne Sun 03-Jan-16 11:24:36

If it helps, we waited until DD could tell us when she was weeing/pooing in her nappy and then let her come to the shop to choose her own big girl pants. She chose when to start using them and from that point there were no daytime nappies (even on the 300 mile road trip we had to make 5 days later!). Didn't use stickers or pull ups. 3-4 days at home with nothing on her bottom half and lots of praise for weed etc in the potty. She was sorted within a week.

(We also have cream carpets.)

froggyjump Sun 03-Jan-16 11:25:11

Oh yes, and make sure they are ready before you start

Jesabel Sun 03-Jan-16 11:25:33

I think you just need to find a way that works for you and your DD, there are no hard and fast rules.

I didn't wait for any "signs of readiness", I just gave it a go when DS was a bit over 2.

I spent a few days at home, with DS on a wipe clean floor, naked from the waist down, and gave him lots to drink. As soon as he started to wee I got him on the potty and gave him a chocolate button grin He grasped it pretty quickly.

We used potties and toilets and pull ups sometimes, but he was fairly reliable within a couple of weeks anyway. Just got into the habit of taking him to the potty/toilet before we left anywhere and when we arrived anywhere.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Sun 03-Jan-16 11:25:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tomatodizzy Sun 03-Jan-16 11:29:04

I would just put her in pull ups for nursery and let her learn in her own time. There is conflicting advice because there is no right way. I've potty trained four, I stressed so much with my first that I made a pigs ear of the whole thing. I wish I'd just gone with the flow (pun intended) and not get so worked up about it.

Skullyton Sun 03-Jan-16 11:31:19

i think 2 is too young, but i'm one of those 'in their own time' hippies ;) as i believe forcing PT too early creates withholding problems and prolonged 'accidents' as their bladders aren't mature enough to be reliably dry before 3.

However i did use pull ups, but i treated them the same as nappies, all i did for the first few months was introduce the idea of sitting on the potty as part of the bedtime routine before they brushed their teeth.

Then i increased it, so every change i would ask them to sit and i would positively reward ALL wees.

By the time i took the pull ups away at 3.5 dd had stopped having wet pull ups, was asking to use the potty and we were dry with no accidents within 2 days. i waited until the summer hols so i wasn't having to take older DS to nursery and we could stay home for a few days.

DS took longer as he was 4.5 before he got it, hated the potty but was fine with a toilet trainer seat on the loo, but he's since been diagnosed with dyspraxia and autism so late PT isn't unusual.

yorkshapudding Sun 03-Jan-16 11:32:15

She has been showing signs..she will stop what she's doing and go off into the corner to poo and then come and tell us when she has done it and ask to be changed, she is very interested in the toilet and has started trying to take her nappy off.

Hassled Sun 03-Jan-16 11:33:14

I think the key is readiness. So many people start to toilet train because they feel they must/ their friends did it with their DC at that age etc. But if the child is not able/prepared to give it a shot, the whole thing will be a protracted nightmare for no reason. With my DS1 I rushed it and he just wasn't ready - with the others I waited till their 3rd birthday and it was relatively painless.

BlackRose0 Sun 03-Jan-16 11:34:41

No advice, but I'm in exactly the same situation at the moment op so watching with interest smile

Nanny0gg Sun 03-Jan-16 11:36:52

Why are you starting at 2?

Does she have dry nappies? Ask to use a potty/loo?

If she's not ready it will take much longer.

snappybadger Sun 03-Jan-16 11:38:22

No offence to anyone but I found the advice about making sure they are ready incredibly frustrating! How do you know if they are ready until you try? I left it until my son was 3y 3m because I was waiting until I got the message he was ready, without actually knowing what this meant! I'd probably still be waiting now if I hadn't just gone for it!

I spent the first 2 days entirely at home, ventured out briefly on the 3rd day then I ink he had a nursery day.

First day I covered the lounge carpet in towels to minimise any accidents and put a potty in the room with us. I also had a potty in the bathroom upstairs but it took a couple of months until he gave enough warning that we could make it upstairs and do away with the downstairs one.

First day I had him naked from the waist down and played with him all day, making sure to remind him regularly that he wasn't wearing a nappy and needed to use the potty if he needed to wee/poo. Naked bottom helps them realise they're not in a nappy.

Second day same thing but put jiggers on him (no pants as feeling would be too similar to a nappy). In fact he went pant less for a couple of months until I was sure he was used to it. We had one accident the second day before he got the hang of it.

We moved on to the toilet only once he was regularly using a potty upstairs and able to make it there in time (no downstairs loo), would probably have moved sooner if we had a downstairs loo as really nit much different than a potty once they are used to it. Potty is best for those first few days and for keeping in the car for emergencies.

Toilet training was the milestone I had been dreading, and I kept putting it off, but actually it turned out to be nowhere near as bad as I expected! Good luck.

Nanny0gg Sun 03-Jan-16 11:38:32

Pottys are fine and reward charts work if your DD responds to them.

I'd still wait for spring/summer and access to a garden though!


yorkshapudding Sun 03-Jan-16 11:39:30

Nanny, we hadn't originally anticipated starting this early but she has been showing signs of readiness for quite a while (showing a lot of interest in and asking to sit on the toilet, telling us when she has done a poo etc) and has now started trying to take her nappy off all the time.

Nanny0gg Sun 03-Jan-16 11:39:39

No offence to anyone but I found the advice about making sure they are ready incredibly frustrating! How do you know if they are ready until you try? I left it until my son was 3y 3m because I was waiting until I got the message he was ready, without actually knowing what this meant! I'd probably still be waiting now if I hadn't just gone for it!

You try, but if no results after 1 or two days (imo) you stop. Constant wetting= not ready.

snappybadger Sun 03-Jan-16 11:40:02

Jiggers = joggers!

Nanny0gg Sun 03-Jan-16 11:41:03

Then it's worth going ahead.
If you have a downstairs loo it will be easier but I'd still use a potty. (Get her to choose it)

yorkshapudding Sun 03-Jan-16 11:43:43

Yes, I would much rather have waited until summer and let her run around bare bummed outside but as we have major house renovations (which will limit access to the back garden and may have to move out for a while) and a long haul trip planned for the summer I thought this may be too much disruption. Also she has forced my hand somewhat as she has now started to remove her nappy grin

Jesabel Sun 03-Jan-16 11:44:28

Why wouldn't you start at 2 confused Most children around the world and for generations are toilet trained at 2.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Sun 03-Jan-16 11:47:59

DDs were easier than DS - both keen and done in a couple of days. Both took off bedtime nappy and were dry over night in a week.
She sounds ready. Go for it.

DisappointedOne Sun 03-Jan-16 11:51:41

Most children around the world and for generations are toilet trained at 2.

Never seen stats for the first and as for the second, unless your child is in terry towelling nappies you can't really compare today with previous generations.

Asskicker Sun 03-Jan-16 11:52:53

Dd was easy to train. She actually trained herself. She was a couple of weeks off 2.

Even with her nappy on she would wait until she could use a toilet where possible so we just stopped putting nappies in her.

So when it came to ds I was baffled. He was harder to train, he hated the toilet so we used potties.

It took a while. He would poo on the potty every time but would wet his pants. He stall had odd accidents until he was 4 and a half. He has never had a night time accident though.

We started off by having potties all over and just asking him if he wanted to go on it. We asked probably about every 15 minutes. Every Time he went on it we made a huge fuss about how well he did. And went from there

abbsismyhero Sun 03-Jan-16 11:53:23

my middle child was trained at two my youngest is three in a week and is pissing me about with it he is ready and he is "fine" at daddy's house (apparently but mysteriously his nappies have gone out of the bag) at mine he has randomly started pissing on the carpet starting to pee then jumping up and pissing on the carpets some more confused yesterday he was fine today he has actually been told off and banned into the kitchen his highly unhelpful siblings are in there with him as they too are pissing me off distracting me constantly while im trying to speak to him is unhelpful to put it mildly so they have all been told off and sent into the room with the wipe clean floor see how they like it im off to by bicarb later as my carpets now smell despite the cleaning of them and the febreeze i can still smell it (although maybe its just me)

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