complicated family(5 Posts)
Hi, this is my first post here so I'm apologise for what may turn into a long read but I'm after some advice.
This year I stopped speaking to my abusive narcissistic mum for many reasons, I could no longer take her lies and deceit, she mentally abused me as a child, she fraudulently put her gas bill in my name when I was 17 and run up debts in my name which I had no clue about until I was 21, she lied to me my whole life about who my dad is, this was the straw that broke the camels back and I just said enough is enough I can take no more. Another side is I have three siblings who are aged 10,8&4. These kids mean a lot to me and I've done a lot for them but my mum is just as abusive to them as she was to me for example physically assaulting the eldest telling the middle one she should have gone in the abortion bucket, asking the youngest if she played with her clit, I'm sure you get the general idea. After trying for many years to help her with the kids and trying to show her different ways to cope with the kids etc I was just hitting brick walls, I could no longer sit back and watch the children be abused in this way and decided it was out of my hands now so I called social services on her. I know she had a family support worker for some time but I don't know what came of it as I've since stopped speaking to her.
When I decided to have no contact I wrote letters to her and the kids told her exactly what I thought and tried to explain in an age appropriate way to the kids why I wouldn't be going to visit anymore. I took the letters to my stepdads sister and asked if she could pass the letters to the kids as I knew they wouldn't recurve them any other way. We had a bit of a heated discussion and she asked if I was the one who called ss to which I replied yes I did and here are my reasons why. Nobody in the family thinks I did the right thing but to be honest I could not care less, that crazy bitch of a mother was damn good at hiding her behaviour and no one knew the full extent of the issues, even to this day they have chosen to believe her over me. Anyway, I spoke to my stepdad about having contact with my siblings and he said he is happy to drop them off, this has happened twice. The last time I saw him was 3/10/2015 when he said he was going to call in at some point so he could spend some time with my dd who he apparently thinks the world of. I've heard nothing since. It was the youngest birthday end of November and I decided to put her card and present in the post rather than asking stepdad to call in and pick it up, I wanted him to come off his own back as I've ALWAYS done the chasing and refuse to do so anymore. Christmas I text and asked if I could have the kids over one day, after him being a bit awkward he said I could have the kids 29th Dec. It came and went he didn't bother dropping kids off and didn't bother to text or call to explain or apologise. Part of me isn't surprised but I'm really pissed off, I have no idea what the kids have been told about me and I miss them like mad and just want to see them and spend some quality time but their parents are just making it difficult for that to happen. I don't want to give up on the kids however I don't feel prepared having to chase my stepdad only to hear some bullshit lies and excuses. Where do I go from here?
I think you might need to visit citizens advice or a lawyer- I don't know how easy it is for a non parent to get a court order for contact but it might be something to think about. Those poor kids. Well done for getting out.
Sounds like you did the right thing for the kids but sadly it has repercussions for you.
I'm unsure how you go about maintaining contact, hopefully someone will be able to offer some guidance.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish the best for you
Thank you for the well wishes, I've looked into contact centres but not sure how this works?
No chance of going to step aunt again it's all that side of the family that have taken her side, none of them agree with me for calling ss and believe I did it maliciously. They argued we could have 'done more as a family' but they just have the view that ss come and take kids away rather than actually supporting families
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